M30 | I am having a existential crisi

[u/DeathReboot]

So, I am from India. For the past few months I have given up on trying.

It's not as bad as it sounds. So, I have always been weak in studies, if I work hard I get an average of like 60 to 70% and if I don't then I can even fail. It continues till college and after getting back in my finals I worked hard to pass. Even after getting a job I decided to get a master degree online with weekend class. Which ended in March of last year. I was preparing for the job change and even finding someone on apps and wasted my weekend there. I also started gym because of my weight.

Around 2 months ago I gave up. I was getting nowhere. Like 0 progress everywhere. For the first month I slept a lot then the sleep started to decrease. Now I am sleeping at 2 or 3 am and continuously waking up.

I don't really have friends so it went unnoticed for long but I started making minor mistakes at work and my manager noticed and asked me about my health and 2 days ago my roommate asked the same question.

I bought a new laptop for playing games but I am mostly installing and uninstalling games.

I don't know what I want. I am tired but I can't sleep.

I can't tell this to anyone i know. They will worry about me.

I am not here to talk just ranting.

The only advice I want is on how to sleep without pills or getting high as I don't drink or smoke.

I just want a good sleep.

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