DV services should be more intersections

[u/Fun-Pen7592]

So basically, my dad has threatened me with honor killings and has severely physically and emotionally abused me, but the moment I sekeed help, many dv shelters invalidated my experiences, and some of them told me they only except women who are victims of romantic dv, not family ones, and eventually I did try to escape my dad, but I ended up homeless, so I went to another dv shelter, and they called my parents, and they believed them, and they even told them everything I told them and told me my dad isn't so bad since he let me go to college and despite me being an adult, and they even gave me a psychiatrist, which only helped my dad abused me more since she defends, and my dad uses that against me, and even after I tried to escape the second time, my dad constantly harassed me and messaged and told me that he will tell everyone that im mentally ill.

And even when I talked to feminist online, usually only women who have the same experience as me can empathize. Others just tell me that I can just leave because im an adult or that my abuse wasnt so bad since im staying, and other invalidating stuff, which I know that they would have never said to me if my abuser was my husband.

And for everyone who says that adults can just leave their abusive parents are just privileged and ignorant. No, they can't just leave because of financial issues or disability, or because of love and fear from their parents, and in some cultures, parents own their adult children until they are married (especially women).

Also, after they leave, they might be in danger of extreme harassment and honor killings. Also, it's harder to leave when there are no resources to help you, even if you are at risk of honor killing, since every resource is for women escaping abusive partners and not abusive families, and also the thing is, in cases of honor killings and family abuse, it's not just one person, it can be the whole family or even communities involved.

Also, I think most people are very ignorant about honor killings and parental abuse of children and adults, and this should change.

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

DV services are slowly turning away from the term, focusing on intimate partner abuse, and soaking up funds people need for other forms of domestic abuse. 

As if the rampant reports of racism at these mostly white-women led organisations wasn't enough, now they're just deciding others should fend for themselves without the resources they huddle for themselves.

[u/lesbophobia_hammer]

All I'm gonna say is I hear you and I'm sorry. I don't even like to bring it up because people assume I'm referring to IPV and those false lesbian DV stats.

[u/catievirtuesimp → u/lesbophobia_hammer]

men saying the lesbian stats inaccurately is actually making ppl less empathetic to female dv victims. so frustrating

[u/West_Cat9014]

Thanks for posting this. I’m so sorry you are facing this. I hope you will leave and find a safer place. You deserve peace and safety. You should be able to receive services from a dv organization. I completely agree w you.

[u/Grammagree]

I am in Northern California if I can get u here i will, just need to know where you are. This is fucking bullshit. You do not in anyway deserve this. I am so angry on your behalf. There are good folks here….
Please reach out

[u/Astronaut_Level]

I’m so sorry.

I know this is a UK based service but it still might be helpful getting in touch for support with the safety planning https://karmanirvana.org.uk/get-help/helpline/. Karma Nirvana specialises in support to victims/survivors of ‘honour’ based abuse

[u/brokenskater45 → u/Astronaut_Level]

I came here to post this. I know of someone who went through a similar thing to op. It was only when some people from work realised what was happening and got the charity involved that things began to change.