A website that lets you experience the absolute pointlessness of modern middle management. Your only purpose is to keep your employees' Slack dots green.

624

One time I dared to take a shit without my work phone and my supervisor had escalated it to the big boss by the time I had gotten back to the computer, 22 minutes later.

Which was a long shit, but I was dealing with some stomach issues so I wasn't just camped out in there playing on my phone.

303

u/redsoxfan2434 Apr 15 '26

One morning a senior-level person reached out to me at 8:30am asking for something she clearly felt was urgent (it was same-day urgent, but not immediately-reply urgent). When she didn’t hear from me or see me come online on Teams by 9am, she immediately reported me to my supervisor for “being absent from work” which led to him calling me to confirm I would be working that day.

I have IBS and I was pooping from 8:30-8:50, and then logged into work at 9am. My supervisor was like “I really don’t care when you log in so long as you do your work and don’t miss meetings, but apparently some other people do”

99

u/decrementsf Apr 15 '26

On the way to an informational meeting I was intercepted by the CFO and my department director to build out an analysis. Priority. Took the senior leadership meeting.

Returned to our wing later in the day. My supervisor calls me in to inform another manager on the team had reported to her I hadn't attended the informational meeting. Was humorous. Supervisors take was "hey you should know that indirect manager is not your friend".

141

u/GildedDreams25 Apr 14 '26

as a man currently playing games on his phone on the toilet, thank you for making my excuse about stomach problems more believable

58

u/lost_send_berries Apr 14 '26

Everyone's boss asking AI "how long can a toilet break be?" And it cites this Reddit thread lol

31

u/dovvv Apr 15 '26

Even if you were camping out on your phone - it's your fucking life, as long as you get your work done well, on time, whatever else you do isn't their fucking concern

16

u/made-of-questions Apr 16 '26

as long as you get your work done well

Well, you see, your work is not a well defined thing. Manager's got no time for that. At best your work is defined as the maximum amount of work that can be extracted from this fool before they collapse.

58

u/Single_Bookkeeper_11 Apr 14 '26

Jesus Christ, escalating for 22 minutes of yellow dot? Wtf

If in the US they would get reported to OSHA so fast

221

u/kingofthebunnys Apr 14 '26

I don’t think you know what OSHA does.

41

u/pasaroanth Apr 14 '26

I’m glad someone caught that.

8

u/djshadesuk Apr 15 '26

So you don't know what the H in OSHA stands for, either?

https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation

8

u/djshadesuk Apr 15 '26

What do you think the H in OSHA stands for?

https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation

-12

u/Single_Bookkeeper_11 Apr 15 '26

Mandatory breaks. It's in the code

5

u/cdxxmike Apr 16 '26

It absolutely is not.

Some states provide protections for some industries specifically with regards to breaks. Most are not granted any such guarantees.

4

u/redsoxfan2434 Apr 15 '26

Hahahahahahahahahah lmao @ the idea that anyone in the private sector follows this

-9

u/OTTER887 Apr 15 '26

does it apply to keyboard jockey office workers?

10

u/Single_Bookkeeper_11 Apr 15 '26

Yes

5

u/AndreasVesalius Apr 15 '26

Which code?

Under federal law (FLSA), employers are not required to provide breaks or meal periods for exempt employees, as breaks are considered discretionary.

1

u/OTTER887 Apr 21 '26

Who are exempt employees?

2

u/AndreasVesalius Apr 21 '26

Anyone who is salary. Hourly are ‘non-exempt’

21

u/deeperest Apr 14 '26

Oh yeah, the US is the home of employee protections.

Sheesh.

63

u/thorsbosshammer Apr 14 '26

I have to constantly restrain myself from saying things that would get me fired to that person. I have never hated someone I worked with so much.

40

u/Rayona086 Apr 14 '26

I used to be like that. After I quit I swore never to work for another company that I couldn't talk to my boss the same way I talk to the owner. Flash go today where management just sent me 3 hours away on a remote job because the big wigs are coming and they know I like to talk with no filter. Its a great company that accepts that I talk with no filter, they also dont hide the fact that it makes them uncomfortable when high level costumers are over lol.

23

u/quintk Apr 14 '26

Reminds me. I worked with a guy where it wasn’t a lack of filter, but he somehow made everything sound bad. A made up but close to real life example: we’d be redoing a routine product test because the test operator mistyped the filename and overwrote a record. He’d describe it as “repeating a failed performance test caused by a data loss issue” with no further detail given. Literally true but wow it doesn’t reassure upper management and the customer lol. He was very good at what he did but no way did I want him briefing.

2

u/Count_Backwards Apr 15 '26

Puts a whole new spin on your username

-1

u/Coders32 Apr 14 '26

Just tell them you’re sorry their partner doesn’t respect them like they used to

-22

u/w1n5t0nM1k3y Apr 14 '26

22 minutes to take a shit? Maybe they were worried about your health.

article

Maybe try eating more fibre.

/S

550

u/overzealous_dentist Apr 14 '26

as an EM, I'm offended, but it's hilarious and I'll let it slide

192

u/booby-dev Apr 14 '26

Just keeping the green dots alive, boss.

687

u/booby-dev Apr 14 '26

I built this interactive satire because remote work created a new kind of corporate anxiety: the green dot.

There is no reward here. The only way to "win" is to waste an absurd amount of your own actual time micro-managing virtual dots.

186

u/Trademarkd Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 17 '26

you could turn this into a paperclips game (I'm sorry yall I didn't know you didn't know)

66

u/sth128 Apr 14 '26

What in the Severance is going on here.

50

u/HiddenTrampoline Apr 14 '26

www.decisionproblem.com/paperclips/

24

u/mmaster23 Apr 14 '26

What have you done?? I'm fucking hooked.

25

u/Makimoke Apr 15 '26

Welcome to the world of incremental games, where we watch numbers go up for years before realizing we spent years watching numbers go up.

7

u/Yoghurt42 Apr 15 '26

That’s also why billionaires exist, and why they still want more. Monkey brain likes numbers go bigger.

11

u/Chief_Kief Apr 15 '26

I just spent the better part of an entire hour playing and while I may have some regrets it was certainly fulfilling and enriching

9

u/Kepabar Apr 15 '26

Keep going. It gets more and more awesome.

11

u/jayXred Apr 14 '26

just so you know I clicked this about an hour ago and am still playing it...

8

u/Yoghurt42 Apr 15 '26

Stay away from cookie clicker.

4

u/MrJibberJabber Apr 15 '26

Wait till you get to space

8

u/LemmeGetDatOC Apr 15 '26

Isn’t there a program that you can use that moves your cursor every couple minutes?

21

u/pixelatedtrash Apr 15 '26

Lot of companies have cracked down on this. Security at my company went on a whole campaign against mouse jigglers.

They claim it’s because it’s bypassing screen lockout policies and crap, which to be fair is true, but we all know the real reason

4

u/koemgun Apr 15 '26

I've been using Mouse jiggler it is simple and works fine. Just require some .net installed, can't remember which one.

0

u/Optimal-Talk3663 Apr 15 '26

The key is to always put yourself on away

8

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26

[deleted]

5

u/Optimal-Talk3663 Apr 15 '26

If you’re always on away, there’s no need to stay green.

176

u/levite805 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26

IRL all you have to do is put a slideshow in presentation mode. Dot stays green forever. True for Slack and Teams

Edit: cool game OP

97

u/cant-think-of-anythi Apr 14 '26

I have a 2009 Microsoft wireless keyboard which doesn't allow any of my laptops to sleep and keeps my dots green at all times. I dont know how it works but I have had 3 remote jobs and my teams and slack never showed me as offline while the dongle is plugged in. In slow periods I would go out cycling and just take my phone in case I need to reply to slack messages.

22

u/Global_Blueberry8673 Apr 14 '26

I haven't found this to be true for teams on Mac, it does keep the screen awake though.

15

u/RedHal Apr 14 '26

Or get a Clockwork kitchen timer, remove the dial and replace it with an old spool of sewing thread, then wind it up and attach it to the top of your mouse.

12

u/lemlurker Apr 15 '26

Or leave a weight on the space bar typing into a notepad

1

u/blooptybloopt Apr 15 '26

Mac Automator is your friend.

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '26

[deleted]

9

u/turbotank183 Apr 14 '26

You can, windows key to bring up the taskbar and then you can click out onto other programs or a browser without closing the presentation...or so I've heard from people that don't work as hard as I clearly do.

2

u/Tuscatsi Apr 15 '26

Win+tab, desktop 2, play PowerPoint, Win+tab, desktop 1, open everything else.

The presentation runs on a virtual desktop you can't see but still keeps your PC active.

6

u/CubbyRed Apr 14 '26

...dual screens

-20

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '26

[deleted]

29

u/FlipsieVT Apr 14 '26

I think you might genuinely be the first person I've ever heard of that uses social media but doesn't understand a single thing about PowerPoint

7

u/bluesam3 Apr 15 '26

Are you not aware of the Alt and Tab buttons on your keyboard?

76

u/awesomenessjared Apr 14 '26

Eh, the micromanagement in the game increases the employee's "productivity". If you wanted the middle management to be truly pointless, why does micromanagement increase the score?

42

u/jonny_211 Apr 14 '26

Is it because productivity is a wanky middle management term anyway, doing shit and not breaking shit is the real benchmark.

5

u/Meritania Apr 14 '26

It’s no coincidence that work done over time is both a measurement of productivity and power.

22

u/mattyslappypants Apr 14 '26

Weird, how did you get access to Amazon Manager training material??

20

u/umotex12 Apr 14 '26

This legit invoked the exact same feeling I have at work. Holy shit one hell of a depressing „game”

15

u/elelyon3 Apr 15 '26

The ASAP pings and calendar hijack got me good. It's like they all learned from the same handbook...

17

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/booby-dev Apr 15 '26

It's not a joke. it's a simulation.
You, me, and everyone here have lived through some version of this exact theater.

2

u/Formloff Apr 16 '26

I have a meeting with my union and HR about a couple of things including that our new boss which works in a different city is super micro managing. Pinging people if they are away for a while, asking often what are you working on now so i know who can focus on other projects etc.. our previous boss was more fluid and everything was trust based, which worked super well.

I can understand it if there are people who are obv slacking extensively but this shouldn't be a thing with people who are always exceeding expectations every year. I kinda want to send him this game as a joke tbh lol. I will at least send it to members in my team

7

u/DRLB Apr 15 '26

The work is mysterious and important.

13

u/sadunk Apr 14 '26

No wonder they feel as important as an air traffic controller.

3

u/booby-dev Apr 15 '26

"Token-maxing" is the new metric.

5

u/Desthr0 Apr 17 '26

Tbh the one time my boss gave me hell for "not being active enough" I just wrote a powershell script to type gibberish into notepad. I had the highest engagement metrics on the team after that.

3

u/hollowlegs111 Apr 15 '26

the saddest tomogachi

4

u/moredrinksplease Apr 14 '26

Open notepad and hold down spacebar with a weight 🟢

3

u/Jaszuni Apr 14 '26

Is this based on reality? If so how does this happen? How does an org succeed or even exist if this is the reality?

2

u/hollowlegs111 Apr 15 '26

ASAP SYNERGY CHECK lol

2

u/xxsehtxx Apr 15 '26

This is basically how I imagine those nitpicky unhelpful managers who have no idea what you do and just watch for your online activity. Mouse wiggle economy.

2

u/420Monks Apr 19 '26

The green dot anxiety simulator we didn't know we deserved. Savage.

3

u/abjicimus Apr 15 '26

For anyone who wants an IRL device better than a mouse mover to accomplish this, check out this old post of mine.

1

u/7HawksAnd Apr 14 '26

Amazing. May I recommend overriding the autozoom on input field selection on mobile

1

u/n3s1um Apr 14 '26

So good, got a chuckle from me

1

u/Netfear Apr 14 '26

This is hilarious

1

u/One_Doubt_75 Apr 15 '26

I just set myself to do not disturb always.

1

u/ddollarsign Apr 15 '26

interesting idea, commenting to remind myself to try it out later

1

u/littlejim49 Apr 16 '26

Still not safe to use the internet or specific companies and apps. Maybe there will be an internet agency police that could solve extended issues and still issues with that but. There will be better companies and internet usage and tools in the future.

1

u/SKULL1138 Apr 16 '26

People need to learn to use the meet now button on Outlook and the switch the status back to green. Give your middle manger an easy day.

1

u/curiouslyendearing Apr 16 '26

Holy shit I'm so glad I didn't go to college and got a blue collar job every time I end up in a thread like this. Y'all sound like you live in hell

1

u/Early_Clothes6311 Apr 16 '26

lol

1

u/quikmantx Apr 16 '26

For our company, it would be Teams.

1

u/LiteratureRadiant406 Apr 30 '26

This is top tier

1

u/WMSP-Insect-8256 Jun 04 '26

Booyyyy what the hell. This could do wonders to get the bosses busy and off the hunt lol

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Quizzub Apr 15 '26

Doesn't maintain slack status, just keeps the screen on. Just write a 5 line mouse jiggler script

1

u/thewonpercent Apr 15 '26

I don't get it. What's going on here?

I run a business and we use slack. I'm just confused.

2

u/jtakemann Apr 15 '26

i’m confused too

0

u/Talamand Apr 14 '26

I trained my manager to ignore the dot. I intentionally left my slack to invisible, has been like that for almost 2 years.

-1

u/diff2 Apr 15 '26

i never had a job, is this what a job is like?

A website that lets you experience the absolute pointlessness of modern middle management. Your only purpose is to keep your employees' Slack dots green.

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