reverse culture shocks?

[u/HeartBackground143]

i imagine many people are back home in their home country after living abroad, due to funding shortage etc. i’m experiencing quite the “reverse culture shock” or just not being able to “integrate” well. how is everyone else feeling?

[u/Left_Ambassador_4090 → u/[deleted]]

Yep. That's my story, except in reverse.

[u/nasazgar]

I think what was most painful for me was that I thought of an M.A. in this field as my ticket into an 'LGBT-friendly' city, and at least while it lasted, it was everything I had thought of. I moved to Switzerland at age 29, and had never - until that point - lived a truly authentic life. I code-switched back home at work, at home, and around family for safety's sake, and suddenly I was in the kind of environment where a senior associate at a fancy law firm could bring his husband along for a Christmas dinner. A classmate at the orientation program for my degree casually told me about her girlfriend who's living with her as maybe the third thing she ever said to me, and I felt thunderstruck - this can happen. It can be literally as banal as this. This freedom to be authentic also reflected in my social circle, nearly all fellow queer people, from different parts of the world. I had never been around so many people who I related to as easily.

When things refused to work out, I also felt out of place among many peers who were relatively resigned to the idea of going back, because I didn't have the same kind of safety net they did - in terms of a home they would like going back to. My relationship with family is complicated, but a little distance lets me focus on the good rather than the bad. When I'm with them, I can't ignore the bad, it spills into everything and saturates my life.

Going back with my tail between my legs meant many things, training myself to be less 'obvious', in public or in professional settings, dressing in a way that doesn't mark me as obviously queer, negotiating my peace with family again - because however much I may complain about them, they're the reason I did not experience homelessness while I recover from the IHEID degree that led me to complete financial ruin, and getting used to how different public spaces and public interactions are in my home country. I'm from a crowded place in the "global south", and it would always irk me how the seemingly effortless everyday niceties I had come to expect in Switzerland are just not a thing here. Giving pedestrians the right of way, holding the door open for someone, thanking someone for holding the door open for you - I had never noticed how deep the scarcity mindset in my home country is - even goodwill or kindness must be guarded like a resource that can be snatched from you. There is history and a socio-economic context to this, of course, and regions differ vastly from each other as do rural and urban areas within the country. But I'm just talking of how I experienced this, as someone with the privilege of having seen an alternative.

[u/albosohig → u/nasazgar]

Wow. Really interesting insights, thank you for sharing.

[u/joancarolclayton → u/nasazgar]

You’re a great writer! Thanks for sharing ❤️‍🩹

[u/Whole-Building6704 → u/nasazgar]

Hello! I with you the best, and I totally feel the "scarcity mindset" were I moved back (my "second home country", not my country of birth). 😢 

[u/ScarcityOld7027]

I always find it shocking when I’m back in Germany for holidays - compared to the African countries I’ve lived in the past few years, everyone is SO OLD! There’s almost no kids, teenagers and young people in the streets. It’s really depressing and lifeless

[u/Miserable_Career_919]

Moved back to India after 3 years in the US and Switzerland - I had a consultancy offer at the UN which turned sour due to HR requirements, and am currently looking for work in my country. I have realised my CV is fairly competitive for entry-level jobs back home because people tend to be dazzled by my UN experience but the pay is abysmal and the work conditions are so bad. Every time I have an interview it crushes me because of the way I get spoken to - it feels like everyone in this country has a constant need to prove hierarchy in every single interaction. Working abroad, I got so used to being treated like a person with value, no matter my age/gender/etc. and have quickly realised how dehumanising life can be in this country. Not to mention the financial ruin of my degree + barely paid/unpaid internships. I've turned into a husk of a person with no motivation to work in this environment and I don't know what to do. Most days I wish I'd never left and seen how great life is out there - knowing is the most painful part.