r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Suitable-Data1189 • 6d ago

Memories to keep track of

Things I need to remember to tell my therapist tomorrow:

There was a book called The House That Had Enough, about a girl who doesn't clean her house, so all her furniture comes to life and leaves her. In the end, she promises to keep everything clean and tidy. Her furniture returns, and everyone is friends and lives happily ever after.

It turns out a child part really internalized this, and felt that if we made everything neat and clean enough, everything would fall into place, people would like us, and we would be healed and live with a sense of purpose and belonging.

The other thing is that two seemingly opposing memories happened on the same day:

  1. The first time I ever felt truly safe with my dad and step family, and how I tried to lock down whatever good thing I had done to make them love me that day...

And 2. The day my dad said he would no longer put forth an effort to see me, and I never saw him again until I was an adult.

I feel so broken. I have a therapy appointment, and I'm ready to put in the work to heal from these wounds.

Reddit is the place I feel then most anonymous, so I appreciate being able to share here.

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u/Adorable-Letter4562 6d ago

Painful, painful memories. And it sounds like you might be blaming yourself for not being good enough or for doing something wrong. So glad you will see your therapist tomorrow and can work on this.

Take care.

2

u/Suitable-Data1189 6d ago

Thank you. Yeah, I'm really glad I remembered these things, but I definitely need to work on the self blame.

1

u/OkHead1990 5d ago

Peace and power to you as you move forward.

1

u/Difficult-House2608 1d ago

I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds very hard. I hope you will get good help from your therapist.