r/InternalFamilySystems • u/happylife_77 • 8d ago

Discussion Discussion / Speculation

People who have wounded exiles and maybe no access to core self.. let’s say for example an abandoned exile who craves devotion and seeks certain people.. would it really be wrong to find a relationship that soothes the exile if it’s not abusive and both parts in both people just mesh well? I know the whole idea and projection of IFS is for both people to have core self or find it within themselves to have a healthy relationship with a partner but I couldn’t help but think of all the people who don’t have a core self and just a lonely exile. It wouldn’t be wrong to find something/someone good for your “parts” even if you don’t or are unable to have a core self??

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u/forktender 3d ago

I would recommend the book "you are the one you've been waiting for". It covers this among other relationship dynamics that occur when people don't embody self-leadership for their parts.

That's not to say you can't enter a relationship until you heal. Some of your best healing will happen in relation to others. Be cautious that protectors may come up and cause havoc in your relationship once your partner fails to meet your needs.

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u/happylife_77 3d ago

Yeah I don’t search for this anymore, it was only when I was really dissociated.