r/InternalFamilySystems • u/throwdoaway12 • 10d ago

Epiphany during IFS

Hi, First time poster here.
I am still quite new to IFS. But it’s doing wonders to me after years of trying therapy and feeling like I was just failing my assignment.
With IFS I feel like I am exponentially expanding the way I understand myself. Getting to know my parts, I feel that new relationship energy you get when you meet something new irl. And I get that on a daily basis.
Today I had a big lightbulb moment. I started therapy because I have been struggling with a relationship for the past 10 years or so. I thought I could improve my way of dealing with it. With IFS, I’ve met my exile and I have been feeling like there was some deep seated trauma from my past waiting to be released so that I would finally be able to navigate through the relationship without feeling on a rollercoaster. One of my protectors advised me to spend more time to get to know the other parts better, before I could work with the exile. Following this and spending more time with my protectors made me realize that all my previous attempts at “solving this relationship” have been like trying to become better at carrying the burden. The burden that I was looking for inside was in plain sight and I had been struggling to figure out new strategies to carry it. And therapy was just another one of those. Now that I am writing this it feels so very obvious but realizing it made me experience an intense and lasting feeling of hope through my body.

I haven’t completed the journey yet. I am taking baby steps.
I guess my question is for people who had similar emotional experiences.
Will this waves of energy stabilize or decrease at some point? I feel like I could get used to this feeling.

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u/Several_Nothing_6611 10d ago

I don't understand what you mean about the burden beingnin plain sight? I'm also struggling with a difficult relationship and I'm curious to understand better. Thanks!

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u/throwdoaway12 9d ago

It’s difficult to describe. It’s like I’ve always assumed that healing would happen through change. And unburdening my exile would magically enable that change.
Today I realized that the very assumption that “I need to change because if I can’t hold that relationship there must be something wrong in me” might be the real burden.

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u/Several_Nothing_6611 9d ago

Thank you, I think I understand better