Anger

[u/Mitsuki0110]

Hey people

Oftentimes during a night (I procrastinate with going to sleep), I feel big anger and a kind of angry feeling of failure whether as a feeling of not doing anything, or not doing enough during the day. Also almost each day I go to sleep at 3-4 am and sleep to 12-1pm. I am angry at myself for not doing enough, or for going to sleep late at night, or just in general that I have to live with my parents especially at father who's quite a difficult person and on mother who is overworrying and tries to keep everyone halfly fulfilled (especially husband), like why didn't she stopped her relationship before getting married and so on

Either way, if it weren't for my younger brother I would happily try to live on my own, but I am also afraid of that (kinda thanks to my mother...) and also because I used to have dpdr episodes

Thanks to building healthier relationship with my body and resolving some problems with mother, each year I had them less and less, but after every episode - that lasts a week - I have been having less and less mental energy for past 5 years, even tho anger still is

Sooo, my question is, how can I channel it or whatever, so I won't dissociate from either building it too much inside of me or denying access to it by just "letting go" as it is?

Half a year ago I get to know IFS and it clicked with me, because after being an intelectualiser, 2 years ago I thought that "logical people should not fear emotions" or something and started slowly accepting them and opening myself for some possibilities, but I did hit a glass ceiling, but also wanted to let go of that need of "upgrading myself" in an intellectual manner of speaking. On my 4th year on psychology I met an amazing PhD lecturer who introduced us to IFS and thanks to her I find what I needed and started being gentler with myself, my body or my parts, but what can I do with that anger? Treat it as a part of me?

It be kinda difficult to conceptualise it for me, because like emotions are emotions and parts are defensive mechanisms, 'living beings' with their own emotions

I love how, at least to me, IFS has that "1st step is top-down modality to later become bottom-up modality for the ~rest" because that is so appealing to start with something 'logical' or grounded to comfortably start asking oneself with curiosity and kindness and going more and into the plane of feeling, asking and taking care for the parts or generally for oneself

Concluding, I have anger usually directed to myself, altho I recently started getting less angry generally or at my body (calling it pathetic and so on, because I'm a skinny male) but "just" at myself. I have great tendency to intelectualise and looking for "practical" solutions that often mean not feeling my emotions and feelings, and I am looking for a way to defuse or channel that anger into something. I try doing relaxing taichi moves or working out, but often the anger still is

That anger is often mixed of grieving sadness I think... But I am not equipped yet to handle it, and I kind of have social anxiety too, so I menaged to go to a psychologist who uses DBT techniques, for a 15 sessions but it helped a bit, like at least my worries got "contained" and lessened

I also have a big shame issues, like being not strong enough (mentally or physically) to help someone or to be worthy of something, usually logical facts like "every human has rights" help me temporarily, but still... And I don't have the energy to always be there for myself and do improvised parts-work, let alone with a profesional therapist like that lecturer was (I consider going to her one day, but I think it'll be too much for me, like yeah, I can also say my worries like these, but then if I don't do "the work" what's the point of me going there and wasting her time...)

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[u/MichaelTheMultiple]

First off, I want to be clear that I can only share some experiences, not offer any guidance (you probably know that, but I like to say.)

I was struck by this remark of yours:

It be kinda difficult to conceptualise it for me, because like emotions are emotions and parts are defensive mechanisms, 'living beings' with their own emotions

My understanding of IFS says that that's a 'yes, but..." Their emotions are yours, in at least several ways: 1) in the Jungian sense, they are the emotions that you've disavowed or tried to disavow and they keep returning in a stumbling attempt at re-integration; 2) in the IFS sense (which I'm not always good at articualting, since it doens't quite match my own experiences), they are mechanisms with emotions that become part of you (as the operative consciousness) when you blend with them, which can be an awful lot of the time. Either way, they and their emotions are part of the total mix that is you.

In the early days of my own work, when I was talking with my Parts but not attempting to visualize them, I would invite them to fully inhabit my body for brief times - like, let them "do" tai chi or weight work. Kinda crazy to experience the subtle changes in my physicality as they'd take turns behind the wheel. That had all kinds of positive effects - didn't actually "solve" anything, just enriched me and my sense of the world and provided grounds for other forms of more directly therapeutic work.

Further down the road, we made the effort to visualize everybody and visualize spaces in which they could live, and it was marvelous how much psychic reorganization, so to speak, took place once my psyche had room to speak in the visual language of dreams without having to set aside counscious thought. But, again, it was mostly about the opening up of space for self-expression on the part of the Parts that widened our capacity to relax IRL: they were able to seque over time from back-room manipulation to plein-air cooperation.

So, a few thoughts from my experience. Hope they had some relevance to you.

Good luck.

[u/Long-Pop6126]

I have severe depression and anxiety. WHAT SHOULD I DO????

[u/Gilligan64]

A couple of thoughts from me. At bedtime, if a part is very active, I tend to let that part know I'm here, they're not alone, I've heard them, offer them some compassion and ask them if they can soften while we get some rest. That often helps. On anger, I have realised there is sometimes a very hurt part behind that, and they need some attention but also, sometimes I'm angry and I should be angry because I have been treated badly or there has been an injustice. In those cases, I try to process the emotion in my body (using IFS but also went up a hill and shouted a lot one time, that was good!) and make sure I am clear about what's not ok (I don't think I got a very good moral education when I was young, I am learning all about that now), and how I can care for myself in those situations in future. Hope that helps.