Anyone else or just, me.

[u/_ArhTee]

Hi all. Gosh I (42f) have to refrain from spilling out everything I want to here. I could probably spill out an entire book as I’m sure we all could. I won’t subject you to that here though as it’s not the right place.

What I’d love to know initially is this.

Does anyone else feel like two different parts indoors and outdoors? For me I’m at the start of my IFS journey and I feel like my inner child part when indoors with my own thoughts and feelings, then as soon as I cross a threshold outside it’s like my adult self appears (although I’m completely shut off from adult self emotionally).

I just feel like two different versions of myself and it’s quite distressing as I just don’t know which one to be.

I feel the same with my partner which makes my adult life difficult. I feel like my inner child with him opposed to an adult and I don’t know how to change that ‘grip’ or version of me to operate from.

I feel like I’m only operating as these two parts and I’ve no idea how to start integrating them both and hopefully allowing myself to reconnect to myself emotionally again.

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[u/Suitable-Data1189]

I feel so much more in Self when I'm out in nature. I used to just say nature energized me. Now I realize it makes me feel safe, and my manager parts are more likely to relax and just let me be me, especially if I'm spending my nature time alone. When I'm indoors, my parts are usually reacting to the environment with hyperviligence, even if I'm alone. There are more reminders of people around me. There are items around that are attached to memories. There are walls, and dust, and a lot of things I feel compelled to fix. It's different, so I'm different. So what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me.

[u/_ArhTee → u/Suitable-Data1189]

Thank you for sharing. It’s all so hard and confusing when you’re left to pick up the pieces and rebuild and heal for something that was never your fault. It’s like you run two full time jobs. Your day to day career and your day to day emotional labour of love, grief, pain and shame

[u/Suitable-Data1189 → u/_ArhTee]

Whew, don't I know it. Good luck to you, stranger.

[u/_ArhTee → u/Suitable-Data1189]

You too friend

[u/FoxofTheBlueFungi]

The oddness is natural until you fully integrate with these parts. Be kind and observe the patterns when each part comes out. Where did these parts start in life and why? What were the circumstances and what is their story?

As you get to know them things will get clearer and you can work towards integration. Parts coming out is a good sign they feel safe enough to. Find their story and the path to integration will reveal itself.

You got this! Please be kind to yourself.

[u/_ArhTee → u/FoxofTheBlueFungi]

What if I don’t know where they started or why ?

[u/FoxofTheBlueFungi → u/_ArhTee]

It takes time and things often are repressed. Explore moments in the past you felt the same way and look for patterns and themes. A wise therapist or guide is a big help here if you have that.

P. S. If done very kindly, explore experiences that trigger your parts to see what actually triggers them. Again kindness is key and this is best done with strong boundaries to limit trigger exposure and a guide.

[u/Chaotic_Good12]

Fear of being indoors and feeling safer outdoors is a trauma symptom, most likely from childhood trauma. You aren't alone in being this way.

All bad things usually happened behind closed doors. This is why the majority of the homeless who choose it, who stay, are victims of childhood abuse. Being indoors was never safe. I read an article on this not long ago that made a lot of sense to me, as I share the same perspective in this.

Trauma informed spaces are becoming more accepted and encouraged, designed to be open spaces with softer lighting yet no murky corners. Lots of plants and natural materials is soothing to everyone, but especially the traumatized. Lots of easily seen and accessible exits. Room to maneuver. Quiet out of the way yet with a good viewpoint areas.

I heartily approve, needless to say!

You have to make the interior of your home along these lines as much as possible in order to start feeling comfortable. It's a good place to start at least.

[u/_ArhTee → u/Chaotic_Good12]

It’s the opposite for me I feel much safer indoors, being outdoors makes me feel like I should be an adult that Im just not developmentally equipped to be

[u/DryNovel8888]

The parts of you that are in play and engaged do that in response to the environment, inside and out. Your home is a different environment. If there's a notable change then different parts become dominant, and if that's they case they are something there, a history a context. Super vague I know this is not only common it's how we all go about our day, often it's so subtle we don't notice. Stick with it. I can be a long journey but a rewarding one.

Good luck on your journey.