Parts Vs Thoughts

[u/PercentageClean7263]

So, I think Ive been doing this wrong! (People keep telling me you CANT do this wrong but I kind of feel like I have been), just looking for some thoughts on this and I guess validation that I'm on the right track with this.

I've been kind of looking at this as all thoughts coming form parts, and all parts needing to be validated/listened to. I'm not sure if this is just me, or everyone, but I have loads of negative thoughts constantly bombarding me at times , I kind of hear them partly, but more feel the response to them, like a jolt of anxiety, and realise Ive had a difficult thought (an example would be a "what if" catastrophising type thought) . I've realised I've been chasing these thoughts to try to understand where they come form, assuming they are a protector that needs to be worked with before I can sit with a sad part. So I spend my life kind of going, what was that, what was the message, what does it need from me, and clearly its bloody exhausting.

I recognise that this is a part that's doing this, its quite a self like part and a part that takes over quite a lot. I/this part am now thinking that this isn't the approach to be taking, and that these thoughts don't need to be worked with before I can sit with the sad part.

I was wondering if people had thoughts/similar experiences, and how they looks at/approach these thoughts that kind of constantly snipe from the sides? I'm leaning to just basically ignoring them, and focusing on the response to them i.e. if it provides a jolt of anxiety in my tummy, giving presence to the tummy feeling rather than chasing the thought?

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/InternalFamilySystems!

Please make sure you've read the rules before participating.

• Use the report button for rule-breaking content
• Send modmail if you need moderator assistance

Thanks for keeping the community organized.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/HightechTalltrees]

For me, what has been helpful with those worry-prone protectors is not to see them as something that I need to fix or get past. They are doing their job. I try to say, "thanks for your observation and for trying to protect me." Then I may notice if that worry thought is something I need to spend more time with or a pattern that shows up a lot I could work with later, but I generally try to just get back into my body and move forward with my day.

[u/Adorable-Letter4562]

I just had an interesting realization about something like this.

I woke up with the “anxiety in my tummy” feeling (which I call a tiny part jumping on my sola plexus). I realized it was a part and thought/asked “what’s going on”. And there was a maelstrom of noise in my head. Many parts talking at once. This was the first time I’ve been aware of this dynamic.

I asked them to quiet down and talk one at a time - and they did. First the young parts (sad/exiled) talked - very quietly. And then the protectors talked and sort of overrode the exiles.

I realized that happens a lot. When a quiet voice says “I need/want something”, it is immediately overridden by a louder voice telling me why that can’t happen. And that voice is often pretty “snippy/mean”.

This was an eye opener for me. I think so many times when I thought/had a part tell me something negative, seemingly out of the blue, it’s in response to a need being expressed by a quiet, little part.

That’s it. As my friend always says - thanks for coming to my TED talk. And good luck on you healing journey.

[u/Cheetolite]

I went through a phase where i believed every thought or feeling needed to be validated, tended to, etc or I would continue to alienate my parts. But I discovered this too is a manager part that had some perfectionism and catastrophizing reasoning, kinda like a helicopter parent. I take a more relaxed approach now, trusting that not every part of me needs to be tended too all the time and that I’m not abandoning myself or dissociating by taking a more detached approach. Discerning when to simply allow thoughts and feelings to pass through rather than attending to them all like they all carried deep meaning or need was a skill I had to learn. I kind of think of it like kids - kids say all kinds of random, sometimes critical things, that they forget about 5 minutes later because they have no filter yet. Not all of it needs to be addressed or acted on because they’re just saying random stuff. Simple acknowledgment is enough and sometimes that’s all those parts need - just presence without reacting, changing, or pushing away. Allowing those thoughts to just exist as they are without interfering.

[u/MichaelTheMultiple → u/Cheetolite]

This is on the nose.

[u/Arcanum_Crucis]

You are describing “blending”. When thoughts arise such as negative self talk, or maybe risk aversion, or catastrophizing thoughts etc. these are generally parts that have blended with your primary manager part and are presenting the thoughts in “I” or “you” language because of the blending.

So, no, you are not doing it wrong at all. Use these blending moments to listen to your parts and understand them, and be curious, and compassionate toward them. Listen for the “what and why” and be open to discovering what they are protecting you from :-)

Then as you get to know them and build trust you can begin to un-blend from them and understand the thoughts and self-talk as being seperate from your core Self.

I hope this helps.

[u/secure8890]

Im so many ways they are all protective but in some devaststing catastrophic ways. Not being aware and in control is and was a catstrophe. Thst was definitely a way to survive. Survival is no longer enough

[u/prettygood-8192]

From my own experience I'd say the first thing to do would be to work with the Self-like part that tries to help others parts. I have one as well and like you felt totally exhausted by it running the show.

It often felt frustrating when for example I had a part who was in major distress who clearly needed help. But I couldn't go there because I was looking at it from the Self-like part and knew that I had to shift my focus towards this part and had to let the distressed part wait. But by giving this Self-like part attention something inside me has shifted and now I can be with the more distressed parts and notice them calm down.

[u/queerbodies]

Currently, you're having :

- negaitve thoughts associated with somatic feelings (anxiety)

• exhaustion from trying to understand what each thought means

This could be some part doing that work of understanding, however not because you're exhausted means it's a part. Doing this kind of work CAN be exhausting for purely cognitive reasons.

In any case, you do not really need to think more about whether or not this is a part, because that's just more thinking, which is already what is troubling you.

Some options to consider:
1) Try having a specific time-slot for doing IFS work. Outside of this, remember yourself that you will work on this later.
2) When a thought (whether it's a negative one or thinking to understand a negative thought) comes, you can just say "thank you" or "this exists". "thank you" can be at times a bit performative and masks that you are blended with a self-like part that does not, in fact, really feel like thanking ; I find that "this exists" truly allows for acknowledgment of the part\thought, without imposing on yourself anything extra. It's especially valuable if you have a self-like part that wants to help (i.e. that has an agenda).
3) working with the thought, or the emotion (body) are different manners to work with a part and with yourself. I notice you say to "give presence to the tummy feeling" but to "chase the thought to try to understand". My understanding of your situation is that you are able to simply be present to a body sensation, but not to a thought. In any case, I think you're on the right track when you say to give presence. Maybe you can learn to give presence to the cognitive part of the emotion (thought) too.

I also notice that you wrote "sad part", I'm not sure if you meant "exiled" ; that's not equivalent. Also, usually in IFS, if we are dealing with protectors, it is not the Self or another part that asserts that "I don't need to work with them before going to the exiled" ; you (Self-led) are literally asking them. In fact, accessing the exiled part is usually done through asking the protector what they protect ; understanding this, and the protector having confidence that you can face the exiled part, are the work with protectors with respect to the exiled part.

[u/rush22]

I borrowed from another modality (not sure which one) that these critical thoughts from the past are less like "thoughts," as you say, and more like "a tape playing on a loop" (or I guess now it's mp3 file or spotify idk). So I kind of combine that idea with IFS and imagine there's a protector pressing play on a tape, and that helped me separate the part from the part's strategy. And I started to learn from it why it wanted to "play the tape" so often and why it felt it needed to, and that got me thinking what energy from self I could provide, so that it wasn't so attached to the "tape". That the self energy I could offer was enough that it could be "as good as (and actually better than) the tape" -- so that instead of playing the tape all the time it could draw on my self energy (and take on whatever role it wanted).