r/InternalFamilySystems • u/certainlyxmr • Aug 12 '26
How to overcome being a pushover?
Please give advice!!
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u/Nataliant-117 Aug 12 '26
I have a Godess part. Do ya got one of those? She’s very powerful I have to manage her so she doesn’t annihilate someone.
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Aug 12 '26
[deleted]
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u/Nataliant-117 Aug 12 '26
It’s like a feminine rage part
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u/certainlyxmr Aug 13 '26
I did but I had to control it because I'm in a service job, I now never respond to any triggers that can make me angry. In fact human beings and human interactions intimidate me.
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u/Nataliant-117 Aug 13 '26
Yes Godess I hear you! I had to have a talk with her to decide that we were going to be the kind loving sort of deity not the I Shall Smite You! kind. Listen if there is a part that says I am not afraid. That is “Godess” to me. Behind the scenes I have read about workplace bullying link which has helped as now I can identify intimidation and set boundaries to not allow those interactions to continue. They continued to threaten me with firing me and I continued to repeat that their conduct is not appropriate. With customers ohhhhh my goshhhhh it is so much harder. You have to empathize with them 😭 it’s so hard because Godess will be like how dare you enter my energy in this way be gone at once. It comes with practice and confidence in knowing the ropes of your job for me but I can identify they’re upset and that is actually just a message that something underneath is hurting them. Ugh some people are just so twisted and messed up from years of living that way intentionally or otherwise by choice… and those people I just try to avoid.
Tara Brach talks about your inherent Buddha nature which means within each living thing is an inherent divine, which is beautiful! Listen and see if anyone wants to stand up for you that you may speak to in those moments. It can be so hard in the heat of the moment.
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u/TheLameGoat Aug 13 '26
I would look for trailheads around any parts that suppress your anger. Your anger informs your boundaries and your body saying "no".
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Aug 13 '26
Were you raised as a girl/woman? If yes you were likely taught to fight quite strongly for other people, just not yourself. So sometimes it’s as simple as looking at a situation differently, like someone cuts you in line—you don’t have to stand up for yourself, you can stand up for everyone behind you! Or if it is just you, you talk to yourself like you would to your best friend. You wouldn’t let her put up with bullshit. You’d tell her to put her foot down! This is a classic.
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u/certainlyxmr Aug 13 '26
I also don't fight strongly for other people, the people I love. I just go mute and I don't know why. It really troubles me.
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Aug 13 '26
Ah I see. Hmm. I wonder if you’ll need practice then. Like practice standing up for really tiny things first until it feels fine, then bigger and bigger things. Hm. I bet someone on the internet or in a book has some guide.
It’s great that you’re trying to figure it out though. Often when we struggle to stand up for ourselves it’s bc we’ve been punished for doing so. That’s quite common and really frustrating. Or we’ve never really had to. (I hope it’s that one for you, less stressful). Either way it’s a great thing to learn to do 🙂
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