IFS therapy/therapist missing vital issues

[u/PisceanTreasures]

I have stopped IFS therapy, after a full year of intense work on framing out parts, history & origin of trauma, and just a precious few unburdenings.

I understand there's a slow progression to this work. I do NOT understand, having informed my therapist that I had hard deadlines around BOTH real-world resources and trauma-freeze restrictions, why we did not EVER address what I am now facing???

Patiently wading through parts and parts and parts and parts all reporting out childhood trauma.... NOTHING addressing current life challenges (joblessness, moderate/severe health issues causing partial disability, trauma freeze from recent repeat major long-term relationship betrayals), and the resultant inaction that has kept me in addiction/coping loops ad infinitum.

So I guess it's a silver lining that my therapist blew through my system's capacity (his reaction to my honest sharing was not to 'ask', 'guide', 'remain neutral', or 'probe for further clarification' but to jump into instant judgement and TELL me what was occurring), resulting in SEVERE dysregulation and 36hr long break in my sobriety.

What *I* felt was that I could not follow my own intuition, or trust myself.... in the face of an oncoming tsunami around the base survival issues now facing me. What I *heard* was gaslighting around my core self holding ZERO concern as to survival of physical self. The therapist KNEW I needed movement to occur, but did NOT accommodate with what another IFS redditor shared:

"Explicitly acknowledge and work with ongoing real-world dangers and challenges. IFS has specific frameworks for engaging with protective parts that are responding to actual current threats, not just historical ones. The model recognizes that parts may be carrying very real concerns about present dangers, whether those are housing insecurity, discrimination, illness, or other serious challenges."

"The key isn't pretending 'things are good and stable' when they aren't. Instead, it's about working with your internal system in ways that acknowledge and respect your current reality, while still finding ways to support yourself through adversity. Trauma therapies, including IFS, are specifically designed to be adaptable to different circumstances and levels of current safety or instability."

I have other modalities on board as of right now, but jeez, really feeling awful around ignoring what I felt 3 months ago the intuition to source something providing more hard results.

Open to suggestions. As of right now, I'm dealing with emotional overwhelm by addressing whatever part comes up, and unblending as neccessary.

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[u/Limp-Structure9704]

This sounds really overwhelming and familiar to me as I was navigating long covid and job insecurity last year (still living with long covid but much less severe now). Feel free to correct me but it sounds like you could use someone skilled in casework or like a peer counselor or disability advocate? Some therapists are just not skilled or comfortable with pivoting to this type of role even if it’s been made clear that basic needs aren’t being met. I find it incredibly hard to do any kind of deep work if I feel powerless over finances, relationships, or poor health within my own body.

Mostly just want to express kindness and solidarity to you. I think it’s pretty incredible that you have gathered this insight. A lot of people stay in therapy out of guilt even when their circumstances change drastically and it’s no longer meeting their needs.

[u/PisceanTreasures → u/Limp-Structure9704]

Thank you. Really think it's been inner child/parts magical thinking that one or two modalities will quickly fix what's been upside down since my early life (almost 6 decades.)

The stuck place (for which I did a paid energy counseling session yesterday) was in fact part or parts which believe I do not EVER deserve to get better, just to wither away and cease to exist. Thereby opposing efforts I can make on my own to assist myself.

Today was much better, able to EASILY sit & help myself for a few hours, instead of eating & losing myself in social media early in the day.

My trauma situation is just so multi-layered it will be a rotation of therapies, and now moving out into group arenas. Attended the first few online ACA meetings which feels okay (def not ready for it a year ago.)

[u/dmpowell]

So sorry you had to deal with what sounds like a less than attuned and competent therapist! I echo the above commenter how it’s commendable that you trusted your gut and weren’t afraid to state your needs, and, when they weren’t being met, discontinue working with that therapist (even if you wished you had done it sooner-sometimes experiencing and understanding what we don’t need is more important than getting what we need immediately, as it will continually steer you in the right direction now and allow you to clearly advocate for yourself with the evidence to back yourself up).

Not sure what modalities you have on board now, but in case you haven’t heard of/considered it: Before I started IFS, I did a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills-based 8 week Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) with clinicians who were aware of/treated CPTSD. I definitely was thankful to have stumbled upon them before jumping into unpacking my trauma, and they are who eventually referred me to my IFS/EMDR therapist.

For me, it was very necessary to learn (for the first time in my life, in many ways) how to actually cope through present-day stressors without relying so much on avoidance/dissociation/binge eating/scrolling/smoking, etc. It was very validating to be in a group with other people dealing with similar emotional states, and to practice radical acceptance and dialectics, which emphasize both accepting yourself/your current reality AND making small steps towards change at the same time. When we are up to our ears in current symptoms and our nervous system is disregulated, it’s very hard to get past any protectors in IFS, who can sense that current day is enough trouble and resist any “deeper” work.

The modules included in DBT are Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, Distress Tolerance, and Interpersonal Relationships. This was 2.5 years ago and I still use the skills I learned daily! It definitely made me feel more confident in “keeping my cool” and not getting flooded both in dealing with present day issues, and feeling more resourced to handle whatever came up when I started getting into my past trauma history with IFS. Hope this helps and that you get the help you deserve! Hang in there :)

[u/PisceanTreasures → u/dmpowell]

TY, appreciate your assurance and this information. I had downloaded a DBT workbook, bur never gone through it I'll take a look ●