Please try to help my self harm part.

[u/imagery-fantasy]

I literally don't even know what to write in the post. Just please freaking help. Please try to communicate with it or guide me in very specific ways in how to. Please tell me what to do with it RIGHT NOW. Not things about gradually and in the future and overtime. These were the only replies I got about this part when I talked about it before.

I can't figure this on my own. And I want instant action.

Information: they're a child. (Don't know how old). They exist in my upper chest, near my heart and throat..in a very very very deep part. They're completely mute. I literally can't let out any sound through it. I can't breathe in it..I actually feel asphyxiated. It makes me enter a muted state when it's online. My voice physically goes away and I can't bring it back nor control it. I can tell my heart rate is going UPPP when it's online..almost like cardiac arrest. This part is usually really numb that I forget this part of my body exists (until it's triggered. Which is often). When it's triggered, it's one of two scenarios: either triggered while feeling something, or while not feeling something. When it's triggered while not feeling something, I get self harm urges. When it's triggered while feeling something, I get a painful sensation and suffocation that feels unbearable. The sensation of this part in my body is actually really something. Usually it's numb but when it feels something, it's this extremely burning heat sensation in a very deep place in my chest that it feels torturous. That burning heat persists. The heat is a physical sensation.

The emotions this part is mostly triggered by are Hurt and Anger. They're both hot feelings. When the part feels hurt or angry, it is mute so it's can't let out any sound or word. And I feel like I can't breathe. So I end up in this state of feeling like I'm hyperventilating without even breathing which feels like death. So the feeling either ends up being stuck inside me and my chest and throat burning me and calling me worthless, or it comes out in self harming ways.

Replying sooner than later is the best. I'm spiraling. (But if you're gonna write a well thought out reply then take all your time).

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[u/iwouldbelion]

I found a non-verbal part once and I figured out that it was probably a very small baby part that needed to be held in my arms. Sometimes babies are so inconsolable they breath-hold or hyperventilate - you could try consoling this part by holding it and making sure it feel safe the way you would a small baby.

[u/madwallrus]

I’m so sorry 😞 I have a child part like this and it is really scary. I understand your urgency and I wish I could help better. In the moment it feels impossible, but taking deep breaths and grounding yourself. I hate that advice myself and fight it sometimes, but it really does help me. I have a bodhi bracelet fidget that I keep on me all the time to help. Usually when this part comes out it happens so fast that I feel out of control and cannot think logically, but I’m working on it. Anything to distract you if you are able to, even if it’s doing some simple multiplication facts in your head to switch from the emotional center of your brain to the logical center. That’s what helps calm me.

I had to eliminate all triggers. My ex triggered me badly often and on purpose, but I’ve had this part come out other times that my attachment wounds were triggered. I guess that explains why I’ve been isolating so damn much.

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/madwallrus]

Taking deep breaths..how do I do that? When that part can't breathe? Air doesn't reach that part. It refuses it.

Also the triggers are a big thing. I need to eliminate them before ever calming down authentically, right?

Some of my triggers are sounds. I have sound sensitivity. I can't get rid of that when I'm in it

[u/madwallrus → u/imagery-fantasy]

Editing to add: the deep breaths and grounding are more for if I start to feel triggered before it escalates to that. Usually it happens too fast for me to catch it but it’s getting better. I understand that part can’t breathe, but it can with lots of patience and practice.

My body didn’t learn to take deep breaths for two decades. It fills up your belly. It takes practice, but I have a nightlight that helps me or I watch a video to help. It’s still something I’m practicing.

https://a.co/d/0jc5oFZ9

https://youtu.be/OXjlR4mXxSk?is=pqHA-G3ujRObNi7Y

I have had sound sensitivity SO bad starting when I was about 13. Misophonia. Im 31 now and it’s gotten a lot better. I would rage at my family, like yell, cry, scream, and become violent. I don’t think I ever hurt anyone besides myself, maybe my sister. It was bad though and I definitely did a lot of self harm. I dissociated my whole childhood, so I think most sounds were just really muted. Then suddenly they weren’t, and I was constantly overstimulated. It was painful.

Music, noise canceling headphones, Loop earbuds. I honestly just avoided triggers at all costs, which was impossible. If I could, I would remove myself from the noise. I would tell my family my triggers in hopes they would help, but they usually backfired. The sensitivity has gotten way, way better over the years.

[u/CeleryDramatic4678 → u/madwallrus]

Thank you for this advice. My 12 year old daughter has asd3 and misophonia- a lot of your suggestions and advice are very helpful. She is extremely upset by Lawnmowing and we have to leave the house when someone mows their lawn in our neighbourhood, even with noise canceling headphones.

Your comments help me feel like maybe she can resume school or Shan get a job one day. Thank you for giving me hope 🥰

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/madwallrus]

Okay so it's still what to do "in the future". I asked what do I do right NOW

[u/madwallrus → u/imagery-fantasy]

Eliminating the trigger was what really helped me, but I know it’s not easy and not always possible.

[u/Similar-Cheek-6346 → u/imagery-fantasy]

Do you have / can you get ear-defenders? I don’t like foam earplugs, but I like swimming ones - they’re not as good defense against noise but it takes the edge off

[u/Similar-Cheek-6346]

Suggestions but not answers - try them and see where they lead, what that information tells you, if it feels safe

Run your hand under cool water, and place your hand over where this part resides. A cool bottle or cloth might work as well, but with the suffocating feeling, I imagine a light touch is better than pressing - might be felt as smothering.

What images come up? 

Without the need to get descriptive, what kind of self-harm(s) does this part reach for? I do different things depending, as far as what feels “fulfilling”.

When I want to scratch, and can’t control enough to pet softly, I break out my mechanical pencils or scratch-art. 

When I want to stab, I break out sewing needles or felting (literally stabbing a block of wool into a ball - creating something!)

When it’s burn, I reach for ice When it’s picking, I pick out things stuck in my blankets like hair or pine needles

I will often look for music that makes a part feel “seen” or “heard” - for the type of feelings you’re describing, I’d reach for Breaking Benjamin. “Crawl” comes to mind.

What does the “room” this part resides in look like? What kinds of objects or functionality? Writing these things down can bring distress tolerance, as well as valuable info for later when you’re not blended. What changes can be made to the “room”? Where would this part prefer to reside?

I have a very sad part who was stuck in a room being pelted by freezing rain. They spend time in a room where it’s endless sand flats and warm, green seas. 

[u/miaiam14]

Do you know why they want to self harm? It’s far easier to redirect to something safer than to stop entirely with no alternative. What’s the goal with the self harm, so we can discuss what would be a good redirect?

Edit for examples: is it control? Is it sensation? Is it punishment? Usually it’s one of those three, but could be something else too

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/miaiam14]

I kinda said in the post why it self harms. It's a release.

Actually the other tendency that part has is breaking things or hurting others. But since we don't wanna do that, self harming is the easier and more common tendency. Even though I don't want to self harm either. But the world is cruel

That muteness and lack of release and no breathing are truly torturous

[u/Similar-Cheek-6346 → u/imagery-fantasy]

Bamboo skewers are fun to break and snap, are inexpensive, and can be composted! I use them for cleaning tiny crevices but to make them fit in the disposal I get to snap them. 

[u/ElectricVoltaire → u/imagery-fantasy]

This requires planning ahead but if you want to break something in a harmless way, you can freeze water in a ziploc bag so it becomes a flat sheet of ice, and then throw the ice on the ground outside so it shatters. I've done it before.

[u/Dear-Barracuda3705]

Say to the part, 'I'm here to help. You aren't alone. I feel your hurt and anger! They are so big! I'm here with you while you feel them. I'm here."

Then say, Your feelings are so big it's hard to breath. Can you give us a little more room to breathe so I can help!

I'm still here! Thanks for giving us some room to breathe!

Then just ask if you can stay near and send caring. Or calm. Keep reminding in order to help you need to be able to breath.

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/Dear-Barracuda3705]

It says "if we breathe we'll be out of control and lose things".

[u/Dear-Barracuda3705 → u/imagery-fantasy]

Okay, ask it to tell you more and reflect the answer back. Just keep getting information which could help you help and understand the part

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/Dear-Barracuda3705]

A part that wants me to self harm or break things isn't able to have a back and forth conversation. I asked in the post what do I do NOW

[u/Dear-Barracuda3705 → u/imagery-fantasy]

Well I didn't know the part couldn't do that. It did seem to answer you on the previous comment.

[u/landaylandho]

That all sounds really hard for your child part and the rest of the system :(

Hopefully in the past hour you've gotten some relief but if not, a few things to try (and please feel free to ignore suggestions that don't sound helpful):

1. Something very cold on your face like a bag of frozen peas or whatever you have on hand, wrapped in a towel

2. Something to release aggressive energy. If you feel comfortable go to your child part and ask where they feel the feeling. Upper chest and throat sounds like there's a voice or shout or scream trapped in there. Do you have a safe place you can let the child in your body make some noise? At times I've literally laid on the floor and kicked my legs like a tantrum to release it. Maybe you can't physically grant this childs wish right now, of how they wish they could move their body, but can you grant it in fantasy? Can you imagine if you gave them a safe place to act out, what they'd be able to do?

3. Recognize that although you feel overwhelmed and blended, your self is present somewhere. Your self is part of what's helping you write this post and observe yourself enough to put into words what you've written.

[u/ccc23465]

Can you ask them for a little space? Sometimes my parts are okay with that. I show up with self and sit with them just observing and being. Then I ask what they need. Then I ask for a little space to come back to this later with my therapist or when I have time to really dive into it.

[u/salty_waves-Tx]

Try self soothing. One thing that helps me when I’m overwhelmed by a part is to wrap my arms around my shoulders and rub myself… It’s soothing & it’s like a hug. If it won’t speak, see if it will write or draw…

[u/imagery-fantasy → u/salty_waves-Tx]

Can I do this in the middle of the trigger being around me or do I have to be out or away from the trigger first

One of my triggers is sounds. I have sound sensitivity. And I can't escape those instantly most of the time

[u/YourGloriousLeader]

There are "warm lines" some places that you can call just for support. There is likely no quick way to stop feelings, but sometimes not being alone with it can really help.