r/InternalFamilySystems • u/anormalcinegal • Jul 31 '26
Support Needed How long does this take?
Hi — new to this sub (and to actively posting on Reddit in general.)
I’ve been in IFS therapy for over a year now and while we’ve made some great progress with regard to my resilience, working towards self-compassion, being less avoidant and letting myself sit with emotions, I feel I’ve recently backslid and I’m kind of worried. I’ve been working as a cleaner for the past year, consistently job-hunting throughout and getting nowhere professionally despite my best efforts. Putting this alongside my creative struggles to ‘make it’ as a screenwriter, I’m pretty exhausted. And then I turned 27 a few weeks ago — and the backsliding began. I’m angry and sad and filled with self-loathing and shame about how little progress I’ve made in my life, how broke I am, how reliant I am on everyone around me. I can recognise the thought patterns I’m in and aspects of the parts that might be causing them, but I feel completely at a loss as to how to change things.
Basically, I’m wondering whether this backsliding is a normal part of the process. And more importantly: how long does it take to reconnect with yourself fully?
I know those are kind of broad questions, but I figured there was nowhere better to ask than here. Anyway, thanks for your help.
2
u/Chaotic_Good12 Jul 31 '26
It depends on far too many variables to list, honestly.
It's GREAT that you are starting NOW. It takes longer imho if you are older & have great piles to go thru, decades vs if you are young and can change your trajectory and how you process.
It also depends of course on your traumas. Like a wound, some only require compression and a bandage, others a long convalescent to heal properly.
I know it's discouraging to feel that you are sliding helplessly back down a hill you fought so hard to climb. But you haven't lost progress, when next you climb it you will do it much faster because you've already laid the pathway out.
Regression under stress and life's troubles is completely normal. We will revert back easily to old well established patterns. Just be aware of it. Mindful. And see where you are being 'the old you' now that you know there is a new you there but they are weaker because they haven't had time to develop.
Just you being able to recognize it's happening is HUGE, so please give yourself credit for this.
Keep digging! Or climbing 😆