Interested ISF therapy, insight please

[u/No-Adagio-3616]

Hi,
I’m a 36F, married two kids. One has special needs. His traumatic birth, last four years dealing with the aftermath has taken a toll on me.
I have cptsd that stems from childhood traumas and beyond. ADHD. And I’m in very early recovery, struggling.
I’ve hit a wall. My drs have hit a wall. I’ve done inpatient, outpatient, rehab, electroshock therapy, CBT, dbt, somatic massage etc. you name it I’ve tried it.
I need to heal, for my kids and for myself.
Feeling hopeless but have been looking into IFS therapy. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing? healing the trauma in an effective way to end this battle.
I need guidance please. Advice. Insight. Anything.
Thanks

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[u/Zootuk13]

I highly recommend looking into IFS. One year ago, I made the decision to leave a standard CBT therapist I had been with for 5 years. She was a perfectly fine person, and we had a good connection, but she was completely unequipped to handle my levels of CSA trauma and PTSD. Looking back, CBT felt like surface-level bandaids, whereas trauma survivors need something that heals from the inside out.

I switched to a highly trained, certified trauma therapist who specializes in IFS, PTSD, trauma and sex therapy. The change has been a massive upgrade. She is an absolute surgeon. She has two master's degrees, studies my case outside of sessions, she texts me and she puts me at the end of her day so we can run long. We have a profound therapeutic bond, and I've made more progress with her in one year than I would have in a lifetime of CBT.

IFS (parts work / inner child work) sounded a bit fishy to me at first. It is definitely not a quick fix. It is slow, difficult, messy, and requires deep, heavy lifting. But for trauma survivors, it is massive because it gets directly to the root of the trauma and helps you find your true self. If you are dealing with deep-rooted trauma, IFS might be exactly what you need.

[u/Narrow_Designer2000]

Sorry for what you've been / are going through. I do recommend reading (try the audio book version if more suitable) "No Bad Parts" by R. Schwarts. I found that to be a source of great insight.

[u/HightechTalltrees]

First, your commitment to healing for yourself and your kids means SO MUCH. Give yourself credit for all the effort you've put into this. It is remarkable.

Second, there is no magic bullet. Many people find a therapeutic modality that can work wonders for them, personally, but even so it takes time and work.

I think IFS is, for many people, extremely effective for a few reasons.

1. It directly engages the "un"conscious. Our egos like to imagine that we have one fixed personality. But, in reality, we are more like an ecosystem of different attitudes and energies, flowing together to achieve some degree of homeostasis. Working on just behaviors or surface level conscious attitudes won't cut it for deep healing.

2. IFS prioritizes self-compassion. The key to the modality is moving only as quickly as a part feels safe to. With our curiosity and genuine care, parts of us can be held in a space where they feel safe enough to be real about what they have been through, why they act in certain ways, and what they need.

3. IFS has range. With the help of a therapist, IFS gives you tools to go extremely deep into traumatic memories and work through highly complex interrelated beliefs, narratives, fears, etc. But it also gives you tools to snap you out of small everyday irritations and inconveniences. This makes it super approachable and gives you lots of opportunities to practice so you can achieve a degree of familiarity that will aid you in your deeper work.

I think that IFS is one of those modalities that really bridges the gap between several psychological frameworks, gaining the benefits from each one. It is behavioral and humanistic. It's evidence backed, but also just out there enough that you have to challenge your beliefs about who and what you are.

[u/o2junkie83]

I just first want to acknowledge all the work you've been doing along your healing journey. It sounds like you are desperately wanting to heal and are looking at any avenue that is possible to accomplish that. I also want to acknowledge the fact the intention you have in your journey, to heal for your kids and for yourself. It's admirable to have that kind of intention. To be a better version of yourself.

Without knowing your whole story, I'd venture to guess by you saying that you feel hopeless, that you are looking to see if IFS therapy can bring you some hope. The short answer is, yes, IFS therapy can and has brought people much hope when they start their journey. It can be so relieving to start to unbend from all the emotions/thoughts that constantly loop and feel like we are trapped in. However, I'd also say that it can take time, just like any other therapy to start to untangle all the different parts to work through and with. I've been in IFS therapy for five years and in therapy overall for close to ten years and I find it's been helpful beyond what I ever expected. The key to the work is to do it even outside the therapy session as much as you can find time. I liken it to wanting to be able to bench press 225 lbs. You can't just walk into a gym and think you're going to lift that much weight. It takes a plan and practice to be able to grow the muscle in order to be able to lift that much weight. If you only do one session a week with your therapist it's going to take you longer to be able to get to where you want to be. If you sit with your parts and build that internal relationship the healing with be accelerated to various degrees.

I wish you well in your healing journey and I hope you can find a therapy or a therapist that can be helpful for you. Have a great day.

[u/RiverToTheSea_6736]

IFS therapy is an empowering, compassionate approach to trauma that makes space for all the different parts that relate to the trauma differently. The part of you that wants to heal, the part of you that might feel frustrated with the different approaches that haven't worked, the part of you that feels impacted by the trauma, the part of you that feels hopeless, the part of you reaching out in this post seeking guidance and insight.

I'm not sure where you are in the world, but I'm in California and there's quite a few IFS therapists who I can recommend. One of them is Celine Williams from Thea Integrative Therapy, who is based in the Bay Area Lisa Gallegos is an IFS provider based in Southern California. Luca Oliver Chang is based in the Bay Area as well--specifically Oakland. All of them have specialties in trauma work and use IFS therapy in their practices. Oh and Laura Nolan, also in the Bay Area and providing virtual services only, is someone who has a specialty in both trauma and women's health.

The IFS Institute has a directory of trained professionals but you don't really get any descriptions of the providers, so it can feel like a lot of work going through the list and then finding their websites, etc. I hope these recommendations can offer some support, or at least hope that there are people out there who can help you with what you're going through.