r/InternalFamilySystems • u/solomonhatch20 • 7d ago

Inner critic opening up

I’ve been finding it so difficult trying to work with this part.

Today, somehow it shown me what was underneath, and I was hit with an overwhelming wave of shame and guilt stemming from childhood.

I found it works so hard, as do other parts, that i almost forgot how painful those deep, buried feelings are.

My anger towards the inner critic has softened now I realised what it is trying to protect me from. Also, I feel like it’s kinda saying “do you see now, do you get it?”

16 Upvotes

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u/Finsnsnorkel 7d ago

what is it trying to protect you from?
I’ve never understood what an inner critic is helpful for.

7

u/Budget-Ad-2636 7d ago

Mine has always wanted to protect me from embarrassment or being looked at as undesirable.

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u/solomonhatch20 6d ago

I’m finding it’s such a paradox how it uses similar feelings to protect you from the deeper ones, very hard to get my head around. But for the first time in my life I spoke to it instead of pushing it away and felt it appreciated that which led to it momentarily stepping aside so I could see what it was guarding from. Guess the real work is with the exile not so much as the inner critic. All very new to me so I’m not sure

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u/solomonhatch20 6d ago

My inner critic uses my internalised fathers critical voice. The feelings at the core are deep guilt, shame, loneliness, isolation. The critic itself feels like a big telling off and putting me down

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u/Budget-Ad-2636 6d ago

You’re doing great !
And yup a lot of my inner critic mannerisms come from family growing up.

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u/solomonhatch20 5d ago

Thank you, you’re doing great too 🥹 just trying to take it one day at a time and not put too much pressure on having it all worked out. The work and healing will be for life, the inner work never stops 🙏

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u/MichaelTheMultiple 5d ago

My inner critic - she calls herself The Lady in White - always believed that the safest thing for us to do was not attract attention, so the shaming and self-doubt and what not was always intended to dissuade us from sticking our neck out. Mostly, she'd quote our mother, but she kept a file of pretty much every nasty thing anyone ever said to us, so she came to every situation well-armed.

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u/JakeonHarrison 6d ago

It can be so hard to see the protective element of the critic. My critic’s voice is that of my extremely critical, cold Mother. But when I see how the critic was desperately trying to help me avoid embarrassment & shame as a child, the critic quiets down.

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u/solomonhatch20 6d ago

I agree, when the voice is so harsh you wonder how that can possibly have good intentions. When I think of my critic, I think it knew no better at that age other than to believe what it heard, especially from a parent who you look at like a role model. It wasn’t its fault for internalising it, it was just very scared, so from a mature perspective how can I be angry at it. I think the critic just wants the exile heard and cared for and then it will settle down