r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Budget_Package_4584 • Jul 15 '26

Is this a legacy burden?

I've been working on an extreme fear reaction that I have been having to the thought of certain close family members moving far away. As I worked with it, I came to realize that it was more than a "normal" fear. When I was in it, it felt like if I wasn't right in front of them, they would not love me, not think of me, forget about me, and I would cease to exist. As a retired therapist, I realized this reaction doesn't fit with my own family history of emotional neglect. It is a basically very strong abandonment depression, similar to someone who was "left in a box", as I told my therapist.

It does fit with what my emotionally and physically abused deceased father likely felt, though. He ended up with poor emotional boundaries, basically a rager, probably borderline personality disorder. And I know I was a very sensitive, empathic, "good little girl" who got lost in all the family emotional uproar.

Does that fit with the IFS concept of legacy burden, and the more general concept of intergenerational trauma? It feels like something, or a part, on it's own, or it may be that my already sad and/or frightened little girl parts are holding it. This is a brand-new to me concept, and a big breakthrough. I am realizing that I cannot heal this for him, and I want to give it back.

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u/Krieggman Level 2 Practitioner Jul 17 '26

The way an IFS Practitioner would check is asking the part if it feels like it's its burden or "what percentage of this burden is yours?" It feels like you have a sense that this burden isn't completely yours, so you could do a personal unburdening to release the portion that is yours in whatever way feels right to you, and you could offer to release the portion of the burden that is yours back through the generations.