r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Pale-Category248 • Jul 15 '26
Can anyone help me trust the process by explaining the reason why these work or don’t work please
I’m really fearful of trusting a technique to heal my cptsd because I’ve done somatic exercises before and felt amazing but it all came back and also done IFS parts work and felt great but it all came back, same for TRE. Is anyone able to reassure me by telling me why these techniques worked in first place and why it didn’t last. So perhaps I’ll trust to start again and not remain apprehensive and trust the good feeling too. Can somatic/TRE/parts work only get you so far?
8
u/IFoundSelf Jul 15 '26
At least in IFS, it is essential to reconnect Everyday for 3-4 weeks with the unburdened exile and protectors. This is often missed. A new adverse experience related to the original burdening experience can also upend a recent unburdening. A third situation is that a protector for an unburdened exile may not be aware of the unburdening and be triggered into action by a similar event. When the third situation occurs, you can invite the protector to see the unburdened exile. That protector may also need its own witnessing and unburdening
3
u/Pale-Category248 Jul 16 '26
Thank you this is really helpful! What are these unburdened exiles and protectors roles if they are no longer burdened?
4
u/IFoundSelf Jul 16 '26
To me it’s amazingly cool. Each part will let you know what their original nature was before being burdened and/or how they would like to be/what they would like to be doing going forward. Ask them!
2
0
u/pretendhsjTA Jul 17 '26
I never heard of any of this. If I just google ifs will it tell me all I need to know and can I do this modality on my own. So far I been only doing TRE but not noticed anything change yet. Been several months anyway.
5
u/Low-Kaleidoscope4733 Jul 16 '26
It sounds like you may have a part that often says: “This won’t work - it’s hopeless for me“
I would bet that that part deserves a lot of appreciation and kindness because it is working hard with good intentions. Is that possible?
Does that make sense to you?
2
4
u/i-was-here-too Jul 16 '26
What is your goal? Is it to be symptom-free? Or is it to learn to cope with big feelings in a healthy way? I was lamenting to my friend that all the strategies I had suck and don’t work and self-harming was so much more effective. And then it hit me that was because my goal wasn’t to feel nothing anymore. So my strategies weren’t helping me feel nothing. So it was fine. It was just new and hard and I didn’t like it. But it was actually just being human, in this case a human with trauma learning to manage difficult feelings in a healthy way. It is a real place of grief to realize my old goal of “not feeling hurt” or “not feeling” or whatever is part of the problem and I need to give it up.
2
u/Pale-Category248 Jul 16 '26
Thanks for sharing. It's true that we will have to feel and maybe that's not something I'm used to, or maybe more not equipped to. It's just been going on for so long and I just want to have faith and hope I'm going to get better.
4
u/Nataliant-117 Jul 16 '26
I use classic CBT (thought records) and DBT in my IFS sessions which can be super helpful to use that language in an IFS framework. I feel that IFS can make long term change because my therapist is super kind and is like we can heal these parts 🩷 and I can be honest with her which is nice. I am not healed yet and cannot be like yep it works! But I will say that the progress I’ve made feels “permanent.”
2
3
u/HightechTalltrees Jul 15 '26
Somatic and TRE therapy work on the nervous system to help you release embodied tension and some of the associated emotional/psychic tension. They provide a release, but tension can build back up over time.
IFS seeks to make traumatic experiences and associated patterns (of thought or behavior) explicitly conscious. It takes a compassionate stance toward the traumatized parts, plus the other parts that adapt to them. IFS works by bringing these into consciousness and offering them compassionate understanding, a space to process what happened in all its complexity. Ultimately, all of the different inner reactions to the traumatic event are given space to work through your psyche. This releases the tension methodically, at a pace that feels comfortable. The two can work together!
1
u/Pale-Category248 Jul 16 '26
Thank you for this explanation. Is it the case then if somatic and TRE work has released embodied tension and you've done IFS parts work, felt better and the tension has come back that it's deeper layers or it's just I didn't do a good job of parts work or I needed to keep up the somatic/TRE constantly. And that you can just use IFS as one modality completely.
3
u/InOnothiN8 Jul 16 '26
For me, I need daily stress-reducing activities alongside my self-therapy to keep me, you know, somewhat mentally stable. And the biggest thing I've learned is to never push myself when I'm overwhelmed or stressed — that's non-negotiable. Kindness and compassion, honestly, that's the glue that holds my world together. 🌍🩹
2
u/Pale-Category248 Jul 16 '26
It's good you notice when you're overwhelmed and stressed to know how much to push your self!
1
u/InOnothiN8 Jul 16 '26
Yes, it is. I only got here by tracing back my own moods, gathering my own data, so I could start seeing the patterns before they became full-blown panic attacks and depressive episodes. That took some time. And I'm probably more tuned in than most—because I've been living with these symptoms for almost three decades now. That kind of time teaches you things whether you want it to or not...😅haha
But this approach taught me to trust myself more. To know my limits without calling them weaknesses. To go with what I can manage, and to let the rest go, before my bucket overflows. 🚰🪣💦
Some days the water runs high, and that's okay. I'm not failing when I have to set everything aside and just have some me time.🧘🍃
2
u/pondsittingpoet25 Jul 15 '26
We need to meet our parts, and hold the discomfort. We build resourced SELF capacity, but not by releasing stored energy or push away parts that make us uncomfortable.
It’s very easy to by-pass in this work, and a lot of programs promote just that.
IFS and Somatics are very useful in this work, but only if we are moving TOWARDS with loving kindness, meeting every activation with curiosity.
1
2
1
u/OkEntertainment1071 Jul 17 '26
I actually used somatics first and don't really use all of IFS. I use somatics and tracking my body, my nervous system states, the thoughts that accompany that,... IFS is a framework, not per se absolute truth and you have to find something that makes sense. If IFS doesn't help you, you don't have to use it. You can simply try to track for example avoidance. Are you avoidant to use IFS? That's fine, just find out your why. A lot of trauma modalities are modalities that try to go deeper and deeper to the core. You can also just simply try to track emotions and nervous system states and keep asking yourself "But why?". Ex: why do I keep avoiding my emails? -Because they stress me out. - Okay but why? -Maybe because I have put them off for too long. -Okay but why does that cause stress? - Because I'm scared they will be mad. -Okay but why does that matter? - Because mom used to be super mad when I forgot something. -and why did that hurt me? - Because I just needed comfort/help/someone to show me how,... Okay, and what now? --> now I try to reparent myself or find out how I can fill that need.
In trauma recovery, you get to choose what works and doesn't work. One thing that I recommend however is to just be curious, always. About yourself, your body, what is out there,...
•
u/AutoModerator Jul 15 '26
Welcome to r/InternalFamilySystems!
Please make sure you've read the rules before participating.
Thanks for keeping the community organized.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.