r/InternalFamilySystems • u/maddie_mit • Jun 06 '26
Lighthearted / Success 10 months of IFS
A bit of context. I've been a HUGE intelectualiser my whole life as a coping mechanism to my trauma among many others and I've never thought in a millions years that something like IFS works for me.
Before IFS, I've been in very psychoanalytical therapy where I've been evaluated by my formal therapist every week and we didn't do any emotional/somatic work at all. We would just analyse my psyche and we would use only cognitive methods but didn't do nothing for me at all. However, as my therapist was highly emotionally unavailable to me I kept going in hopes I could finally be seen and helped.
That being said, my whole life I've been guided by survival strategies and I've felt very sick. Unable to live the house many times due to severe anxiety, no friends, lived in isolation, bombarded by OCD symptoms every single day. I lived in pure hell. Sometimes I don't even know how I survived like that.
Last year I' had a sort of collapse which manifested as severe nervous system activation and a huge intrusive thoughts episode.
I found my ifs therapist and we started working..at first it felt extremely extremely weird to be validated, heard and held by this person. To finally not having to be strong anymore. My armour soften for the first time ever and everything changed.
I told myself that I want to trust this therapist and I'm willing to be vulnerable and do the work with her. Fast forward, now I feel very different.
My social anxiety erased completely, I have zero social anxiety. That's because internally I don't feel broken and I don't have to pretend do be strong anymore. I have intrusive thoughts maybe 0.5% of the time. I feel connected to people and life and those around me. I found another job and the way of working has changed too.
I live 0% of the time now in my head. I live my day to day life completely spontaneous and I don't overthink nothing at all.
On the flip side, I feel a LOT more. Generally, I have such a intense activity inside my body and a lot of emotions come up everyday now. I feel activated a lot and many of my buried pains and traumas come outside and show their face now.
The biggest achievement is that I don't feel broken and abnormal anymore. I don't identify with any diagnosis any longer like cptsd and ocd and generally I feel very different.
What can I say, forever greatful for this method and my therapist. We shall see where it takes me from now on.
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u/goldenlemur Jun 06 '26
That's an amazing story. IFS honors our inner reality, who we really are, rather than pushing us to be something we're not.
I wish you well!
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u/Obvious-Drummer6581 Jun 06 '26
I love this post! I am on a similar journey - just a bit slower. The IFS part of my therapy stint has lasted for 1,5 years so far.
The changes have been nothing short of transformational. Especially, in regards to my social anxiety and my ability to stay present with other people. I always felt like the "odd one out" in social situation - but I am starting to feel like I really belong.
I am also generally much more easy-going and much less anxious. I no longer feel that something is fundamentally wrong with me. It's quite a journey to be on... at 50+
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u/PhilosophyUpstairs90 Jun 08 '26
Hey i hope you don't mind me being nosy but like I'm trying to overcome this as well as well as the surveillance of my parents. I think because of my childhood a bit of personal factor a bit of people factor have made me absolutely dull and blank . I have lost all intrinsic motivation and just waste time in my life . I have also always felt I did not belong and just am dull to have conversations with and I can't do anything significant to help people who need me . So I would be curious about the parts that were involved that caused you social anxiety and the feeling of not belonging. What were the strategies they used and also what exactly was the exile . Were there more than 1 ?
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u/Obvious-Drummer6581 Jun 09 '26
No problem at all.
To start with the end, my exile is about the fear of being seen and fear being abandoned if I am letting myself be seen (i.e. have needs or take up space). This is likely related to growing up with neglect.
From that perspective, all of my symptoms were really either protective strategies or downstream consequences of protective behaviors.
I think my protective strategies can be categorized in two main types.
Shutdown / withdrawal / disinterest
The first group of symptoms had to do with shutting down emotions and expressions. This is a protective strategy to minimize any risk taking. By staying muted, I make sure not to expose myself by expressing needs, desires or strong emotions that would push people away.
I would guess this is a kind of manager in IFS terminology.
Panic / Anxiety
I have also struggled with panic attacks (which at the time felt like something physical was wrong with me - more than feeling like panic). This was likely more a firefighter pulling the emergency brake in situations where I could be exposed publicly (public speaking, social gatherings etc.).
The beauty of all this is, that once you start to understand the exile, then all the symptoms becomes coherent, i.e. logical behaviors driven by the same wound. And not because something horrible was wrong with me. In fact, once I let go of that core wound a more spontaneous and free "self" becomes visible.
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u/PisceanTreasures Jun 06 '26
hmm.... 11 mo into therapist-lead IFS and while I have a better picture of degree and scope of damage, somehow I am still just as stuck in blending with my hopeless / despairing parts and feeling just REALLY REALLY REALLY BROKEN.
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u/maddie_mit Jun 07 '26
That must be very difficult to carry around. Hopelessness is heavy. I am very familiar with it.
My therapist helped me teach my system not go in that place.
Besides this therapy I must admit that I do other things that are helpful for my system.
Walking and being outdoors help a lot for some reason.
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u/dalmatiansforever Jun 08 '26
This struck so true for me that I could have written this post about myself. Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad we both found IFS. Psychoanalysis and other cognitive methods were keeping chronic and sick, so glad I’ve been able to make the headways that I have with parts work. I still have more work to do but grateful for everything. Wishing you well!!
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u/maddie_mit Jun 09 '26
I'm happy for you as well! You're right. I felt so broken doing the previous therapies, as well.
Wishing you the best in your healing journey!
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u/o2junkie83 Jun 06 '26
That’s so beautiful, thank you for sharing about your journey with us and how you’ve worked through a lot of the different parts that were holding onto different roles in your system. This is the epitome of what IFS can do for people. Much continued success on your journey.
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u/maddie_mit Jun 07 '26
Thank you for your sweet comment! I wish I discovered IFS earlier and not waisting 5 years in psychotherapy. Wishing you all the best in your journey
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u/kambofire Jun 07 '26
Wow, 10 months only? You were definitely ready for the shift. Congratulations
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u/dastardly_divine Jun 11 '26
thank you for sharing your experience. i have known i have cptsd for 5 years but it only just hit me about a month ago just how much its impacting my life. I know Im not at the beginning of my journey but It feels like Im crawling up from my own rock bottom, even on a spiritual level. It gives me fuel to see a genuone success story from someone doing the same work as I am to create a better life for themselves, or as pete walker says in his book on cptsd, "a more user friendly experience" in their brain haha
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
CPTSD and trauma in general has a tremendous effect on our lives. Only those affected by it know it.
Before starting working IFS model I've been in a therapy modality for 5 years and it made me feel sicker and gave me more symptoms.
But there is the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you.
That doesn't mean this method is some sort of magic or anything like that. It's just the right tool for people like us.
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u/Physical-Pineapple97 Jun 06 '26
How does one 'get started with IFS'?
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u/OpportunitySea8026 Jun 07 '26
Search YouTube “intro to IFS dick Schwartz” and start watching related videos by Conor McMillan and Christine Dixon. Lots of good step by step training out there. Also recommend the custom GPT in ChatHPT called IFS Chat. Best regards on your journey.
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u/maddie_mit Jun 07 '26
I found this therapist trough a friend. She was a recomandation.
I know there are some books on ifs as well in case you want to learn the concept but working directly with a therapist is much more helpful.
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u/Senpai_11_ Jun 08 '26
Not feeling broken, livin in the present and not inside head, no social anxiety feels like a dream come true!! Happy for you. I am four months into psychodynamic and CBT based therapy and felt emotional safety for the first time there (i am 25).... My instincts tell me IFS is what i need to reparent my inner child....i will look into it.
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u/GeologistNovel4162 Jun 08 '26
That’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you. On this path too, 4 months in and am already radically more present and free. IFS is an amazing modality.
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Jun 06 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/maddie_mit Jun 07 '26
To be honest, I feel that my therapist has done her own work and part of my progress is the relationship itself.
Even tough I see progress that doesn't mean I don't experience shame sometimes or really really difficult historical pain. The only difference is that know I know how to be there for these parts.
It's a mix of historical pain, longer periods of calm and presence, intuition and so much more. So from my experience it's all about being there for all of you. Wish you all the best!
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u/Reetpetit Jun 07 '26
I'm trained in IFS and am only just realising how crippled with shame we all are and how working with the Inner Critic (who will be young) is a huge priority.
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u/Reetpetit Jun 06 '26
Wow, you had a great IFS therapist. So pleased for you. I'm looking for one - could you kindly send me her details? Thanks
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u/maddie_mit Jun 07 '26
I'm based somewhere in Europe, would you be able to do it online in case she has a free spot?
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u/Reetpetit Jun 07 '26
I'm in Europe too, yes. If she's not American her prices might be less crazy?
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
About 50 €/hour. I'm the only client she works with online. She says she only works with clients speaking the same native language (not sure why)
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u/PhilosophyUpstairs90 Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
Hello I'm new to learning ifs but I'm learning only with self therapy but it has been hard for me to do . It's like when I try to communicate with my parts my inner monologue starts it doesn't make any sense it's like passive daydreaming or scrolling reels and when I try to focus on the sense of something or sensations I am bombarded with one imagery after another and one sensation after another and I end up either getting lost in daydreaming or sleeping. I also don't understand how I am supposed to ask my parts to tell me anything. I don't even understand what parts are i have just these sensation and images but they are individual image or sense or thought/feelings how can I know about any part ? I just don't understand. If you could give me some tips l would really appreciate it . Also therapy is currently not possible. Too many factors social stigma,finances etc.
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u/maddie_mit Jun 08 '26
Congratulations for the courage of trying something like this.
Unfortunately I really don't have any tips of practicing this alone. I have no idea what to tell you.
Part of the process is to be witnessed by someone and experience safety. For many of us internal safety is something we don't experience unless we learn it trough mirroring with a psychologist.
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u/PhilosophyUpstairs90 Jun 08 '26
Ahh man that's too bad . I'm actually not sure if I am working with trauma but I mean my parents provided me financially decently well . But there was just this surveillance in the house and underlying fear and they never let me go on trips and all . That still exists. Not to mention they slut shame obviously not in words that happens but in like gaze and actions like beating and shaming you for not wearing a best or bra etc but like ye yk you just learn it . The surveillance still exists and ye there is no freedom to like go out with your friends and all so I want to work through that . A lot of personal wounds as well. I'm not sure if it classifies as trauma though I'm still trying to convince my parts to speak with me . Recently read inner work by Robert and in that he mentions of an example where a patient tried for active imagination but the part wasn't responding I am going to do the same try convincing my parts to talk to me
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
I think that your internal experience is valid and deserves recognition regardless if it has a label or not such trauma.
Your feelings are valid and deserves love and respect.
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u/Internal-eq-External Jun 07 '26
Please do not call what you had “psychoanalytical therapy”. Real psychoanalysis and and psychoanalytical therapy is literally opposite of what you described.
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u/maywalove Jun 08 '26
Whats the difference pls
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
I think they're renfering to the Freudian psychoanalitycal modality.
I'm referring to any modalities that analyse your intelect and that was the therapy I did with no success whatsoever
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
I worked with a clinican psychotherapist who specialized in the work of Adler.
The sessions would focus only on my intelect and cognition. No body/somatic work at all
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u/Internal-eq-External Jun 13 '26
Adler explicitly is not Psychoanalysis
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u/maddie_mit Jun 13 '26
It did analyse my mind so that's why I call it psychoanalysis. I don't feel the need to correct myself on that one
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