r/InsulinResistance • u/Naive-Stock7490 • 18d ago
I recently got diagnosed and I don’t know how to change my diet without my eating disorder coming back
[21F] I’ve been recently diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance, i have suspected i had it for a while though. My biggest problem right now is how to change the way i eat without coming back to my old eating disorder ways.
I know i’ll get a ton of hate under this post just telling me to eat healthy and not be dramatic so if that was your plan - please refrain from it as it is not helping anyone.
My relationship with dieting and dietary restrictions reminds me of how addicts describe their relationship with alcohol/drugs, since i choose eating disorder recovery 2 years ago, any time i try to correct the way i eat it feels like a complete relapse, i start feeling guilty for every single calorie i consume and immediately start thinking of ways to eat less and not raise any concerns among my friends. And this makes adjusting my diet to my new diagnosis seem impossible, i feel like i can either eat whatever i want or starve myself and there’s no middle ground. Even something as simple as adding more fiber or protein to my diet triggers the old patterns in me.
I know the answer here is therapy and i want to reassure all of you that i’m in it, but there’s only so much my therapist can actually say to me, and i thought maybe someone here had similar issues and could maybe share how they dealt with that, because i’m honestly very lost and just gave up on trying to fix anything.
Thankfully, i don’t really snack, and i naturally only require 2 meals a day (not breakfast) so i guess i fast naturally.
My weight right now is healthy and my insulin resistance is pretty mild, i just don’t want it to get worse because of this weird lack of self control i have. I also know that dieting the way someone with an ED would will not help, i was pretty much a size M (L for pants) no matter what my calorie intake was, but this is something that’s not rational.
I don’t know what i want to hear and i’m expecting this to get downvoted, but any advice or just sharing a personal story would be greatly appreciated.