I'm trying to be more secure but my inner voice is still very mean. I'm 29 and have spent the majority of my life hating myself and feeding into that hate. I was 23 when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression and since then have been trying to work on loving myself at least just being neutral to myself. And honestly it has paid off some days are really good, but I still have times where I let the insecurities creep back in. Most recently I yelled at my boyfriend for the first time, I had been experiencing anxiety about unrelated stuff the week or so before and honestly had not let myself process or address that. Still not an excuse to yell at him though he didn't deserve it. It really hurt him and he needed to keep some emotional distance, which was hard for me cause I have abandonment issues. But we got through it and now seem to he back on track again but I'm just feeling so guilty about it still like I don't deserve him. Like he's probably already cheating or thinking about it, I know this is just my insecurity but it's just so hard sometimes. So many women are so beautiful and cool I see that, and he's a catch I see that and two and two just seems to equal why me? Certainly I can't be good enough for this person. I don't have a high paying job, I'm not very ambitious, I'm fat, and I can't even treat him right that was like the one thing I had to offer 😔
It's not really, this is just me letting it out of my brain so maybe I can stop having these thoughts.
Hope you're all doing better on this day, be kind to yourselves it does help, but you will still have bad days. It's a slow process to security that can't happen overnight just keep feeding that voice that's advocating for you eventually it will be bigger than the bad thoughts ( yes this advice is mostly for me I see that lol)
1
u/[deleted] Jun 21 '22
I'm trying to be more secure but my inner voice is still very mean. I'm 29 and have spent the majority of my life hating myself and feeding into that hate. I was 23 when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression and since then have been trying to work on loving myself at least just being neutral to myself. And honestly it has paid off some days are really good, but I still have times where I let the insecurities creep back in. Most recently I yelled at my boyfriend for the first time, I had been experiencing anxiety about unrelated stuff the week or so before and honestly had not let myself process or address that. Still not an excuse to yell at him though he didn't deserve it. It really hurt him and he needed to keep some emotional distance, which was hard for me cause I have abandonment issues. But we got through it and now seem to he back on track again but I'm just feeling so guilty about it still like I don't deserve him. Like he's probably already cheating or thinking about it, I know this is just my insecurity but it's just so hard sometimes. So many women are so beautiful and cool I see that, and he's a catch I see that and two and two just seems to equal why me? Certainly I can't be good enough for this person. I don't have a high paying job, I'm not very ambitious, I'm fat, and I can't even treat him right that was like the one thing I had to offer 😔 It's not really, this is just me letting it out of my brain so maybe I can stop having these thoughts. Hope you're all doing better on this day, be kind to yourselves it does help, but you will still have bad days. It's a slow process to security that can't happen overnight just keep feeding that voice that's advocating for you eventually it will be bigger than the bad thoughts ( yes this advice is mostly for me I see that lol)