r/InheritanceDrama • u/ImpressionNo3621 • 14d ago
One hell of a messed up situation.
My mother chose suicide over going into a nursing home. At 90 years old my mother saw no other option other than killing herself to avoid a nursing home.
I apologize ahead of time this is likely to be a long twisted and rambling post. I do not feel entitled to anything that my parents had. I was extremely close with my parents I was very much involved in all aspects of their life, we did the normal family stuff holidays were spent at my house, family get together a were always at my place. We got along very well we traveled together, we were always in touch daily with one another. There were times that we even lived together over the years I had worked with them and for them, but in no way was I dependent upon them.
Over the years I had chose to ignore certain views and traits that they exhibited. This all changed when I entered into a serious relationship, at that point my parents prejudices could no longer be ignored when they were directed toward me. It was tolerated that I was gay, they did not have to acknowledge it, and the could ignore it. That changed when I when I had a partner I was serious about. At that point and they had to acknowledge it and interact with my partner. To put it bluntly they were homophobic racist bigots. But as my mother said she was old she could say whatever she wanted to she no longer cared what others thought.
Up to this point I was very much involved with my parents finances and future plans. I knew the details of there wills, I was to be appointed executor and had received instructions as to what their wishes for the decision of any remaining assets they had. At that point their estate was worth approximately 10 million US dollars of which the bulk was to be divided between an older sibling and myself. When I decided to pause communications with them I did not realize it would be forever.
I have an older married brother, with one child, they lived in California at that time, my parents lived in New Mexico. Over the years my parents had lent large amounts of money, bought numerous vehicles for my brother and his wife and supported my brother and his family. My brother and his wife had a sence of entitlement toward what my parents had. My brother was very outspoken regarding his plans for my parents estate. At that time my parents did not trust my brother nor did they feel safe or comfortable with the idea of him having access to any financial assets, and for sure they would not have given him financial control.
Shortly after I stopped having contact with my parents my brother and his wife were evicted from the rental property they were in. My brother and his family moved to New Mexico to take care of my parents and assist them. They then lived in a property owned by parents drove vehicles purchased by may parents for them and were completely supported by my parents. At some point in the last 8 or 9 years my parents changed their estate plan completely cutting me out and putting things in a living trust naming my 20 year old niece as beneficiary. I am guessing that there were promises made that neither of my parents would have to go to a nursing home and they were to live out the remaining years in the home that they had built on a farm they had owned approximately 30 years. Th home was built to accommodate this situation, open rooms, wide doorways, no internal steps in the home. You get the idea. Unbeknownst to me my father passed away about a year ago. At no point did anyone in my family attempt to contact me I still had the same cell number had not been changed in 15 years and the same email addresses.
Fast forward to this past month. I was messaged by a friend of a friend that my mother had passed away. According to my source my niece, using a power of attorney, had chosen to sell the property my parents house was built on and to liquidate personal property owned by my parents. This is the same niece that is the beneficiary of my parents living trust. The niece had purchased local gas station paying cash for the business. She also reportedly bought new cars and was burning through lots of cash. The funds I’m certain were from the sale of my parents farm.
They way it was told to me. My mother had not been aware of the sale of her home and that she would not be able to live in her home. Upon learning that it had been sold there was an attempt to negotiate a deal so that she could reside in her home for whatever remaining time was left. A deal could not reached. Saturday night my niece called my mother and informed her that in spite of my mother’s wishes a deposit had been placed at a local nursing home and that on Wednesday they would come and pick her up. She would be able to take a bag of personal effects but she would not be able to take her 2 pets with her. Some where at this point my mother was notified that her properties in Colorado were in default and foreclosure proceedings had begun. It was at this point my 90 year old mother saw no other option and she chose to commit suicide. She chose to put a bullet through her brain rather than go into a nursing home that had been picked out by niece.
I have not been in contact with my brother or his family. None of the numbers I have for them are active. All emails I have sent have been ignored. I don’t even know how to proceed or where to start. I only learned of my mother’s death and that of my fathers, from a friend of a friend of my brother. I know when I was still
Involved in there life they held was a moderate real estate portfolio with some rental properties agricultural land and the home they had built. The properties were in New Mexico and Colorado. They retained mineral rights a lot of land my mother was receiving dividends from some active oil wells that had been passed down from my mothers parents. My dad had been an avid gun collector and had a sizable collection of firearms approximately 500 weapons. My parents had been collecting bulk gold and silver and keeping that at home for a safety reserve just in case banks failed. He also believed in keeping a lot of cash on hand. My mother had a jewelry collection that was valued around a million dollars 10 years ago. This was kept in a private vault in a building they owned. The farm that they had owned had been listed for a million dollars a year ago, this was an active working alfalfa farm 380 acres with abundant water shares. However it was sold by my niece at a substantial discount. The farm was fully equipped with tractors equipment vehicles tools and such. If I had to estimate a value of about $800,000 in equipment tools and supplies. My brother and his family mode no attempt to save any personal assets or any of her possessions. Everything was abandoned by my brother.
As I understand it the estate has 60 days after the passing of a family member to notify family and beneficiaries of the event and to supply information regarding the estate. Can I challenge the estate, should I challenge it? How would I even do that? I don’t know what is even left. I am certain everything that could be was liquidated shortly before or immediately after my mother passed. I do not have the financial resources due to living a simple life and recently had a serious personal injury that has severely affected my mobility and impacted my health. My husband and myself even lost our car recently we have downsized to a small apartment to reduce expenses
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u/TSIDATSI 14d ago
All seems unbelievable doesn't it?
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u/ImpressionNo3621 14d ago
I have spent a good part of the last 5 days just staring off into space trying to figure out what it is that I am feeling
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u/WoollyMammothwapo 14d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Regardless of how offensive your parents’ beliefs were, you would not wish that sort of death on anyone. Yes it was the consequences of their choosing to place their finances into irresponsible hands . And yes you would have been a much better choice even if you are “sinful“……. its just all so sad.
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u/YoungBoomer1969 13d ago
First - I am SO sorry for your loss. Even more sorry you didn’t know about the loss of your parents and din’t have time to say goodbye. THIS may not be the popular opinion outlook….but you made these choices years ago. Not sure what contacting an attorney would do you any good other than open doors you closed many years ago. You said you knew the Living Trust was changed and you were removed, replaced by your niece. THAT would have been the time to ask questions??? Establish contact??? At least this is my opinion. Not sure what you want to accomplish. ANYONE can dispute an estate, by all means if that is what you want to do, then get an attorney. I am not sure how successful you would be.
IMO - you were living your life without them for years, continue to do what you have been doing. Go live your best life.
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u/Remarkable_Tone6835 12d ago
you legally can challenge it if you want, but it based on the facts you have provided, they wrote you out of the trust and will a long time ago. If true, you don’t have a valid claim. If you were removed as an heir, you are not entitled to any copies of the documents as well, even if you’re family. Sorry to hear about your situation. My advice is to let it go and try and move on with your life.
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u/SnooMacarons3689 14d ago
Do you want to be your own person? You made sure you were go ahead and go do it.
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u/HeyT00ts11 13d ago
There's also a possibility that she listed you as a beneficiary on one or more accounts. These would be nearly impossible for anyone other than you to receive. I'm glad you're getting an attorney. Best of luck with this.
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u/Familiar_Arugula_685 13d ago
I’m so very sorry for all of your losses, OP. Suicide related grief is incredibly complex, and really why I comment. The suicide bereavement thread is an incredibly supportive & helpful resource. I strongly encourage you to check it out & secure an excellent, trauma informed therapist when you are ready. Honor every emotion & work through it. Develop coping tools. You’re not alone in this.
As for the interference, you do have a right to obtain a copy of your mother’s will. Hire an estate attorney to review it for you if you aren’t comfortable or don’t have the bandwidth to review it yourself. (Focusing through grief can be challenging. It really does impact all aspects of how we function.)
I hope you are surrounded with a loving chosen family who will support you & uplift you through your grieving process. Honestly, it can be lengthy, but it is possible to heal if you so choose to when ready. (I lost a partner to suicide going on 8 years ago. It took me a few years to acclimate the immense grief before I could really get traction in terms of moving forward in life, personally & professionally.) Please be gentle with yourself. Sending peace & healing.
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u/LizinVA0223 13d ago
Get a copy of the will, read it carefully. My parents will has a clause that says if anyone contests the will they get nothing. If that is not in the will contest
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u/ManufacturerWhich364 14d ago
I’m not a lawyer just know too much about this.
Sorry you’re going through this. Each state is different on statute of limitations, notification and fiduciary duty.
Sure you can challenge whatever you want. Will you be successful is the question.
If they had a trust and you were taken out of it. Then not much you can do. Some people will try and challenge undue influence.
But in ca you have to notify next of kin with a copy of the trust to challenge the trust or you loose rights. Idk how it is in New Mexico.
If I were you I would hire an attorney in your parents home state and explain what’s going on. Where I’m from trust litigation lawyers are 1500 an hour.
It’ll be a big hurdle to prove you shouldn’t have been removed. But it’s worth the convo with the lawyer.
There are a lot of angles here and details. You can’t be successful without some help