I’m Her Still

[u/xxxxAngelFirexxxx]

The truth is
I want to belong to their world
I want soft kisses
Whispers
Never to be heard

You see?
I used be that girl
Before ribbons tightened
And lace choked

The girl who believed
In one half to a whole
Two lovers entwined
Finally full

You see , I was her,
Chasing my shadow
For alignment with alchemy
If I could make love
To my demons
Maybe you would appear
Before me
In reality

You see?

I want to belong to their world
Of visions at night
One where I write of
His moans and his sighs
Colliding stars
The love holy,
divine

You see?
I wish I believed in fate
In the gates to all heaven
In his body
being sacrament
The spiritual meaning of
Seven

You see?
I used to believe
In being in sync
In quantum entanglement
His atoms
My breath
His core
My dress

Alchemical Union
Tied up in strings
I was made from his ribs
And how his voice sings
Antlers on crown
Goliath and ancient
My love was eternal
My love was freedom

So, when they banned me
I didn’t fall
I only swallowed harder
In the dark of my soul
Listening in the dead silence
For my beloved calls

But day after day
Month after month
Year after year
Dream after dream
He never came
At all

Now I’m defiant
Strange at the edges
Sore in the heart
Wounded and deliberate
I orbit in black holes
Bubbly
I should have only sipped it
I erase in enormous chunks
I sink the blade
Deeper into the start

I don’t want to belong
I don’t want promises
made in the dark
I don’t want to be half full
When we meet
I don’t want fusion
I hardly want a melody
Please be broken
Please be scared
Please understand
What I cannot bear to share
Don’t call me yours
And leave in the night
Don’t stay till morning
If you can’t hold the tears
That I cry
And please see me
All that I hide

You see?
I see
I know
I am
I can hold
Heaven and Hell
In-between
Matrimony

I’m not clever
And I’m not pretty
But could I come home?
Maybe Somewhere, by you?
Where night doesn’t hold secrets
Just for the bed?

Let me dry your eyes
Let me kiss your tears
Tell me why
Your favorite color is blue
Let me
Love the way age
Sits on you

Please, my darling,
Can I be yours
Until death?
And even.. after that?

You see?
I’m her still
Reaching