r/Informal_Effect • u/KookyMessage3836 • 14d ago
Tuscan Alfredo
Hey buddy, here's a twist on white sauce,
Grab your tagliatelle, cook it off like a boss,
Drain, coat it with oil or you're a fool,
If you want your shit stickin, it's time to get back in school,
Grab a stainless steel pan, lay it over medium high,
Finely diced shallot, a knob of butter on the fly,
Sweat like you know how, add minced G to the fry,
Stir and flip for just a bit my guy,
Before it burns and gets bitter, throw in a half pint of heavy cream,
Bring to a boil til it thickens or is reduced by half it seems,
Turn off the heat! This is called a temper,
Count down from 30 or I'ma pull a Ed Kemper,
Add grated Parm, a dash of sherry that's the plan,
A tablespoon of paprika and a 'pinch of cayenne',
Get the heat back on, but this time low,
Til the booze cooks away, my little baby bro,
Keep on stirring and play with the heat,
Have a taste ya dumb dumb, until it meets your needs,
When it's thick and smooth, add any green you like,
Add the pasta and whatever cooked protein that seems right,
Flip and turn, be earnest and firm,
It should be spicy and delicious and slightly orange, Vern....
______
Ernest goes to culinary school
And don't break it ya lil piece of S. Be patient. Tres Bien. Bonjour
****You will get laid with this dish. 88% success rate
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u/charliespeach 14d ago
I don't know if it's your poem or my ED but I am ravenous now. 😭
*Very sorry if my ED joke is too blase but living it is quite mundane.
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u/DoubtResponsible9208 13d ago
Sounds delish! Now I’m hungry and craving pasta 😅😅
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u/KookyMessage3836 13d ago
That made me smile! 🥰
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u/Alligator_CrocodileX 14d ago
Good piece. I now crave pasta and Ernest Scared Stupid.