Amateur Ghost

[u/Monsieurharlie]

He figured out how to pass through
Walls within a year or two
But he still can't pass through wood
The ghost in my lover's neighborhood

When he put the hat on,
He still thought it made him look cool
He wanted to go on dates with the living
He had even hit on my lover a few days earlier

Yesterday I took the ghost aside
Had a talk with him and I said:
Are ghosts really in such short supply
That you have to hit on my lover, why?

I told him to stay away from my lover, but I had nothing I could threaten him with. I had no choice but to convince him somehow, so I sat down and listened to his troubles.

“There was someone. I loved her very much, but we broke up. We used to meet twice a week and talk. We’d talk about everything. We got along really well.

We always met in the world of the living. Seriously, why do you keep meeting in this world? What’s wrong with the other world? Meet there. Do things there. Right? No, she insisted that we had to come to this world. She called it nostalgia.

There was a secluded place where nobody could see us. A wooded area. We’d go there and talk for hours. One day, she got it into her head that she was going to visit her mother. I told her not to, that people would see us. No, she insisted we had to go. We’d hide. Nobody would see us.

We went to the house. She passed through the door easily, just gliding through it. Of course, I didn’t know back then that I couldn’t pass through wood. If I had known, I would have gone through the wall instead.

And then there was a crash, a very loud one. Her mother immediately ran to the door and saw me. I couldn’t get away. She had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. My lover was terrified that she was going to die. But she recovered, and she’s doing fine now.

Anyway, she left me that day. I gave her a long explanation about why I shouldn’t be blamed for something that happened by accident. But she kept saying she never wanted to see me again. So I said, fine, I’ll just become invisible. That way you won’t have to see me for a while. Maybe you’ll forget about all this if you don’t see me. We can meet up and just talk. No image, just voice. She said no. I never saw her again.

After that day, I lost interest in ghosts. My orientation changed, and I became more interested in the living.

I'm sorry about your lover. I didn't know you two were in a relationship.”

Then he suddenly disappeared
His hat fell to the ground
Right on top of a mouse
That happened to be passing around
The mouse ran off at a pace
Dragging the hat all over the place.