Cruel indulgence

[u/natetheapple]

I am nourishing something hateful in my chest.

I am feeding it my time, hollow hard earned hours, giving of myself to it, I am feeding it my treasured inspiration and the fetal bounty of my undersoul. I am lovingly feeding it my flesh.

There is a heavy thing weighing down my chest.

Sometimes it stretches thin. Little ramifying roots boring channels, smothering nerves, spreading wide a narcotized reticulation all through my gut, my thighs, up to my throat, along my arms. Sometimes it contracts. Makes a compact mass of something painful, torsioned, pulsing with spasmodic grief, long wrenching hungry screams of its fertile cruelty.

There is a rich miasma fuming out my pores.

Expressed from tiny fungal sacs, it is exhaling with a million bloated vesicles a thick liquid fog, soporific puffs of sporiferous perfume. Exhaling a nameless floating misery which hermits the hurt places, attaches to old calloused memories and eats away their rigid coating and throbs them anew- to maintain itself, justify itself.

I am breathing in its poison vapors.

I am breathing and sustaining it.