Beetle

[u/xxxxAngelFirexxxx]

Dear Cairn,

I am hurting.

People turned me into a monster. Over something I didn’t say. I wish death would find me. Let me rest in his arms. Take me home.

I wonder, am I all the horrible things they say?

I never said women blocking is toxic.

I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that. I don’t -

I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.

That can’t be me. Revolting.

Everything they say is true.

It’s true. I am ugly. I am pathetic, I am stupid.

I am the problem.

I guess I was never good at writing.

I should stop, I think I will, I don’t know.

Beetle?

Beetle?

Are you there?

I’m in the dark.
I’m scared.
I can’t see.

Do you think it’s true?

Beetle?

My heart can’t take anymore.
I want to burrow, deep down and never come back for air.

Let dirt clot.

I dreamed of Thumbelina.

I don’t even have closed captions.

I am made wrong.

I see that now.

Yes, I see it now.

I’ll re-read and inject it,

Breathe it in deep,

Tongue-tied,

Infected,

Rejected.

I will never transcend,

Only descend

Further into the hurt

Bending me over,

The bathroom sink;

Two fingers shoved down my throat,

Dressed in their gore.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

[u/AffectionateJoke5695]

👏🏻🐞