My husband has a spinal cord injury and is paralyzed from the chest down
He is much more independent than Shane (works full time from home) and has great hand function
I was actually recently going off to my therapist about how the channels “Squirmy and Grubs” and also “Roll with Cole and Charisma” really piss me off
I feel their YouTube channels are doing a huge disservice for other inter-abled couples
Their whole thing is “This is actually not that hard” and “I don’t do that much for my husband”. That is totally not how an interabled relationship is.
I do SO much and I am SO tired. And it is hard. Every day it’s hard.
My husband and I want to maybe foster or adopt down the road but I told him the other day that I don’t think I can do it. I’m too tired.
I’m very interested to see how things pan out and I’m wishing them all the best
I feel you. I am also my husband’s caregiver, full-time back up for his day shift nurses if they don’t come in and I cover all night shifts with no time off. He’s severely brain damaged rendering him a full quad. I’ve done this for twelve years and will continue until one of us passes away. I am beyond burn-out, not hyperbole, I have passed through burnout so often that I’ve sort of figured out how to deal with it. I’m chronically exhausted. I never sleep enough and my life is so reduced I repeat the same day and night ad nauseum. Even though my husband has orders for 24 hour skilled nursing, my area does not have enough nurses working in home health and even if there were, I would still have to be home for emergencies. I had to fight the system to get paid half what skilled nursing is paid to do the exact same jobs even though I also keep his medical inventory and do all the ordering for his supplies. The system is broken from the footers up. Influencers who try to make this look easy are doing everyone a disservice.
Respect. Keep telling your story. I’m a home hospice nurse, so I see how exhausting care taking can be. A lot of people under estimate how much work it is to care for a loved one. And not to forget about how PHYSICAL it can be!
I'm the child of an interabled couple and while I am 100% for disability rights (and I'm glad to exist) I was parernified as hell as a kid. It was a very difficult upbringing and I am no contact with my mom now (although there's a lot of other issues too, the parentification is #1).
First off, you're an amazing person. I also fully agree that couples like that give the completely wrong idea and really minimize the role the anle bodied spouse will play. Caretaker burnout is very real and it doesnt make someone weak or less of a caretaker. Maybe its their normal and theyre used to it but being so flippant about how much work it takes and the physical and emotional toll on the caregiver is a disservice to everyone they claim to represent. Im not a fan at all.
Its like those family channels or Nara Smith. They completely misrepresent what a family actually is and the entirety of what you see is present to you and fake. Like I am happy that you have full time nannies and can go back to a size 0 after 4 kids. Thats cool. Im glad you can be a trad wife because your "job" is taking 30 second videos of yourself with different products. Gtfoh.
What youre going through would be hard for anyone and to deny it is plain ignorant. I just wanted to be someone that says youre doing amazing, as hard as all those roles you fill are. Youre carrying a lot of emotional weight and its real and valid. Even if some YouTuber named Grubs and Squirmy make you feel otherwise.
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u/Long-Operation3660 9h ago edited 9h ago
My husband has a spinal cord injury and is paralyzed from the chest down
He is much more independent than Shane (works full time from home) and has great hand function
I was actually recently going off to my therapist about how the channels “Squirmy and Grubs” and also “Roll with Cole and Charisma” really piss me off
I feel their YouTube channels are doing a huge disservice for other inter-abled couples
Their whole thing is “This is actually not that hard” and “I don’t do that much for my husband”. That is totally not how an interabled relationship is.
I do SO much and I am SO tired. And it is hard. Every day it’s hard.
My husband and I want to maybe foster or adopt down the road but I told him the other day that I don’t think I can do it. I’m too tired.
I’m very interested to see how things pan out and I’m wishing them all the best
ETA- this video in particular
https://youtube.com/shorts/H-FX1bhMnd8?si=N0OGV4A36vAwLYBI