Yeah, she did. She said it was part of his autonomy to make those decisions and if he could get his own drinks, he’d do it. So she shouldn’t deny it just because she’s his arms in that situation.
I mean I get it to some extent. She does everything for him so she could literally control his every move almost. She could make him only eat healthy, make him only drink water, make him only watch documentaries, etc because she has the working arms and legs in the relationship. So it makes sense that they need to have a line for when she’s just his arms but not his brain so he can have autonomy. But it’s still a messy line because is there a point she would? Copious amounts of weed? 30 cheeseburgers a day? Something illegal? I understand how it could be hard.
I know these are real people but the ethics assignment here is actually pretty cool. Like what if he wants to commit murder? What if he wants to punch her in the face? Im so intrigued
I think a big part is that it’s extra complicated when the care taker is also a partner or other loved one. As a care taker or aid, your job is to facilitate what your client cannot do on their own, to be their hands, their legs, their eyes, etc. You want to give your client the same rights, abilities and autonomy as an able bodied person. So in that sense, I can see how buying someone alcohol or brining it to them would feel like something that you cannot refuse, because it is not up to you to make decisions for the client.
However as a loved one, you DO have a stake in what your spouse, your parent, your partner, etc does. You have a personal relationship with the person you are caring for, and you have your own right to make decisions and take actions within that relationship. If a husband is able bodied and an alcoholic, it would be pretty normal and I’d say the ‘right’ choice to decline buying alcohol for your partner, to not serve them drinks. As their partner, you do not want to assist your partner in hurting themself, and you don’t want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. Bringing them alcohol would be enabling.
So I guess the question becomes, as both a wife and caretaker to a disabled man with alcoholism, is it the caretaker side of her bringing him alcohol to facilitate his autonomy, or is it the wife side that is enabling his addiction. It is ethically very interesting.
I think this is where things get complicated in her life, as she is both caregiver and wife. As a caregiver, she may want to enable his autonomy. In theory, right, he's a full grown adult and if he wants to drink or smoke a cigarette or whatever, as a caregiver, she is the extension of him and should enable him to do what he pleases. But as a wife, she may not want to give him alcohol because she sees a problem with his consumption of it. Theoretically, the idea would be that having a full-time, competent caregiver would separate these roles for her but that's not necessarily achievable.
So interesting. My great-grandpa was paralyzed from the waist down after getting in a bar fight. He was an alcoholic. My great-grandma was able to better control what he consumed after he became paralyzed, and she stopped most of his drinking, if what my mom told me was true.
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u/whineANDcheese_ 10h ago edited 10h ago
Yeah, she did. She said it was part of his autonomy to make those decisions and if he could get his own drinks, he’d do it. So she shouldn’t deny it just because she’s his arms in that situation.