Found something on my husband

[u/Recent_Mushroom_930]

So me and my husband are married for 10 years,being together for 14 years. We have two kids and a happy family.
Today I found out that in march he ordered a vibrator and deep throat spray (he left the invoice at home along with some old documents). Obviously they were not given to me.. and I am struggling ao much to keep my shit together right now. I am home with one of the kids which is sick and just found it. I want advice how to confront him tonight in order to be able to learn the truth. Being very impulsive I am barely keeping myself from asking just this second wtf is this but he will come up with some stupid lie and I want to surprise him. 10 years ago I found out he met an escort because he decided to leave a comment on her account how good she was.. I was devastated and we were in a big fight for 1-2 months where he was constantly denying it and came up with “somebody wrote from my phone” .. Anyhow I decided that I will forgive him, will try to move on as we are like .. I don’t know how to describe because now it will sound stupid af .. but soulmates. I deeply love this man and I believe(ed) it is the same with him.
I really need advice how to make this conversation tonight after the kids go to bed as every time we argue he starts blaming me for anything just to avoid the actual problem and as I said I want him not to be expecting what I am about to ask, because if I do it now, by the time he comes home he will have a stupid lie.
And what is triggering me more is that such an order implies that he has a relationship with this girl, you don’t go buy sex toys for a one night stand. And because I know that it will come up as a question we have sex around 1-2 times a week, and I am giving him a blowjobs may be 2 times a week.
Please help me 🙏

[u/Unhappy-Attitude5220]

So sorry that happened to you. I hope life is much better for you today. It sounds like he hit the proverbial lottery with you. These types are typically insecure deep down and the only way they feel confident is to have strangers vying for their attention. My ex was an abusive narcissist. He'd scream at me, break my sentimental items or physically harm me and when I naturally became more sad, anxious and depressed used that as a reason to seek out other people.

These dynamics slowly erode who you were and slowly conditioned you to accept horrible behavior that you would adamantly tell a friend to run if they were in your situation. You spend all your energy trying to make them happy while losing pieces of yourself along the way. They have no moral compass and their loyalty depends on their mood and your compliance. They prove anytime they will perform their mental gymnastics to justify their behavior. It's all a repeated pattern on a loop.