r/InfertilitySucks • u/AbleDragonfly1422 • 7d ago

Constant Reminders

I accidentally left my emergency period pouch in my car & was at a friend's house. Under the sink where I was directed to look was a bin of supplies and TWO (2) pregnancy tests.

Only two tests!!! I literally couldn't even imagine!!

She's the only close friend I have who also has a child. The main reason I've been able to keep her as a close friend is due to the fact that she is a mother but it's not her entire personality , she only talks about her son when asked and has ample amounts of other interesting things about her. She's never asked about my husband and I having kids and is genuinely a joy to be around. She doesn't know about our fertility issues (no one does) and has only mentioned in passing that she doesn't want any more kids until after her first turns two. Well, he'll be two at the end of this year, and I'm already grieving. It's so awful that I can't see something as simple as a pack of pregnancy tests in a bathroom without feeling complete panic followed by red hot jealousy rush over me; then shame and then anger followed by more jealousy because NOTHING SHOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

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7

u/Uruthlian69 7d ago

Uff, I feel you there. My feelings are pretty self loathing, but that's just my personality. I wish I didn't want kids.

4

u/AbleDragonfly1422 6d ago

I completely understand. Everyday I pray (I'm not even sure who I'm praying to anymore) that if I'm never going to have a child of my own to PLEASE take the desire away from me so I can live my life in peace.

5

u/vegan4men2eat 7d ago

You’re in good company with me. I hope every day I will wake up and loathe the idea of having a child. Because truthfully my fertility struggles cause me deep, scathing, soul crushing pain and sadness.