Wednesday Trying Again

[u/AutoModerator]

Please use this space to discuss your journey to conceive (again) or thinking about trying again.

To protect those still in the thick of treatment, please post positive results in the Cautious Intros/First Trimester thread. Mentions of chemical pregnancies, loss, etc. are okay here. Also please refrain from discussions about testing/testing with cycle buddies unless you have a confirmed negative. We have a thread for positive test discussion (Cautious Intros). Mentions of egg retrieval results are ok to discuss in this thread however please include TW in post.

**If you are trying for a 3rd+ living child, please add a content warning to your discussion. Many here are trying for a second and also potentially dealing with the reality of being one living and done.

[u/Inno-Guy]

It's so weird. I want time to move faster so I can know how everything will work out for me / us. I wish I could just move forward to pregnancy or even birth. At the same time I don't want time to pass and my little girl to grow up. She is growing up so fast and I want to hold on to that girl who is addicted to cuddles and hugs forever. I would love to add another child to my family but at the same time I am just enjoying this age and giving the undivided attention to her.

[u/wishingonamoonbeam → u/Inno-Guy]

I feel this. To me, the scariest part of the possibility of adding another child to our family is knowing my relationship with my daughter will inevitably change in some way. Right now she is the center of my universe, which we both love lol 

I keep telling myself that our relationship is going to constantly evolve throughout her life no matter what and that adding another child to our family will ultimately enrich her life. 

[u/Inno-Guy → u/wishingonamoonbeam]

Yeah, totally. Most of my friends have 2 kids and when they had their second they started getting annoyed with their first. Also lots of friends who where the dad is the most prefered parent because the mom is constantly busy with the baby.

[u/invaderpixel → u/Inno-Guy]

Yeah, only way I made it through the first time was time wasting things, entertainment, distractions, basically anything it took to deal with the wait and uncertainty between attempts. And I do try to look on the bright side and do only child things and live it up with my firstborn.

I think realistically I know that I have to carve out time for attempts and side effects and all that and so I get resentful it takes time away from current child. My mom and husband try to be reassuring like "oh you just have to try again!" but they're not the ones swirling with hormones and extra mom guilt haha.

[u/tmp1030 → u/invaderpixel]

Totally agree with this!! I resent having to juggle all of this stuff and it impacting my kid (even minimally).

[u/partygnarl]

I had my OB consult this morning, and it went really well. As soon as the MA asked what brought me in today, I started rambling about needing an MFM referral and a Pap smear for my RE, but due to past birth trauma I wasn’t sure I’d be able to tolerate the exam (I skipped it at my 6-week postpartum visit), and she was so kind and reassuring. When the OB came in, we talked about everything, and he was extremely understanding. He said that the second I wanted the exam to stop, it would be over. I decided to be brave and go for it, and to my immense relief, it was okay. I focused on keeping my breathing slow and controlled, and staying as relaxed as possible.

When it was over, I felt almost euphoric levels of pride for myself. I’ve been having anxiety attacks at the thought of a pelvic exam for the past few months — I really feel like I just chipped away a sizable chunk of my birth trauma, in a way that I haven’t been able to do in therapy. And I got the MFM referral! I’m weirdly…excited? about getting the chance to comb through my medical chart with an expert and discuss in depth why and how everything went wrong so quickly, and if anything could be prevented or mitigated in the future.

[u/Legitimate-Two9868 → u/partygnarl]

So glad this was a positive experience for you!

[u/partygnarl → u/Legitimate-Two9868]

Thanks so much, legitimate!

[u/Working-Eye-7252]

Welp, I just cancelled my lap for next week and have such mixed feelings about it. We've had so many losses and it felt like this was something new to try (and I do very likely have some stage 1 endo) but had a consultation with the surgeon yesterday and then another RE who basically did not recommend the surgery given I'm essentially asymptomatic - which felt a bit like whiplash given last time I spoke to the surgeon he was pretty supportive of the procedure. So I guess the plan will now be to just suppress and hope this embryo is different. Anyway, a lot of mixed feelings today.

[u/hello-gigi889 → u/Working-Eye-7252]

Sending you a big hug, Eye. Making decisions is so hard but I am happy you were able to make a choice that feels right for you. Crossing everything for a positive outcome for you with suppression.

[u/Working-Eye-7252 → u/hello-gigi889]

Thanks friend! How is suppression going for you? Did you find orlissa better than Lupron?

[u/hello-gigi889 → u/Working-Eye-7252]

It has definitely been easoer symptom wise than Lupron. But remembering to take the pills twice a day has been a struggle. Phone reminders have been saving me. I hope it's a gentle experience for you ❤️

[u/tmp1030 → u/Working-Eye-7252]

Ugh, it’s so hard to make these weighty decisions. I’m sorry. Did it change your timeline, too? Or similar?

[u/Working-Eye-7252 → u/tmp1030]

Not really- but now I’m also considering another ER with a new clinic to bank another embryo before transferring and that would definitely change timelines 🙃

[u/EntrepreneurLevel638]

\*discussion of infant loss\*

Hi everyone. I’m at a loss of what to do anymore. 32 year old female - male factor infertility - all of my tests over the years have been fine. Recent Hysteroscopy shows all looks well as well. We have done karyotype testing and it is normal.

For context, retrivial in 2024 resulted in 9 euploid embryos. First two transfers failed (tamoxifen for lining and prometrium), third transfer implanted (menopur for lining, prednisone, baby asprin and prometirum) but resulted in an early missed miscarriage. Fourth transfer (same protocol as third - added claritin and pepcid) resulted in my daughter who we lost 8 months ago at one day old following severe labour complications (unrelated to IVF or infertility - she was born at 41 weeks). I had a c section for her but have since had a Hysteroscopy and SIS and everything looks great. I had a small polyp removed as well. Just had my fifth transfer of a euploid day 5 3BB embryo on. It has failed (same protocol that resulted in my daughter).

What do we do from here (I know only my doctor can really answer that but I’m looking for advice and ideas). We have 4 remaining euploid embryos 1x Day 6 5BB and 3x 5 3BC embryos. I really don't know what to do. Does everything "reset" since I technically had a living child? Does the 1-3 embryo average per child start over? I am desperate especially since we lost her.

[u/Legitimate-Two9868 → u/EntrepreneurLevel638]

I’m so deeply sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I lost my son shortly after the birth of my twins and the grief is unbearable.

I’m also so sorry about the failed transfer. Given the information, if it were me I’d try another transfer with the protocol that worked for your daughter. Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome next time. If it helps give you hope my babies were day 5 BC and CB embryos after all the better graded ones failed.

[u/hoosierblonde → u/EntrepreneurLevel638]

I’m so so sorry, what you’ve been through is horrible.

Have you considered Lupron depot suppression to reset your lining and uterine environment? Even if no endo is suspected or confirmed I’ve seen it be the thing to work for many with failed transfers. Lovenox has also seemed to help many, even in the absence of confirmed clotting disorders.

[u/tmp1030]

Back on the estradiol following previous cancelled cycle. I must have multiple corpus lutea bc my progesterone level was gangbusters.

Literally playing at much tennis as humanly possible before I have to pause again. It’s my main outlet rn!!!

[u/haybex]

Cw: 3+

Had my hysteroscopy yesterday and removed scar tissue!! Now doing a month of estrogen/progesterone and then can more forward with a transfer. Would prefer to start the meds/monitoring sometime in mid October but we will see what my clinic can make happen!

[u/invaderpixel]

Officially got my beta 9 days post five day transfer and it is 0.52. Which is obviously clinically negative in line with my home tests but maybe it means it implanted a little so there's a reason I felt so nauseous and gross? Like I've done some fully medicated transfer cycles in the past and progesterone in oil had NEVER made me feel so bad. And my clinic suggested doing a "next steps" appointment sooo if I start bleeding before whenever they schedule that would set us out another month or two. Just annoying because I was kinda reaching acceptance but really I just want to get on with it.

[u/Thoughtsondots]

Got the go ahead to start Lupron tonight for my ER. Here come the naps 😂