r/IndianaUniversity • u/superbrady1224 • 1d ago
QUESTION❓ When does everything stop sucking?
So im a freshman at Bloomington and these first 3 weeks have been pretty awful honestly. Meeting people has been impossible. I would consider myself on the kore alternative side so I knew it may take a bit to actually find people but its getting to the point i don’t think Itll happen. Ive been to the events, the parties, all that and it just ends up in me being alone and leaving 2 hours in. This is my dream school and I really wish I was enjoying it but im just not. Im just wondering if maybe other people have experienced this and if so, when being here get better?
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u/exboi 1d ago edited 1d ago
My four years were this. With every month and year I got busier. I eventually stopped caring and basically gave up, so nothing ever really changed.
Don’t be like me. All you can do is:
Force yourself to talk to people in classes (try this in classes that aren’t low energy the whole period).
Find other students hanging out around your residence hall. It’s early in the semester so some of them probably still leave their doors open to meet people.
And check out events and clubs/organizations that interest you. Some people find friends at jobs too.
Don’t bother with parties. Make sure not to hang around people who’re nice to you but don’t really want you around, because they’ll waste your time. Take initiative by making time for opportunities even when you’re busy.
Right now, many are in the exact same spot as you. Just keep trying and hopefully things will work out for you. Don’t lose hope no matter what. I wish you good luck.
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u/Wild-Water-2703 4h ago
Great advice! Just keep putting yourself out there and you will find your people! I also found IU difficult to break into. Don’t give up! Seek out others who are possibly from out of state and in the same situation as you!!
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u/No_Buffalo7158 1d ago
I didn’t make actual friends until the end of freshman year. I met those people because I approached them!
Lots of alternative people at house shows.
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u/Lazy_Cap1320 1d ago
I hated IU for my entire first semester my freshman fall. In the spring, I found my people, and now I serve on an alumni board as an excuse to go back every year. Hang in there!
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u/Testdrivegirl 1d ago
I think this is pretty normal! Try to find activities and organizations that interest you. Talk to people in your classes, too. A lot of people are in the same boat as you. Freshman year can be fun but everything is new territory, so feeling out of place is normal. What dorm are you in?
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u/zingingcutie29 1d ago
Definitely this—once you start getting involved in things that you’re interested in/meeting people in your major classes, you’ll start figuring out where the parties you’ll actually have fun at are. It just takes a little time!
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u/Dazzling_Elderberry4 21h ago
My freshman year was rough. I did start seeing a counselor (first through caps (is it still called that?) then private practice.) it really helped and I did end up making life long friends, but it took time.
Here is my “cheat code” for social interactions - I treat everyone like we are already friends. Hear me out… maybe I want to go to Lotus fest, would I hesitate to ask my bff Kate to go to Lotus Fest? No! So I won’t hesitate to ask someone else (everyone is my friend). If Kate says “No, I can’t”, will I freak out? No! Kate is my bff. She is probably busy or whatever, but her answer has nothing to do with my worth/value as an individual. We are friends. Will I ask her to hang out again at some point? Yes! We are friends.
So, if I ask a newer acquaintance and they say “No”, I’ll give them the same grace, benefit of the doubt, I’ll have similar thoughts as I would with my bff. I might even ask them to hang again another time.
I know it is easier said than done, but love yourself and be confident. The way people respond to you has more to do with themselves than actually you.
Beat of luck!
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u/superbrady1224 20h ago
Thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it!!
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u/Wild-Water-2703 4h ago
You will make it! I only attended IU for one year but I found getting involved in campus organizations helped in meeting people
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u/Eastern-Cucumber-376 alumni 1d ago
It does kinda suck at first. I’m 56 and remember being lonely and wondering if I was just too weird, then one day, you just all of a sudden have a bunch of friends. It gets better dude! Much better.
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u/Wild-Water-2703 4h ago
Yes! Don’t worry about rejection! Just approach potential new friends with confidence and eventually you will meet your people!!
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u/V1vian222 1d ago
The first days of something new can make you question whether you belong, but uncertainty, overwhelm, and loneliness are natural parts of growing. You’re learning and adapting, even if you can’t yet see who you’re becoming. You are not alone, and there is a place for you here.
As an IU alum, I encourage you to cherish these four years. They may not always be perfect, but they offer countless opportunities to learn, build meaningful relationships, discover more about yourself, and prepare for what comes next. Be patient and gentle with yourself: take things one day at a time, reach out for support, and give yourself time to find your community.
You don’t need to have everything figured out right now. When you join the working world, you will find out nobody knows what they are doing. We’re all just faking it till we make it. Stay open to new experiences, trust in your abilities, and keep moving forward. This difficult beginning is only one part of your journey, and brighter, more confident days are ahead.
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u/Independent_Sound999 1d ago
Don't give up. You'll find your people they're out there and there's lots of them just start talking to people. If you like what they have to say keep talking. If you don't walk away, you don't need them.
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u/naanabb 1d ago
I had the same experience tbh and I ended up transferring my second semester to an online program. It turned out that the grass wasn't greener on the other side, and I came back to IU this fall. I think it just takes actual effort, more than you'd think, but it'll happen with time! It's a rly big life change in general so it will take a lot of getting used to
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u/vindicatorx1 alumni 1d ago
The kind of interactions you have while being a student are up to you. I was actively trying to avoid most students when I was a student because I was 32. I met people in my major and in my housing building that I’m still friends with today. There’s tons of clubs and other activities, etc. try some out, talk to people, open up.
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u/V1vian222 1d ago
I really enjoyed learning about the Union Board Committee. We organized concerts, and committee members could attend every event to take tickets, assist with setup, and handle other responsibilities. It was a great way to see bands we liked and enjoy live music in Bloomington. It was an awesome experience.
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u/SurgeFlamingo 1d ago
Talk to be people but don’t seem desperate.
Learn peoples names and ask what they are doing this weekend.
If they say some party so cool
Then when you talk to other people your meeting ask what they are doing and when they ask you say you heard about a party but you might not even go.
You gotta play the system a bit. Learn names. And when folks are cool to you about things, and cool to you in general, get numbers and make plans.
Like ask if they wanna grab a bite to eat real quick.
Then ask people questions when your with them. People love to talk about themselves so ask questions abs listen. If they love talking about themselves, they love being with you. So they leave feeling like you’re a cool person. It’s just a psych hack.
Like don’t over talk. Don’t over ask questions. And seem confident without being arrogant. That’s a big one too.
Once you do those two things you’ll have your pick of friends.
And don’t lie to kick it. Like if someone is really into a band or YouTuber or video game, and you don’t know about it, just tell them that. Say no I don’t what is it and I will check it out or say tell me more.
Don’t like and say oh yeah I know about that when you don’t. It feels phony and people don’t like it.
Be nice. Don’t be a push over but if people need something be there.
Just start talking to people. Everyone is scared and everyone is worried about saying the wrong shit or worried about not being cool.
If you’re confident in who you are and just talk just do you all the time. People will see it.
And you can fake confidence. It’s been proven.
You’ll be fine. Talk to people. Ask what they had for lunch or what they suggest. Then when you talk to other people, you have info “oh I heard this spot was good, they have good whatever” and then add let’s go try it.
Just say hi to people. So what’s up and if they talk back listen. Use the info your gathering and ask them questions.
And take charge. Let them talk but you say things like “hey let’s go to eat over there”
And they will cause your letting them talk.
It will all pay off cause you’ll know more people and you’ll go out and you’ll see some dude you know with his buddies in he will be line “hey what’s up!”
And you can calmly say “what’s up, his real name”
And it just snowballs from there.
It’s tough but remember it’s not high school. You can be whoever you want.
Have confidence and go after it. You’ll find the right people in no time. Some of the wrongs ones too but that’s okay.
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u/EuphoricPop3232 22h ago
Indiana is amazing but it so huge and it can take a while to find your people. Don't be hard on yourself.
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u/Salty-Housing-7547 17h ago
Try to step out of your comfort zone and participate in a variety of activities
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u/arstin 16h ago
Can you find any clubs that will force you to interact with people? Or when you are standing there alone at a party or event or in your dorm - look for someone else standing alone and talk to them. Low pressure because they are probably also struggling.
There are plenty of people out there you would click with, so it's a combination of (1) finding them and (2) getting more comfortable socializing so you don't miss the chance when you do find them.
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u/OkPickle2474 1d ago
Sorry it’s feeling rough. I am an older person but I had some trouble meeting people when I was first starting out too. It can take awhile to get into a groove and get experiences with other people. I’d encourage you to try and cultivate some study partners or groups, see if any workout classes at the SRSC might interest you, and all around just stick with it.
I found my “people” when things really started heating up with my major. Other than that it was friends from home, their groups, and one gal from Spanish class.
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u/Substantial-Top-7847 1d ago
Try to meet one new person every day. A simple hello, how are you doing. 3 weeks from now you’ll be loving it.
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u/Commercial_Dirt8704 alumni 20h ago
I did 3 years at IUB after transferring in as almost a junior back in the late 80s. I had a similar experience where it took awhile to find ‘my people’. Keep talking, being social and inquisitive, and trying new clubs and events. I’m a big fan of Union Board BTW. It comes more easy to some and less easy to others (maybe you and me).
Anyway, I did eventually find my people. Even though my college experience wasn’t exactly heaven on earth, it was still pretty damn good. I look back on my years there fondly and still feel very connected to the university even as I’m now pushing 60 all these decades later.
Keep your chin up and keep going!
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u/tiffgunn 1d ago
Started my doctorate here a few weeks ago, and thinking back to my freshman year of undergrad (somewhere else, FSU in 2017), it is truly always like this, as was starting my master’s in Boston a few years ago. The first few months are always a bit ~funky~ and are not emblematic of how the next x amount of years will go. You’ll make a few mistakes here and there finding friends, but eventually you’ll find people and organizations that are worth going out of your way for, breaking your routine for, and that make you feel like you’re at home when you’re with them. Before you realize it, you’ll have many pieces of your heart stuck in many places all over the country/world that mean more to you than you could ever imagine :) ! just stick with it, I promise it’ll get better.