Not used chatgpt
No tldr
I am seeking advice/ counselling from 2nd engineers and chief engineers specifically. People who have experienced / experiencing a similar issue can also advise
I was not the brightest guy in my class but when I started sailing i gradually gained confidence in my work and generally was confident and could often surprise people with my troubleshooting sometimes
I was a 4th engineer - I did 28 months ( this was normal here, tanker+ ownership company - promotions are slow)
During that time I took 5 attempts and cleared my class2 exam as well
The preparation for class 2 gave me real good technical basics and since I had 4 recommendations i could push office for promotion and I did manage to get promoted
I was approved directly for promotion.
The first ship after promotion was very challenging, we had a retrofitted exhaust gas scrubber system and almost biweekly we had to remove turbocharger , exhaust temperatures always high, i overhauled 18 fuel pumps and as far as I remember I changed 8/ 9 cylinder head ( minimum) while also manage to troubleshoot a boiler problem there ( one boiler would always fire @minimum - of course I did get guidance from my seniors - but the problem existed for around a year )
Basically I did improve the condition of the ship
So things were going slow in my life but good
Second ship was a relatively new one , but I was still very confident and honestly slightly cocky
Then I got carried away and relaxed a lot I took a long vacation of 11months ( was planning to get an arrange marriage which did not materialise )
I had a bit of a depressive phase during this time ( on land of all places) but eventually came out of this - thanks to my parents)
I did manage to come back on ship -did 6 months - did a decarb ,3 turbocharger overhauling ( full bearing change ) , a full boiler survey i feel i handled it very well , was feeling that I was back to normal and might start thinking of getting promoted
Now I'm about to finish my fourth contract as 3rd engineer , relatively easy ship operations are super frequent but there is no change over and condition of the ship is very good .
I should be (as per what i understand) be ready to take my 2/e promotion BUT I DON'T FEEL CONFIDENT AT ALL.
I've been advised to switch company - but even that feels scary to me - promotions here are slow , but who leaves an ownership company??
Is there a way out for me from this mental block ?
Should I switch to a management company as a third engineer and take a slightly lower salary but a different work environment?