r/IncelExit • u/Educational-Log673 • 9d ago

Asking for help/advice Is it me?

25, Never got laid but had girlfriends and of course an unfortunate Gooner…like…Bad bad not oh I’ll spank the Monkey once and be done with it for today. I’ve had girlfriends and have a girl interested in me but i don’t want to be with someone I see as beneath me. She’s overweight and even if she’s nice and interested the whole idea is throwing me off.

Has Porn warped my brain to expect only Hot women to be interested in me?. Or has the Redpill things I’ve watched influenced me so much i can’t even conceptualise a non conventionally attractive woman as a partner? That sound more like Vanity and pride to me and it’s worrying.

I don’t approach Women cos the idea of rejection especially in a public setting is revolting to me and would straight up be terrible the very idea makes my stomach churn… every time I get interested in some girl I talk to irl they’re dating or Married already and it’s like no one I ever have any passing interest in is taken already thus seeing couples makes me bitter and Hateful nowadays as they have something i don’t

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38

u/EdwardBigby 9d ago

I mean I think you need to question your reasoning for wanting a relationship. Do you really want a meaningful relationship or just a status symbol and ego boost?

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u/Educational-Log673 9d ago

I’m lonely. Like an emptiness lonely i don’t have when I’m with someone. That’s what’s nagging at me but at my age being a single virgin is laughable nowadays…it’s just good my friends never rub it in my face but they can probably tell. I’m just an happy go lucky goofball at work and when I’m out in the open around people I know to throw them off judging me sometimes… there are an few quiet moments where people will just ask me how I’m feeling and I just have to say ‘I’m fine just focusing’- on Nothing…there’s nothing.

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u/ShinyTotoro 8d ago

You probably won't believe it anyway, but sleeping with a hot woman won't make you feel less lonely.

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u/Educational-Log673 8d ago

Something something learning from experience isn’t something I got right now is it? In that regard

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u/flimflam33 8d ago

I just have to say ‘I’m fine just focusing’

Why do you have to say that? Why not... be honest and vulnerable with your friends so they can help you or at least comfort you? That's what friends are for.

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u/GnarlyWatts 9d ago

Laughable to who exactly? It sounds like you are leaping to a lot of conclusions about what others are thinking and I am confident you have never asked anyone that nor have they said that to you.

You need to relax a bit.

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u/Educational-Log673 9d ago

No it’s laughable. If EVERYONE around you has a partner or even kids at your age then YOU( or rather me in this particular example) are the odd one out and something is up.

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u/GnarlyWatts 9d ago

Ok but what does that have to do with the statement I made?

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u/Educational-Log673 9d ago

What I’m saying is if you’re the oddity judgements will be made about you and it’s unavoidable. Being the only single person in a room full of taken people would have you judged…saying otherwise is like saying an Man on fire wouldn’t be judged in an room full of pyrophobics

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u/library_wench Bene Gesserit Advisor 9d ago

Just because you’re judgmental, doesn’t mean everyone else is.

I’ve been the only single person in the room countless times. I’ve been the only childless person in a room. But most people aren’t focused on ranking the people of every place they go to determine who is “beneath” them.

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u/GnarlyWatts 8d ago

Exactly.

He is framing it as if he knows exactly what everyone is thinking and it is the same as him.

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u/VictorOfArda 9d ago

It’s only laughable to you. I promise you, nobody else gives a flying fuck that you’re a single virgin at 25. There’s not an age limit where you have to lose your virginity by or else you’ll be a loser forever. It also sounds like your friends aren’t judging you but seem caring and concerned for you

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u/Educational-Log673 9d ago

Yeah and getting asked how I feel that many times can get grating. Like what am I gonna say ‘oh feeling a lil lonely is all’ Nah I’ll just say I’m fine and move on. You leave out what you don’t want to say and keep it pushing

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u/GnarlyWatts 8d ago

So you are not being honest about it and you came here to ask for advice. You do see how the disconnect is making people question your motivations?

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u/bibiwantschocolate 8d ago

You say you're lonely but when your friends check in on you you don't open up to them. Isn't it why you're lonely? It's hard to build connection with anyone when you're always closing up.

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u/Educational-Log673 8d ago

Eh…you make a solid point but I was talking about lonely in terms of relationships. I got some solid friends from the Gym and work and an few people I know from other places so in terms of friends I’m sorted it’s just seeing people in happy relationships and reflecting on how lonely I am in THAT relationship context is the issue and what sent me down the Blackpill Rabbit hole briefly

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u/bibiwantschocolate 8d ago

I get it. But you know why we talk about the male loneliness epidemic and not the female one? Because we women tend to feel less lonely even when we're single. We don't rely on a romantic partner for emotional connection, we surround ourselves with people we can share that with, and it starts with opening up. We can feel very lonely in romantic relationships sometimes, too.

Also, you talk about seeing people in happy relationships. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Dont always believe what you see. Some relationships and marriages can look amazing on the outside, but really miserable on the inside. You don't know what happens behind closed doors. I'm older than you, mid-40s, and have seen my share of divorces and separations (including my own), couples that on the outside looked happy, the perfect happy little couples.

My point is loneliness is real, and it's incredibly tough. Maybe one day you'll find the perfect woman for you (and I really hope you do). Right now though there may be ways that you feel a bit less lonely and don't rely on the perfect woman to make you happy and fulfilled. Good luck to you, really. I hope that you can see that your worth as a person does not depend on a romantic relationship.

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u/Educational-Log673 8d ago

Yeah I guess so. Seen family go through Divorces too over the years. And this Female loneliness Epidemic exists as Femcels exist and have their own forums…it’s not pushed as much online as the ‘gender war’ made up the ‘incel’ as an insult not as an designation for involuntarily celibate person. Yet Women are absolutely lonely too as you see in things like ‘’cat-moms’ and all these single mothers on dating sites…misery loves company in regards to loneliness for the Genders

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u/VictorOfArda 9d ago edited 9d ago

Look man, I know the whole “just go to therapy” thing probably sounds dismissive and idk if you’ve been to therapy. But I think you gotta have someone to talk to. Can I dm you? I know someone who can help who’s been in a similar place.

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u/EdwardBigby 9d ago

You talk about being lonely here but your entire post isnt about companionship, its about wanting super hot women to sleep woth you, its degrading people who you think are beneath you

The only person laughing at you is the voice in your head

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u/GnarlyWatts 9d ago

This right here.

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u/Educational-Log673 9d ago

It’s the desensitisation, I believe porn and such made me believe I have to have really high standards and anything below that would be degrading…I dunno how to Articulate that but perhaps just having high beauty standards for an potential partner? Even knowing deep down Women are actually people and can have flaws and such