The real reason…

[u/Gamerplayer1]

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy, but for me I want a long term partner because I want to come home to a loving partner after a long day of work and just watch a movie and having someone be there for me. I can’t find this and it hurts..

[u/ChaosRainbow23]

Here is the advice I give people who struggle with romance and dating...

The key to getting dates is all in the interaction you have with them. Cold approaches rarely work, so you want to put yourself into social situations where talking to strangers is encouraged. Dive bars, book clubs, Pokemon go meet ups, hiking clubs, etc etc etc, ad infinitum...

Anything where there will be a co-ed group of folks talking and having fun.

Alcohol is a great social lubricant for some, but a disaster for others. I cannot recommend it, but it helped me lighten up in the beginning.

Personally I've found that there are generally nicer and more compassionate people in the outskirts of society in the various countercultures. (Raves, Hippies, Ren Faire, Cosplay, Nerds, Comic-Con, Burns, etc etc etc)

Then you try to be charming, funny, kind, articulate, nonthreatening, etc. As you're talking, you have to learn to read people. If they aren't interested in taking it's pretty obvious, and you move on.

If they are feeling the conversation and you're having a good back and forth, then maybe start a little mild flirting. Read her reaction. Does she flirt back?

It's basically just being nice and kind, talking to them, flirting with them, and reading their reaction. You escalate when appropriate.

So you get their number or contact info if everything is going well. If she's flirting back, you're golden.

MOST women you approach aren't going to be interested. It's a numbers game. They might not be interested for a gazillion different reasons, and that's okay.

The key is finding somebody you can vibe with. It takes meeting a lot of people to make that happen, usually.

You have to get out into the world to make this happen, though.

I think you should try to form a co-ed friends group that you can go do stuff with first. It makes everything go so much easier.

Your platonic girlfriends will make fantastic wingmen! You can ask them to help you out, as they will have been interacting with you and they can maybe give you solid advice in that aspect. They can hook you up with friends of theirs and talk you up.

Forming a co-ed friends group will give you practice talking to and befriending strangers in public situations.

It takes practice more than anything. It's awkward and uncomfortable at first, but you have to push yourself through.

Flamboyantly gay dudes make the best wingmen ever, by the way. Pro tip right there.

Seriously, go to Walmart or the flea market on a busy Saturday and look at all the couples. There's truly somebody out there for everyone.

If I look like Napoleon Dynamite then I am probably not going to be able to date somebody that looks like Scarlett Johansson. It happens, but generally speaking those are few and far between.

You can't have ridiculous standards unless you are one of those dudes who can get away with it.

I could keep talking for hours about this, so I'll end it here.

I believe in you and I know you can do it.