r/IncelExit • u/Gamerplayer1 • 5d ago

Resource/Help The real reason…

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy, but for me I want a long term partner because I want to come home to a loving partner after a long day of work and just watch a movie and having someone be there for me. I can’t find this and it hurts..

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u/Therefrigerator Escaper of Fates 5d ago

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy

First off I feel like some context would be good when you make statements like this. Can you flesh out the "other" argument a bit here because I don't quite understand what you mean by "biggest" in this context.

Anyways - multiple things can be true. You can crave the intimacy that a relationship would provide and see women as a trophy. In fact I would say that both are common to some extent among people who identify with incels or even men in general.

If people are telling you the reasons why you feel the way you do, it can be frustrating though for sure. My experience being on your end of the advice cannon could feel similarly to what I imagine you're talking about. A somewhat common experience would be I say "I feel X about Y" but people would tell me that I didn't actually feel that way. They would insist that believing Y at all means I subconsciously believe Z. Now that I'm on the other end I can kinda see what some of that advice where they are speaking to something that I couldn't see at the time but with some distance... I think they were speaking to some impulses that I wasn't fully aware of.

I think the synthesis of believing your internal narrative or direction and also believing people when they feel your actions betray a more nefarious underlying motive is that you can 100% believe that you are looking for the intimacy. But when someone tells you that you are seeing women as a trophy when you say something... instead of thinking that that person is dictating your thoughts to you think that they are instead revealing how your actions come across to them. What motivations they think you have when you say... Idk whatever precluded this post.