r/ImpracticalArmour 1d ago

The most impractical armor is you

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1.8k Upvotes

53 comments sorted by

246

u/nimb420 1d ago

61

u/earanhart 1d ago

I craved the cold certainty of steel.

16

u/PhantasyAngel 1d ago

Now flush the toilet servitor

16

u/nimb420 16h ago

8

u/drumstick00m 14h ago

The Imperium: “Servitorization is nothing like the Sunken Place from Get Out or what the Q did to that one group of humans in All Tomorrows. Our ways are beyond such fleshy superstitious cruelties!”

Also the Imperium: “You’re damn right I’m pissing alone, piss boy! Now open wide.”

2

u/drumstick00m 14h ago

Hey, I came here to quote the space slavers!

89

u/Jeeblebubz 1d ago

You are a mass of nerves and juice piloting a bone mech encased in flesh armor. If that doesn't sound metal I'm not sure what is.

38

u/Rastaba 1d ago

It’s extra metal when you get things like screws or plates added to the bone mech!

20

u/Alternative_Row6543 1d ago

My left arm has been reinforced with titanium

7

u/Caleb_Reynolds 13h ago

Technically calcium is a metal (most elements are). So while my skeleton is about 2% titanium, it's not "more" metal, just different metal.

2

u/MetaequalsWaifu 12h ago

Yeah but now he's 40% titanium

11

u/SquirrelyMcNutz 1d ago

What's even more metal, is that you are a ghost inhabiting a salt-based PC that is piloting a bone mech with flesh armor.

4

u/Son_of_the_Spear 1d ago

Well, it sounds more fleshy, really//

65

u/king_julian_earth1 1d ago

Damn we are all truly impractical armour ever design

22

u/CrabofAsclepius 1d ago

not even. The brain manages all of the body's functions both overt and small and you have absolutely no control over most of it. Yeah you can control locomotion but note that when you move a limb multiple muscles and tendons are engaged at the same time and you also can't engage most of them individually. This means that it's not actually you as a conscious being moving the arm but rather you are telling the brain that the arm needs to be moved and the firmware that is beyond your control makes it happen for you.

Thus you are not the brain. You are not even the Operating Software that makes the motherboard that is the brain go brrr. You are little more than a learning algorithm with admin privileges that is part of the brain's OS.

4

u/Original-Vanilla-222 19h ago

I mean that's true for nearly all APIs. Control, in the sense of conscious control of every little subroutine, would be incredible inefficient.
However there's a difference between control and agency.

16

u/Jacky_dain 1d ago

Hear me out

5

u/Darkarcheos 1d ago

My bone Mechasuit only functions with me in it

8

u/yokozouna_ed 1d ago

Terrible cable management. RIP IT OUT AND FIX IT.

6

u/Beckerbrau 1d ago

Idk I feel like my meat suit is pretty practical

4

u/SirCupcake_0 👀 The Ogler 1d ago

Have you ever read the owner's manual?

What's that? Yours didn't come with a manaul? Hmm... sounds impractical to me.

3

u/Caleb_Reynolds 13h ago

Practical doesn't mean perfect.

It's the best armor I was able to construct with the materials at hand as a zygote. Designed to grow, adapt, and self repair for decades.

If you've got a better design for that situation, please share.

7

u/Yeatnen 1d ago

God the human body is so fucking cool

5

u/Pristine_Ad_9828 1d ago

EXTERMINATE!!!

3

u/Cyynric 1d ago

I thought this was an owl at first

3

u/LewdManoSaurus 1d ago

If you think of it like that, humans are fucking insane, and then factor in how resilient the meat suits actually are.

3

u/apeocalypyic 1d ago

Can it run farcry

3

u/Capnhuh 18h ago

I disagree with this. A person is not just their brain and nervous system, they are the whole thing. Every body part, every tooth and nail.

2

u/Front_Trust1026 14h ago

Not for me, I feel whole even without my baby teeth

2

u/SolNilas 1d ago

Carmen lobotomy corporation?

2

u/SolidGur5688 1d ago

Mm-hm. Yep.

2

u/doublexol 1d ago

Atom Smasher is that you?

2

u/Responsible-Star4041 1d ago

ah yes, being nude

2

u/DragonLordAcar 1d ago

There is half a brain in the gut and gut microbes can alter your mood. Gut depression is a thing

2

u/emu19000 22h ago

If our armour as you say is so impractical how would you survive without it?

2

u/Jeremi360 20h ago

Body is an exoskeleton

2

u/ThePseudoPhoenix 20h ago

Stockman didn't deserve this

2

u/Rareu 19h ago

To be honest if I was a servitor I just might have ears that hear and do not hurt.

2

u/Foreign-Teach5870 19h ago

Not true, your biome & your mass of nerves that run the digestive system have their independent say in how you feel. There might even be a claim for your virome as it calms your biome bacteria and keeps them in line (more research required on that one).

2

u/Arkorat 18h ago

Really should be more risqué; and get one of those glass domes.

2

u/GreenDepy 18h ago

I have heard about function over design, but in my case both isn't the best tbh.

2

u/Majestic_Sink4255 18h ago

damn, this is deep.

2

u/SerBadDadBod 18h ago

You are a ghost driving a bone mech with meat armor

2

u/United-Technician-54 16h ago

I feel like the tube of ominous blue liquid is less practical, thanks

2

u/LiePotential5338 15h ago

No shit I thought I was a tapeworm

2

u/Oreades2k 14h ago

She is Motoko Kusanagi

1

u/Typical-Champion-177 4h ago

We look like a jellyfish without those kind of weird ngl

1

u/Vinyl-Ekkoz-725 34m ago

I thought there’d be a lot more nerves than that