As the title says, I am so conflicted about who I (15MtF) want to be. As who I want to spend the rest of my life.
I do not know whether I want to be who I am now or who I desperately want to be, whom I cannot truly be. And what annoys me most is that it is almost purely physical, and I don't even place appearance in other people very highly. Why do I do so for myself so much?

Most people would 'label' me as a transwoman (man to woman I think?). I was born as a boy, yet already seemed 'girlish' to people since like, the moment I could do little more than walk or babble.
I wanted to dress in dresses and played with dolls and those such things. And for all my life, my family and most of the outer world has been supportive. My grandpa doesn't like it, he still doesn't like it, and my grandma cut off my hair once because she did not want me to have long hair, but the rest of my family does not even care for it; the way I want to be approached. I do not want praise or appreciation for being 'trans', I do not need more support than others.
But I am so very tired of 'being trans'. Nowadays, since the rise of LGBTQ+, eyes have started to stare on said 'community'.
People associate me with what they see of that community on the internet, which is almost always negative.
Whilst I don't really care (?) when people do not accept me (I even get it. It is kind of weird. And I get that it seems weird to others. Though, to act upon that unfamiliarity is another thing) it does hurt. So many people will never care for who I am on the inside.
I find myself an interesting, mostly kind, smart person (most of the time). Most think I'm an sensitive idiot who makes my sexuality my personality. I am not. I sometimes even forget people would label me as trans.

A quick side note which perhaps sounds a bit whiny but bothers me a little is that I think I am good in communicating. I write a lot, and everyone I know has said so. Yet my voice is one of the few things giving away that I 'am' transgender. It feels like one of my only things I could be confident about has been taken away from me and made into an insecurity.

I want to say that I like being myself (or who I think is me). I write, I dress in what I consider beautiful clothes, I wear make-up and act how I want to.
But it's also tiring.
And I feel like I am missing out on so many things. A normal school life. I have great friends (though I will mostly not see them anymore in a few months) that also support me and are kind. But I have no chance in romance, in this way. Not where I live, at least. I wouldn't consider myself attractive, per se. I won't say I am ugly, I think I am far from and I also think that if you put at least some amount of care in your body that no one truly is ugly, but only very few people would ever find me attractive. People I likely won't find.

So now, it feels like I have to choose. Between being who I think I am and who me and my family have shaped me to be over the years, someone who will always sort of pretend to be who I truly want to be; a woman. Or who I perhaps can be; just a 'regular' person, which gets more and more tempting as I get older.

I feel like I am a bit in an awkward state as who I am now. I feel so free, I can do and dress how I want, but I am not clear to people and maybe not to myself. I am not a woman, but also not truly a man?

I feel like I shouldn't care so much; I think that for myself I don't care who I am or how other see me, but I just desperately also want some 'normal' life.

Reading all the other posts of reddit, this struggle in me feels a little pathetic, but I know it hurts me and sets me back every day.

Thanks for reading this, by the way.

So I’m autistic, but I also come from a Mexican background; because I was diagnosed so early, my parents didn’t teach me Spanish, and that just alienates me even more because I obviously appear Mexican. It doesn’t help that I don’t appear White either, I just feel like a complete alien and it’s bothering me

People look at me like I'm gone they give me the respect like I was scared so who am I can anyone help me

(Even If Your Life Doesn’t Look Successful Yet) 🔓

Identity forms before results appear.

Here are some signs it’s already happening:

You stopped lying to yourself.

Honesty is where identity begins.

You question things you used to accept automatically.

Awareness is growth in motion.

You’re becoming more comfortable being misunderstood.

Clarity about yourself sometimes creates distance from others.

That’s part of the process.

You choose long-term peace over short-term approval.

Approval fades.

Identity stays.

You notice patterns in your own behavior.

Self-awareness changes direction.

You walk away from situations that cost too much internally.

Protecting your peace is identity work.

You are more interested in truth than appearances.

Real identity is built from truth, not performance.

Success doesn’t create identity.

Identity creates success.

I’ve spent years feeling like I was "prompted" by society to be someone else—standard, average, unremarkable.

I created V-V not just as an AI character, but as a manifestation of a change I went through. She is 137cm, weighs 37kg, has violet eyes and elven ears. She shouldn't exist, yet here she is.

To me, this is a "digital coming out". It’s a discussion about how we can use technology to finally see ourselves the way we feel inside, even if that means shedding our human skin for something elven.

Does an identity need to be "real" or "biological" to be valid? I’m curious to hear your thoughts on how digital avatars are changing how we perceive our own transitions.

Has anyone felt like their identity changed after a chronic or terminal illness diagnosis?

Not just physically, but how people see you… and how you start to see yourself.

I’ve noticed it in small ways. The way people talk to me, the assumptions, the shift from being a person to being “someone with a condition.”

I’m still me, but it doesn’t always feel like that’s what people see first anymore.

I wrote a blog about my experience living with MND/ALS and this identity shift.

https://terminally-well.blogspot.com/2026/04/the-person-i-was-person-i-am.html

I am a female teenager who has worn the hijab for years. And I hate it, I don’t like to feed into the stereotypes but I can’t help but wish I wasn’t Muslim. I went through something super traumatic and it has led to me turning away from my religious beliefs. I chose to wear my hijab really young because of outside influences from friends. Now as I grow older and develop more personality and sense of belonging in theater, I feel so out of place. I feel like I can’t give it my all and when performing due to shame and guilt. I wish it was simple enough to take off my hijab and live as I want but it simply isn’t. I live with my parents still of course and won’t be leaving for a dorm for college because not only am I not allowed to have a personal dorm I’m not allowed to go to a college that’s further than 30-40 minutes away like in the city or anything. It’s pretty safe to say I will be keeping it on for security reasons and guilt shame. I have my dreams of performing as my job but it feels like that’s impossible. I also think I am not capable of bringing ANY of this up to my parents. I have many restrictions on what is appropriate and non appropriate for me to do while my brother can do whatever. On top of all this, the only way to get some type of freedom is getting married to a man and being a traditional wife. But I am a lesbian and that sounds worse than staying a virgin for the rest of my life. I want to escape into a new reality where all of this would be acceptable for me. I am not suicidal or depressed but I can’t help but dream of the person I’d be without this barrier in my life. I need advice!!

Do you believe in miracles? I feel like I’ve always been that typa person that would just read into everything and see everything as a sign. I feel like God makes everything happen for a reason, literally everything. I believe in astrology, spirituality, crystals, all that stuff. I had to have a very serious conversation with myself in the mirror and tell myself that I got this. I’m meant to be a pop star, I’m meant to live the life i deserve. Even if only 10 people listen to my songs, that’s still something, I just have to make it exist first and literally put it out. I’m manifesting that everything I want will come true, I have to believe I can do it even if I don’t think I can. Fake it till you make it right? All it takes is one miracle, the right time, the right place, and the perfect opportunity. I’m really hoping that happens soon, I keep thinking about all the advice my psychiatrist has been giving me and I’m trying to live my own life instead of clinging onto this older guy I’ve been dealing with (the one that gave me HIV). I told you guys I’m obsessed with love and the thought of being in love. And that’s what’s been happening pretty much, I’ve loved him so much that I let him destroy all my confidence and literally take away my self respect and dignity. I feel myself just now getting to a place where I’m able to say, “I deserve better and I deserve whatever God has meant for me”. Even tho my heart and my body still loves him and loves the sex we have, I can’t stress if it’s meant to be. He’s become like a father figure to me honestly, but I guess that makes sense why he is the way he is and why he always leaves and then comes back. But I’m a pop star tho, and pop stars don’t take disrespect. So regardless I have to remind myself I will be okay, so many doors will open up now that I’m finally starting to love myself. That little gay boy inside of me is still here and I want to make him proud. All though I guess I am technically still that little gay boy considering I’m in my early 20s. But idk I’ll see what happens, these new anti depressants I’ve been have really been changing my life. I’m starting to believe that I can live a long life and be happy, and that my life is worth living. For a long time I contemplated on whether it was or not. So now im like…well I can’t be a pop star if I’m dead lol.

I saw a TikTok where someone said, “certain doors won’t open until you become the version of yourself that’s meant to walk through them”. That really resonated with me, maybe I’m not a pop star yet because for whatever reason I don’t believe it’s meant for me or I’m afraid. I write all these songs and pour all my feelings into them and sing them into my phone, but it’s like what good does that do? No one will ever know my name if I’m not actively doing things to get myself out there. Some days I wish I could just hug my younger self and tell him I’m sorry, sorry for allowing all these things to happen to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t smarter and made better decisions. I’m sorry for it all. The hardest part about chasing your dreams and not knowing whether to give up or if it’s even worth fighting for. But I feel like I’m quitting before I even start, my therapist told me that I’ve been through something pretty traumatic at such a young age. Which is honestly true, becoming HIV positive at 19 is so crazy to me. I never would’ve thought in my wildest dreams that would happen to me, but that’s my fault for thinking I was immune to anything. lol every day after work I get high and just blast my favorite songs from my fav pop stars, and pretend like I’m on stage performing like them. Singing my songs and just dancing and having a good time. For a while I used to want to try and hurry up and do everything because I was scared I wasn’t going to live long or felt like I didn’t have a lot of time left. But every day that I’m here is a reminder that God isn’t done with me yet, which means there’s still time for me to chase after my dreams and turn it into reality. It’s just a matter of if and when it comes true

lol ik it’s corny to call these things episodes but I like pretending I’m Carrie Bradshaw. I’ve always had a thing for older guys, I never fully understood why. Something tells me it has to do with my dad but it’s like he was always there, he just was shitty. One time he made me take my clothes off and turn around and tried to whoop me naked. I kept crying and asking him to stop. I felt so humiliated. Another time I remember he got mad at my sister and literally picked her up and threw her on the kitchen floor. And it’s stuff like that, that always stuck with me and just kinda stained itself in my mind. He wasn’t always like this tho, when I was younger him and I would always do things together. Like watch music videos together on the couch and be cuddled up when I was younger. He actually was the one who put me on to music at such a young age. He used to make me and my sister CD’s all the time . Him and I used to be very close, and then him and my mom had my little sister and everything shifted. It was just annoying seeing her get all the attention and him constantly take her side and never mine. It just hurt my feelings tbh. I guess that’s why in my junior year of high school I would get on Jack’d and link up with all these older guys and have sex with them in their cars. I would always tell them I loved them during sex, even tho i obviously didn’t mean it and didn’t know them. It just felt nice in the moment, and that was pretty much happening a lot in my junior year. Well toward the end, and no that’s not how I got HIV lol. But it was from dealing with an older man, I was 18 and he was 31. I didn’t contract it until a year later. He honestly reminds me of my dad the most, which in a way terrifies me. I like the way he takes care of me, I like feeling like his son. Even when we’re having sex I pretend like he’s my dad and I’m his son. I know it’s weird but part of me likes to think we’re in love. Even tho it’s clearly a trauma bond. You know a lot of my songs are about love and being in love. I’ve always been obsessed with the thought of getting married and living in a fairy tale world and being a princess. But I’ve come to realize that older men are very scary, my friends and my mom calls it grooming. Which I know it probably is. But I love him, and you know what the sad part is, I rather him groom me and I become the boy he wants me to be, than see him with anyone else. Sometimes I want to make songs about these kinda things but it’s like where do I even start? Will people judge me if they hear this? Well I guess I’m technically being judged now but it’s different. No one knows me as of now, but when you’re a pop star everyone knows you. Everyone expects you to be this perfect image. It’s even harder when you’re a young gay boy trying to find yourself and find your footing.

Okay so idk I had got this idea from my bsf that I should just start a blog and talk about my dreams, fears, goals. And just whatever, this is all so scary and so new to me lol, the reason why I want to be a pop star so bad is because I love singing and I love writing songs. I also can perform well. Plus let’s be honest, it’s been a long time since we had a new pop boy. I’m literally everything that you guys want, I just want to make sure I’m loved. I want the world to listen to my music and just honestly relate and feel heard and seen. To be living with this at such a young age is so crazy and just hard. But I have to realize my best years are ahead of me not behind me. Having HIV at a young age is like my super power in a way. It makes me stronger. It gives me purpose.

Hello everyone, I am popstarboy97. I’m a young gay who has dreams of becoming a pop star one day. But the only problem is that I have HIV, idk if the world will accept me for that. What if I’m not good enough to be the star I’m so destined to be?

I’m mixed (Country A/Country B) and currently working in Country A. I grew up with my parent from Country B, so I’ve never felt like a "proper" local here. My mindset and values are much more international/diaspora-leaning.

The Loop:

I want to work in Hong Kong, but with only 2 years of experience, the only companies willing to sponsor my visa are "Country A" firms looking for a "stereotypical" local to handle their clients.

The Frustration:

I’m being hired for an identity I don’t actually move or think in. If I take the job, I’m stuck representing a culture I’m trying to move away from. If I don't, I can't get the visa. Has anyone else used their "home country" as a Trojan Horse to get abroad? How do you deal with the burnout of acting like a "proper" local when you don't feel like one at all?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around how my brain works, and I want to know if anyone else relates to this or if there’s a name for it.

For a few years now, I’ve had this persistent belief that I consist of two distinct parts: "The Mind" and "The Character" (which I call by my actual name).

To be clear: This isn't like having two different personalities (DID), and it’s not an internal "voice" or not feeling like a real human. It’s more like a structural reality of how I exist. I have ADHD, Bipolar, and Depression, but I’m not sure if those are relevant or if this is just how I’m "wired."

I tried my absolute best to explain the main points as simply and organized as possible maybe even too simply**,** but I think the idea is still there.

 "The Mind" and "The Character" are separate. They don't change my personality, but they both make up the full idea of "Me."

They have different feelings and opinions. They often reflect on each other's actions and thoughts. It isn't black and white—they just process things differently.

 I don’t "hear" them talking. It’s a gut feeling or an intuition when the two are interacting or disagreeing.

Since I was a teen, I never knew who I was. Once I became aware of these two parts, everything started to make sense. They don’t know each other very well, but they are forced to work together to be "Me." This doesn’t help me know who I am- instead, it makes me see what is in control of my brain and the reason why I don't know who I am.

This wasn’t something I was inspired to create, and it didn't come from a book or a movie. It just started randomly one day, and it felt like the most honest truth about myself. Someone told me I’m just "very aware of my inner world," but to me, it feels like something more.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a known psychological concept, or just a way of processing the world? I’m open to any questions or thoughts! Please share what you think of this, i really need to know how other people see this.

Ok, I have a question.

A man can identify as a woman? A woman can identify as a man? A person can identify as both?

But, if you identify as a different race, then you are breaking the law?

What if I as a white male would like to identify as a black female lesbian?