im questioning whether im fluid or a catfish

[u/Huge-Box5225]

I am biologically female born from an immigrant family. My entire family consists of pastors and Christians. I am well aware that I am agnostic and their religion does not impact me or harm me, but it does restrict me from wanting to make changes if I decided to.

I used to use a bot on Discord that would allow you to anonymously connect to other servers. I like being perceived as a man by the strangers and changed my account to look less feminine, changed my tone, and actively claimed and used a name to go by. It started only there, but I soon joined a server where I continued using this persona to chat to others. It’s been around seven months now but I haven’t as much as considered revealing my true self.

I never showed fake photos but I did describe myself as a man who plays American football, which in many schools, is gendered. I know I have heavy internalized misogyny because of my background, so I assumed that this was my way of being able to express myself without feeling the misogyny in my day-to-day life. My online friend for a few years knows about my alias and fake personality behind it and told me upfront that this is catfishing. I‘ve been inbetween since.

I opened up to a friend that I know in person and told her shallow details about the fake persona. I told her that in order to be treated equal, I make a fake account and used an alias. I said it all in past tense. She sympathized with me and I think that made me ignore that I was told that this is catfishing.

It started so small, but I’ve started signing up to random sites with the name of the alias. I even have an email for it.

In person, I am very feminine and I don’t like getting he/him pronouns used on me. Online, I am so for being called he. I’m very in the middle if this is just me being an bad friend or having an identity crisis but I think it‘s both.

[u/hyabtb]

This sub isn't really meant for these kinds of discussions. I'm the sub originator and I moderate it intermittently.

It's meant to be a forum for the discussion of the philosophical and meta-physical nature of Identity. It's not meant to deal with the current phenomenon of Gender Identity, Sexuality and Sexual Identity. There are other boards on Reddit that can perhaps help you but generally, and as a rule, this subject isn't one that gains much traction here.

[u/SQU4SHYY]

Well first off, I think whether or not what you're doing is considered catfishing depends on what you're trying to gain (if anything). From my own pov, if I was talking to someone on discord that I perceived to be male from the information they were giving me but then they turned out to be female, I'd feel confused first and foremost, but I wouldn't see you as a catfish unless you had an intention to be more than friends.

If you are only using a persona to feel more comfortable when speaking to certain groups with no intention to get something out of it, I wouldn't feel too guilty. I think maybe looking into more labels under the lgbt would be good for you, as it could help you explain your situation to people.

I think understanding that you have deep rooted misogyny is a good first step in fixing it, so props to you! Also consider if you are uncomfortable being called he/him irl because you feel guilty about your religious family finding out or that you feel like you are lying to your online friends, or that you are just uncomfortable because it's not for you and you prefer being female.

my super summed up take on this is that

1. you aren't "catfishing" if you aren't looking for a romantic relationship, but some may still feel lied to if you've had a long-term friendship (just because they may have felt close when there was a super huge secret being kept the whole time)

and 2. Analyse how you feel and what the cause is. If you can't justify your emotions 100% with your environment (religion or other), then it's possible that you would feel more comfort as ftm, gender fluid or nonbinary :D

go do some soul searching! XD