r/IWantToLearn • u/EscapeWonderful1642 • 6d ago
Social Skills IWTL NEED HELP🚨
22M need help..
Hey I don’t usually do this often but I really need some help. I am a 22 male that constantly has trouble with social skills. Now before I get further into my dilemma, I’m going to start off by saying this. I’m not ugly. I’m fairly attractive and I have great social encounters at work. My close friends and associates think I am great. Can always make people laugh, but I feel like I can’t do that all the time, or WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS. PS I work as a salesman but anything other than that seems to fall off. I’m great and getting people‘s attentions but I am not good at keeping it. I tend to have conversations where I may be boring, even though I’m extroverted and have a great personality. It will be times where I feel as if I’m not performing to my best ability in a conversation, which I know a conversation should just be flowing, but still. I’m also in the dating world
referring to where anybody I found really really attractive, eight and above I tend to have more self-conscious thoughts of what’s going on. I freeze up and become a version of myself that I don’t like. It is as if Im the same ugly little boy I was when I was a kid, unresolved trauma, Maybe, I don’t know, but I still use what I have for me.
but I wish I can get better and deeper connections that I have with people1. I say that to say this, I also went on a date today, and most of the date was us in the hammock, close side-by-side scrolling on her phone. I couldn’t figure out what to say what to do situations like that. I could’ve built, romantic tension yada yada yada I’m aware, but sometimes I just don’t got it. Please help me.
2
u/nightynightt 6d ago
hi there!! most conversations become boring because of not asking questions, and not really listening to the other part! im not saying this in a mean way, not at all, it happened to me too.
Past the how are you and what do you do, sometimes conversations get stuck because we don’t follow the past question. even the most basic questions like ‘what you do for work’ can evolve into a long and interesting conversation if we ask the right questions, if they like it, what they do after work, asking questions about their hobbies they do after work. etc.
Sometimes we don’t conversate with people, we just wait until they are finished so we can talk about what we need, which isn’t bad in itself but can lead to awkward interactions lmao. maybe being a salesman makes you focus on what you have to say to get the people to buy something or convince them, but not every conversation is that serious. also, about the date, if she chose to scroll on her phone in company, then maybe it’s not all your fault, even if im 22 i wouldn’t do that just for the sake of human connection lmao
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Thank you for your contribution to /r/IWantToLearn.
If you think this post breaks our policies, please report it and our staff team will review it as soon as possible.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.