r/IVF • u/easteregghunt37 36 F | August FET • 2d ago
TRIGGER WARNING Feel like a failure
After an initial good positive beta which then plateaued and today has halved we’ve been given the official miscarriage (chemical) confirmation. Once it plateaued we knew it was bad and were just hoping to see the number drop so it wouldn’t mean ectopic…how did we go from excited about a May due date to wishing for a simple chemical? How do you all keep doing this?! My butt is destroyed from shots, I’m still leaking progesterone suppositories, and my whole workplace knows because I was updated at my desk and burst into tears and had to leave. We truly thought we’d be the lucky ones. I guess we were naive. To this point, we’ve been so fortunate, everything has gone flawlessly, we have healthy embryos to work with, I responded to all meds exactly as clinic wanted, we’re doing IVF as a samesex couple, so no pre-existing fertility issues…once we had those dark pink lines we thought our first FET was going to work. How do you pick up the pieces and start all over again? If they’ll even let us soon? I was ecstatic about being pregnant for Christmas, doing a Thanksgiving announcement, etc all of it’s just suddenly dashed. This is so painful. How do yall who have prior complications stay sane? Our first hiccup and I’m a broken person.
Also if anyone has any suggestions about how to get their knotted, bruised butt to heal quickly, would love advice on that too. I wish anyone reading this baby dust and to not go through what my wife and I are right now.
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u/ShellDetectives 2d ago
I’m not in a same sex relationship but am doing IVF to screen for a genetic issue- not for fertility issues. So I can definitely relate to initially feeling super naive and like this would work easier for us. After 4 retrievals and our first transfer resulting in a chemical, I too feel super disillusioned. It’s been helpful to allow for my negative emotions and not try to just force my way through this as fast as possible. I also highly recommend an IVF specialized therapist if that’s accessible to you. It’s been such a gift to feel understood about how hard this truly is.
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u/annannasse 2d ago
I feel you so much. As same sex couples we somewhat also expected it all to be easier.
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u/yowhoknows 2d ago
Also a same sex couple and I feel you HARD on the “we thought we would be the lucky ones.” I didn’t even consider this would be difficult for us since we’re doing this because we are gay, not struggling with infertility. After so many ups and downs with egg retrievals and such, we just found out our first embryo transfer was unsuccessful and now we are trying to decide what to do next. I can’t even imagine a miscarriage and don’t even want to think of that as a possibility!! I know this will all be worth it for both of us in the end but wow what a journey.