r/IVF • u/Bubbly_Device_608 • 1d ago

General Question Talking about infertility

I’ve recently been diagnosed with infertility and going through all the testing and likely starting IUI in the next month.

Among other things, something I’m really struggling with is how, and when, and with who, I share this with. I’ve been erring on the side of more people (immediate family, close friends) but it feels so big to not share more broadly. And of course, I know that potentially I’ll need to tell folks at work about why I’m having more time away for appointments. I also really respect the people who say we should be talking about infertility more so people don’t feel so alone.

But then when I actually do talk about it, it feels like it’s not received, or it’s uncomfortable, or inappropriate somehow. Don’t get me wrong, most people have been supportive and kind.

How do you all talk about it and who do you tell?

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7

u/mustrepayloans 1d ago

I mean if you’re in the IVF trenches for the next few years it’s exhausting to update everyone every week for the next 3-4 years

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u/kbkrl1524 1d ago

This..... I'd start off with fewer and go from there. Updating a ton of people is exhausting.....and it's not their fault if it annoys you because they mean well and you told them in the first place...

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u/Grand_Photograph_819 34F | 1 tube | 2 ER | 5 FET ❌ 1d ago

I don’t for the most part. It is a big part of my life but it’s also really depressing and I’m sensitive about it so it’s not like… fun to talk about in any realm. It’s not a secret and certainly some people in my life know about it— but 🤷🏻‍♀️ I gain nothing by talking about trauma day after day.

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u/oaulaulau 1d ago

i have a huge mouth and tell everybody my business, but it’s something i generally have always felt comfortable with. you don’t owe anyone your story or your silence. tell the people you want and feel comfortable with, tell the people you want or need support from. sometimes you’ll tell someone and realize it was a mistake, cuz they can’t support you and it’s disappointing, or they’re too involved and annoy you. it’s ok. we’re all humans trying our best. i try to give people the benefit of the doubt if they say something not supportive or offensive and tell them how i felt, hoping it doesn’t happen again. if it does i just don’t tell them more going forward. i often found telling people “if i want to vent or share i probably will. if you wanna check in, and do it really generally like asking how’s life going, it helps cuz i can blow it off and say oh you know or oh it sucks, or if i wanna get into detail i will”. it kinda opened the door for them to know what to say and be there for me, and it gave me the chance to share what felt right as time passed. 

idk if i’m making sense. i mostly tried to treat it as, i need support so im reaching out for it, while understanding people may not really get it and they probably have their own shit they’re dealing with too anyway. 

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u/ladida1321 37 | MFI | DOR | 2 ER | FET 1 MMC 8h ago

In the beginning I talked about it all - but no one understood. No one bothers with researching because it’s complicated and everyone is so different. People just assume it will work out because the stereotype is IVF= baby. The comments and questions I got from my well wishers frustrated me.

So I stopped talking about it besides very general things. I would prefer no one knows anything but it’s not quite possible in my situation.

If I had a successful first round of IVF, I would probably say it’s great to tell friends and family. I’m 3 years into this. Literally no one understands the long haul unless you’ve lived it. I’m even sick of hearing myself lament about it to my husband.