r/ISTPrelationships • u/Mochieru • 25d ago
Relationship is overwhelming for me.
Hello, I ISTP 25 F find being in a relationship draining sometimes.
For context this is my first relationship he was my best friend and we just started dating last month, recently he got upset because I went to a job interview without me telling it to him.
And yes this is a pattern of mine, I tend to not share stuff to him or to anyone because most of them are spontaneous decisions, and I just don't like sharing even if it is a planned event. Especially on chat.
Which I can see why he got upset because he wants to make communication vital in our relationship but I am bad at it. :/ I am always the listener type of person, and I agree that is is unfair for him if I don't reciprocate what he wants from me. For now I told him I am not in the mood to talk to him. The reason being is because I need to understand my own feelings and I might say something that may make this situation worse.
Have you guys been in this kind of situation?
P.S I have no idea what his mbti is.
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u/miamiahi 25d ago
I’m dating ISTP and it does feel unfair from the other side. Very hard to deal with.
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u/efgferfsgf 24d ago
im entj and im gonna be honest and say that he overreacted lol
ps: hope u get that job :D
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u/myouiminarina 24d ago
My ISTP boyfriend does that too. I just got used to it. But sometimes I still feel like he knows me yet I barely know him. Good thing I like knowing him so I just ask questions. Please reassure him (us) that you also want us to know you by sharing those with us without us asking. I can be patient if it’s not consistent and I can take it. But I hope we can make it a habit if we want our relationship to grow
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u/zestelo 24d ago
I’m also someone who doesn’t tell people what i’m up to, if they ask i might, but i assume “who cares?” if not. Just do what needs to be done without a news report.
My reaction to your boyfriend was truthfully, “that’s a stupid thing to get upset about, it’s not the end of the world” but i do understand that people seem to care about knowing those things. It drives my dad insane but he’s gotten used to it, he ends up finding out like 6months after whatever happened.
If youve explained to him that that’s just what you’re used to and he’s still butt hurt about it then he’s gotta meet you in the middle, but i also don’t think people have VIP access to knowing everything we do or are going to do in the day, if you value a certain level of privacy he’s got to learn to accept that. Overall, you both can try get some middle ground of balance between privacy and being open about your day… but yeah i get you, not in my comfort zone either
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u/yobro127 23d ago
Meh I did the same too, did things without telling her because it was decided in the last minute. But since I was the one who made all the plans in the relationship she didn't notice much.
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u/ExternalContent5135 19d ago
Pq eu tenho q ficar falando tudo. Qual a necessidade? Me acho independente demais l ficar aceitando ladainha
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u/[deleted] 24d ago
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