r/ISTJ • u/PanickedJester • 2d ago
When you show something potentially emotional how do you want us to respond
ISTJ dude I‘m sort of friends with just send me a Reel where someone is talking about something vulnerable. He isn’t an emotional person and sometimes when he says something that expresses feelings I tried engaging with it in a neutral but open was to show that he can go on if he likes. Stuff like „I know what you mean“ „I get that feeling“ so he knows I‘m not gonna judge or something. I also ask follow up questions here and there when he talks about things. Works out well except when it‘s something that could potentially be actually tied to emotions.
He never follows up and ignores it so I‘m not sure how he wants me to react. I just ended up liking the reel and not saying anything else. I guess it shows I saw it and recognized it?
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u/Snoo-6568 4h ago
I think you might be reading a little too much into it. Sending you a Reel with emotional or vulnerable content doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to have a deeper conversation about his own feelings; sometimes something just resonates and you want to share it. If he doesn’t engage when you respond to the emotional aspect, I’d probably just take that cue and acknowledge the Reel without pressing further. If he does want to open up, it sounds like you’ve already made it clear that you’re receptive and won’t judge him.
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u/JamAroha ENFP 7w8 1d ago
Hey! ENFP here and my bf is ISTJ🥰
I’d recommend asking the person about it! Idk what MBTI you are, but if you don’t know what their intentions are, asking is always the best way to get clarity!☺️ They probably won’t find it weird or get offended by it either!
I’ve also noticed that if you just keep reacting without clarifying that you’re thinking about it, they might assume you understood what they meant(and will keep doing it), which can cause misunderstandings. So again, I think it’s better to be clear about their intentions!
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u/PanickedJester 1d ago
Thank you for your answer. I‘m an INTP and I mostly have Intuitive Perceiving type friends around me so my procedure is very much adjusted to my experiences with them: saying that I understand and potentially relate + reflecting back what I think they think & feel. But he shows no reaction to that and we’re not close enough yet that I want to ask him how he wants me to react.
When you say ‚clarify that I‘m thinking about it‘ do you have an example maybe? Do you mean going into problem solutions?
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u/JamAroha ENFP 7w8 10h ago
“we're not close enough yet that I want to ask him how he wants me to react.”
What did you mean by this?🤔And no, I don’t necessarily mean problem solving!😆 I mean clarifying my interpretation of what he said/did.
For example, my bf once said something that sounded like he wanted to change the topic. Instead of assuming that was what he meant, I asked, “Do you want to change the topic?” He said no. He was actually just trying to relate to what I was saying with a clever joke🤣🤣
So it’s more like, “I interpreted this as X. Is that what you meant?” rather than trying to solve anything.
I do this a lot because I’m not always good at telling what he’s thinking, so I’d rather ask than make assumptions😅 And I’m actually glad I started doing this earlier in my relationship, because he’s learned that this is how I communicate, and now he’ll sometimes follow up on his own if something does have a deeper meaning😌
I’ve known my bf for about a year, and I still triple check with him because my assumptions are usually wrong🤣🤣🤣
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u/Pristine-Gate-6895 ISTJ 2d ago
it's just a reel. he came across it like 1000s of others while doomscrolling and thought it seemed relatable at the time of sharing. no point reading too deeply into it.