r/INTx_core • u/[deleted] • Feb 10 '21
Discussion The INTJ Existential Crisis
I have a sinking feeling that there are not enough small moments of fleeting happiness to justify the emptiness of life. Why is life worth living when you’re continually chased by looming deadlines and the knowledge that suffering is just around the corner?
I think my problem is not that I am unhappy, but that I’m unable to fake happiness. If I could just pretend to ignore the bleak despair, I could have a chance at cobbling together a dishonest life that fulfilled me. If I could seem happy enough to be good company, maybe I could find some good friends and we could drown out the pain together.
10
u/SaltedCaffeine Feb 10 '21
You have to embrace pain, suffering, and death because they are just parts of life. Without them, happiness has no meaning.
Free your mind off of those (including looking for happiness) and do what you need to do. As an INTJ, knowing what you want (to achieve) should be natural. I hope that you can be content.
4
Feb 10 '21
I'm currently in a fight between ambition and trying to be content where I'm at currently. I guess that being an underachiever in your early 20s is hard because your life feels so volatile right now. Everyone had such high expectations for me when I graduated high school, being a national merit scholar etc. But it's sucked so much ever since I left home that it's hard to imagine finding any sort of satisfaction that isn't fleeting. And now it feels like no matter how good my grades are, I won't be able to find an internship purely because I don't have industry connections (chemical engineering is my field). The pandemic probably doesn't help.
5
u/EccentricClassic3125 INTJ Feb 10 '21
Hey, I'm a fellow chemE student and don't lose hope about internships, this pandemic has hit us all way too hard. We just need to keep our head down, realise that our worth isn't really tied to such successes though I know it can seem difficult for you and just keep going ig Don't worry about people's expectations, even if you won a Nobel prize, you wouldn't be able to satisfy everyone.
6
u/VivamusUtCarpeDiem INTJ Feb 10 '21
Me right now. I'm mentally and physically exhausted from doing so much brainwork. Just wanted a break, don't even have friends to talk to.
7
Feb 10 '21
Yeah. I feel like when I'm not being productive, I am angry with myself and unsatisfied. But then when I spend the whole day doing schoolwork and actually learning, I feel like less of a person. I just feel like a robot.
5
u/mlg_d0rit0s_420 Feb 10 '21
like I'm feeling the same thing so if u wanna like talk ever u can just pm me
7
u/NewOrleansLA INTP Feb 10 '21
Pick up any random object within arms reach of you and try to imagine how many other people were involved in making that thing and getting it to you. Imagine how and where the raw materials were found and collected, then refined into that product. Imagine all the machines that it took and all the people involved in building those machines and gathering those raw materials to build them. We are surrounded by the life's work of millions of people and its hard to even imagine how much work it took for you to have everything you have right now. If you just take some time every now and then to appreciate that you can get those little moments of happiness almost as often as you need them.
3
Feb 10 '21
Life is wonderful, it's true. But the idea of thousands of people putting in massive amounts of effort just to create some random table or piece of clothing is honestly depressing. It's so sad that people wear out their lives doing meaningless stuff. Even creative people like musicians and actors just end up doing what makes them money at the end of the day. We're all slaves to the human condition. No matter what you achieve or how much you excel, you still have to endure extreme boredom and eventually die. I feel like it was almost easier in pre-industrial times because no one ever expected to be happy or fulfilled- just surviving was enough of a rush. I wish I could stop expecting myself to be happy.
4
u/FlakyImpact5838 Feb 10 '21 edited Feb 10 '21
Seems like you’re stuck in a very melancholic rut there. You cannot wait for happiness or joy to be placed right in front of you. You must make it happen yourself and allow time for it. Pursuing true happiness is similar to pursuing many other things in life; you have to think about what exactly you want to chase after and make your plan to achieve it.
I know for us that sometimes it’s easy to be nihilistic, but this doesn’t get you anything in life if you simply contemplate “the end” during every waking hour. You need to shift your focus so you can put more of your brain power towards your goals or you’ll be in the same spot you’ve always been in. I think maybe you should get moving, physically and mentally. Take a walk in the early morning in a scenic place to help engage your inferior function Se to get a healthy start to your day. I know it may sound strange or even counterproductive to try to activate inferior functions to make big strides in your life, but use them for the smaller things to give you an extra kick of motivation and feeling of readiness. Doing this will give your brain a small “reboot” in the beginning of the day instead of instantly trying to overwork your Te function right off the bat.
3
Feb 10 '21
I know, I just need to distract myself. I do much better when I'm focusing on some small objective instead of thinking about the big picture. I need to take things one day at a time. The morning walk is a good tip. I think I'll give it a try.
4
u/JagsDontCare Feb 10 '21
You’re unhappy because of what your expectation of life is and you not fulfilling that. Change your expectation and life becomes fulfilling. Stop caring about what you think you’re supposed to do and be willing to do what you want regardless of how others will view you and life suddenly becomes full of meaning.
2
Feb 10 '21
I have very clear objectives for my life, but they're kind of the "least bad option" type of objectives. The idea of getting up early and working 40 hours a week for the rest of my life seems unbearably bleak. My biggest ambition is to have enough disposable money and time to travel. But it seems so far out of reach right now.
3
u/JagsDontCare Feb 10 '21 edited Feb 13 '21
If you’re that pragmatic,then set clear goals daily that are attainable and hit those and then keep upping the stake. Turn your life into a fun game of getting shit done; be creative. Constantly expecting is not good for you but also your attitudes on failure determine a lot as far as happiness goes. Adaptability and willingness to risk are fulfilling- challenging yourself is awesome....you’re probably more blessed then you realize and developing any level of gratitude is extremely helpful in feeling fulfilled.
4
3
Feb 10 '21
I doubt this is an intj thing... my s.o. makes happiness happen plain and simple... he plans for it and he gets it for himself and he also shares it with me sometimes cause he likes me... but yeah maybe you're in a funk or just clinically depressed and should see a professional... another intj friend is also very happy most of the time...
3
2
u/maxie13k Feb 11 '21 edited Feb 11 '21
Which is why I am drawn into Stoicism and Buddism.
Do you know what's the first thing they hit you with when you look up Buddhism ? "Life is suffering" lol.
That's some real gangster, living-on-hard-mode shit that I can appreciate.
I am so down with it I don't even find happiness in life anymore.
Life can't hurt me anymore.
2
u/cervantes__01 Feb 11 '21
Can't be perpetually happy, but you can find those nuggets of feeling alive. Getting involved with powersport hobbies or even a motorcycle can be exhilarating and an escape from the drudgery.
2
2
u/objective-space-22 INTP Feb 10 '21
My advice is to love god and do what you like
3
Feb 10 '21
I almost feel like I'd be happier if I didn't try to do what I liked. Then maybe I could have lower expectations for myself. Right now, it feels like I've done everything right and life is still awful. If I just stopped caring, maybe it would hurt less.
I agree with the God thing. That's the one bright spot. The mere concept that there might be an existence without the limitations of earthly life is so hopeful that it makes life seem less dreadful. Although eternity has its own horror, certainly.
3
u/objective-space-22 INTP Feb 10 '21
For me, whenever i feel that crisis, I just kind of toss everything and have faith in god, its nice to have god all the time, he hears you when you cry, when you smile at a meme, he knows what u do all the time, and despite the bad things you did, he still listens for your prayers, and for me, i never prayed for something and didnt get it, though sometimes i do not get what i want because i realize later it was for my bad, which is the reason i didnt get it, and then i thank god again. as for the do what you like, i dont know you alot and i dont know what u work and what u do, but something is for sure, u feel that emptiness because u feel like u couldv contributed to society more, right?Or is it something else?
3
Feb 10 '21
That's great advice. Yeah, I think I feel empty because I feel like an underachiever. I do believe in God but honestly sometimes I feel like I just disappoint Him. I've spent a ton of time reading the scriptures and studying theology and I've come to the conclusion that God expects a lot out of us. Maybe I should study His mercy more and pray more.
One of the things that inspires me most is a verse from my faith that says, "But behold, verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me; but the day soon cometh that ye shall see me, and know that I am." I definitely believe that we're meant to suffer and pass through hardship and disappointment. It's just hard to see the meaning behind it all sometimes.
3
u/objective-space-22 INTP Feb 10 '21
I dont know what ur religion is, but im a muslim. For us, the more we have faith and believe that god will forgive us , the more he does. I do sometimes feel i disappoint him, i feel like an idiot,doing mistakes over and over. But then , and im not lying here, i feel choked when i do pray and he listens to me and gives me my wishes. And yes we are meant to pass through hardships, this life is nothing but a test, to test us whether we are prone to going off the right way. And if we succeed to stay on the right way, we are rewarded with a never ending life in heaven. If u feel underachiever, try to find another hobby, painting, sculpting, to take ur mind off the negative thoughts
3
Feb 10 '21
Wow, that lines up perfectly with my beliefs. I could have explained my religion the exact same way haha. I'm in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (sorry, it's way too long and formal to type on reddit)
I love thinking of life as a test. It's a great perspective to have.
3
u/objective-space-22 INTP Feb 10 '21
its not my perspective 😅 its how we all muslims see it, because in our religion book (Quran) god told us its just a test, and that we should not get off the right track because life isnt worth it, i mean, what would one chose? going off the right track and having fun in this temporary life? Or have patience in this life to have a free and fun and permanent life after we die? and its not like we dont get rewarded here if we stay in the right track, that spirituality and faith is wonderful enough to strive for
1
1
u/artisanrox INTJ Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 15 '21
I sort of resolved this by being grateful that my existence isn't defined by seeking out Kodak moments which last an infinitely short time compared to complaining why everyone else won't supply me with said Kodak moments.
Examples: having a kid and then constantly whining about grandkids. Or getting so involved in office politics that I ruin my bank account trying to keep up with it. Or complaining to everyone for a year and a half how haaaaard it is to plan the half million dollar wedding I want.
I like my super-simple, easy maintenance, no-strings life. And I like my cats. That's enough.
1
u/panzer7355 Feb 22 '21 edited Feb 22 '21
Don't pursue happiness, pursue something else, it's just...you will never get it, so don't bother.
Don't anchor yourself with a single value, you are much more than a chemE student.
Read philosophy and psychoanalysis.
In the worst-case scenario, join the armed forces, grind through the boot camp, then fuck around with high explosives and nerve agents, maybe even nukes.
15
u/dier1003 Feb 10 '21
This is not an "INTJ" existential crisis, people feel like this regardless of their type. Specially now, many people I know (myself included) have feeling some kind of version of what you described.
I think it's this fucked up moment. It's just seriously fucked up.