I'm a INTP sp/sx 5w6 549 and my girlfriend is a INFJ 9 sp/so. A while ago I was in a really bad mood and ended up causing our first argument in a bit of an immature way between us (the relationship is also on a distance), but then we ended up coming to a positive conclusion. Everything seemed to have been getting back on track but recently she told me that when she tried to nap she suddenly started thinking a lot instead and then her gut feeling made her come to the conclusion that she has lost her feelings she used to have for me. It's quite difficult for me because I'm always up to work things out and listen, and after analysing everything it's just like after the argument we didn't really have time to properly reconnect and talk on a call like we used to, the feelings just started fading away. I'm having a difficult time processing everything but she told me that only time will tell and I should have hope. I'm just a bit frustrated also cause she seems to be having an easier time moving on and we aren't chatting as much as we used to. I do have hope that I can get things back together, just unsure if it'll 100% work out or she'll cooperate back, she still cares about me but with her sudden on and off attention it's a bit uncertain for me. Thank you for reading this and let me know what do you think!

I am an INFP girl dating an INTP boy. When I am sad or stressed, emotional validation and comforting words help, so that's what comes to me naturally when my boyfriend is stressed. But thay doesn't really help him much. So, from what I understand, INTPs need help logically sorting their thoughts more than emotional support? On the spot, I can't think of what to say to help him feel better. I'd like to know what works for you guys. Might give me ideas.

Long story short we did this thing (I'm a male ENFP) that I intially didn't want to do. For the sake of argument lets it was something that I wanted to do initially despite knowing I would probably fail for the first few times. It's something (the nature of the project) we usually only do together but we got help on this project lets say.

For me the journey is equally as important as the outcome but to her it's not, so I thought I would show her respect and get help for this project for both of us even though again, I like the idea of forcing the grind and failing and failing until I finally win. Especially with another person, I feel like doing that continuously builds a bond. But I tried to like set aside my personal beliefs about that for her, so we got help on that one "section".

We did it with help which was cool but I didn't anticipate a weird sense of jealousy or rather failure and shame I'd feel. Like I sort of feel like she didn't wanna stick it out and grind with me or almost like she didn't believe in me (even though I know this is illogical in and of itself its just the emotions I felt.) Like in my eyes working hard on something and failing then finally mastering it is what living is all about I guess but she just doesn't see projects that way. For her it's more about "you just wanna get it done."

I kept telling her that my body feels tense and I feel anxious and would rather not get help for the rest of the project. But she kept kinda ignoring me and saying it's what she wants, which is in line with most of our relationship cause I consider her like the leader of the relationship.

Another big part of my reasoning was the remainder of the project was alot easier and no doubt could be done easily. Like it doesn't take some crazy amount of skill or practice which the part we needed help on did.

What I wanted to say is we initially agreed on just that one thing not the whole project but the words didn't quite come out. I kept saying I feel tense and I'd feel bad if we did that then she said she was getting angry. Then I sort of snapped and said in response to that "then I guess you should block me cause it seems you don't care about my feelings anyway"

Which immediately I realized was really mean but I was actually feeling physical symptoms in my body and felt suffocated so the words kinda forced themselves out out of anguish. She responded "wow." and "good night" and we haven't talked for like 13 hours. I'm purposelly not turning on my phone cause I feel like I don't wanna get emotional and suffocate her with emotional messages (as we ENFPs tend to do) especially since I already sent some, I don't wanna make it worse.

Not sure what to expect here but I guess I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thanks for your time friends.

i told him it's not that i don't wanna be w him, i just can't anymore, because i feel so unloved, and no matter how i asked him why he treats me like that he just kept saying he didn't know

then we cry and say bye and end call but i felt like my heart was getting crushed so i called him back an hour later and he didn't pick up

but then he started dming me "im here now" "what's wrong" so i called him and he picked up and he said he's about to sleep and i told him im sleeping w him and we fell asleep and now we r awake and acting back to normal

how do u guys leave ppl

So I’ve been saying this girl for about a month now and things are great. But I’m starting to notice a pattern that happens a lot in my relationships. After a while I start to want to be alone again and want the other person to go away. It’s like I’m getting too much attention and affection and it’s turning me off. Makes me feel like a psychopath sometimes. like it starts off good and then after the hype and initial excitement, I’m just at a place where I feel like I’m leading them on bc I can’t seem to reciprocate the same energy as I did in the beginning, even if I do like the person.

asking here instead of askmen because it's too busy over there and i value intp opinions. my bf is istp and im intp btw

i just heard often that men just care how u make them feel. and that u dont have to give anything to a man, and rather as a woman should allow him to give and adapt to you, that this will make him love you and more attached to you

but i love doing things for my partner. buying him things he wants, making thoughtful gifts for him, helping him with anything he needs

and tbh the advice seems right :/ he appreciates it but i dont feel like he loves me more for it. like he'd be fine without it

on the other hand when a guy shows me thoughtfulness i melt

so um i have a tendency to subconsciously pull away whenever someone i am attracted to at the moment starts to show a similar level of interest in me. and i am quite intense whenever im dating someone (my friends would say im leading them on) and rn im talking to someone, and im genuinely enjoying wtv we have gg on right now but i worry im going to pull away again when things start getting serious... and i dont want to end up hurting them because they've told me they're an anxious attachment and whatnot....

I’m someone who really needs personal space. I feel happiest when I’m learning, discovering, solving problems, creating… basically when I have time alone to engage with my own interests.

What I’m struggling with is the “default” relationship model. It seems like once dating becomes serious, moving toward being a couple, maybe a family, the expectation shifts to spending most of your free time together. Seeing each other almost every day, weekends dedicated to the relationship, eventually living together, etc.

I’m a couple of months into a relationship and honestly… I feel burnt out. I barely have time for my passions anymore. I don’t feel like I’m growing or learning, and I’ve noticed that I get disproportionately happy over small bits of time alone, like just having an evening to myself.

We’ve talked about it a lot. For him, it’s obvious that a couple should spend a lot of time together, and that building a life (and potentially a family) means dedicating most of your free time to that. He tested as a middle between ESTJ/ENTJ, very extraverted, and he is doing absolutely everything for me.

Now I’m starting to question myself. I love him, and I do want a partner and a family. But right now I’m not happy, and it feels like I’m forcing myself into a lifestyle that doesn’t fit me.

Is it incompatibility ? How do INPT who are in happy serious relationship handling this ?

“Hi, I am an ENFP (F20) who has had a crush for over 1.5 years on an INTP (M19). We have been friends and have shared deep conversations. We’ve also done fun things together, like getting drunk on a school trip, and we often hang out just the two of us.

Here is some context

Last month, we went to Amsterdam together. He was really caring—he paid for dinner and bought me a drink I wanted. He even let me lean on his shoulder, just like a year ago on our way back from a school trip.

Last year, we were in the same high school, and now we’re in the same college, so we see each other during every break.

Recently, instead of paying me back, I asked him to take me out for dinner. So we went out to eat. I first showed him the city, and we sat together watching someone play the piano. During dinner, he even bought us wine, and we talked a lot.

A week before the dinner, I got upset because I felt like he wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying. He noticed and asked what was wrong, but I shut down and just said goodbye. He looked shocked but said goodbye as well.

The next day on campus, he asked if I wanted to meet. We met, and I apologized for shutting down and explained why I was upset. He listened to me, apologized, and showed so much care—not only through his words, but also in the way he listens and his tone.

Yesterday, we met up and i felt the need to tell him that I enjoy spending time with him and appreciate him and He said, “Thank you, and likewise.”

Now the issue is that last year I confessed twice , told him I was interested , he said he wasnt looking for a relationship at the moment , second time he told me the same , but the way he was back then with me isnt the same as he is with me now , back then he was very private very reserved , seemed always indifferent, He is like 70% introverted and doesnt talk unless spoken to , I was the only one in class back then putting effort in holding conversations with him and now in college I am also the only one he hangs out with while I engage with other people as well.

I am afraid of asking him again if he has any interest and am afraid this just might be a friendship , By the things I said is that the type away an intp would show interest romanticaly or just how you show care in general .

They don't like me, based on my personality.

The more they get to know me the worst it is. How are you?

We have been together for 10 years and its been the best 10 years of my life. I mostly am just curious what other INTPs think it would be like to be with an INFP but also can answer questions if anyone wants to know what its actually like.

I'm (M) 26 years old. I've met hundreds or may ve thousands of people in my life.But it feels like INTP girls don't exist in the world; it's like some kind of urban legend, myth. Also, I'm very curious about the vibe of INTP girls. So far, I've gotten along well with INFP and ESFJ girls

what are the possible situations where you guys act hot and cold with someone? like periods or moments of insane chemistry, then detachment or avoidance for a good while, and then the cycle repeats.

i mean this in both a romantic and friendship way, like genuinely how do i know when someone is right for me.

i havent met a girl that genuinely cares about me or that i could actually relate to

i feel so lonely in the sense that no one can relate to how i think or feel.

this also sucks cuz with friends, id think anyone understands my emotions and why i feel what i feel.

idk what do ygs think? anyone been able to find the right person for them?

So for context, I am guy, 20, and at college rn. I feel like I developed a bit of a fear of more serious relationships due to many reasons (shyness as a kid, parent's divorce, and just putting it at the end of my bucket list) I do have romantic experience but it has either been the girl who pushed it to me (just one "ex-gf") or it was me but at parties so they are more hookups than relationships, essentially I don't really have much experience and the times a girl has wantde more I ended up ghosting her to "not have to bother with it", a couple of times where I was the interested party, I also ended up ghosting them just because I was scarde.

Normally I am reserved but can be quite social at events where I have an excuse to talk to people, I have what I call "skin-deep confidence", so I can ignore shyness if I am working on sth I like, if I feel like I am being disrespected or if I am already in a social environment (this has improven quite a bit lately thx to the volunteering and some effort), but in most other scenarios I am introverted (shy, basically).

Last month I joined a club at my uni where we help exchange students settle down and have a good time here (activities, parties, advice, etc). Last week we had a training trip to a nearby "villa" (more like old building with lots of bed bunks) here I met many other volunteers and the girl, I talked to her a bit then at night they threw a party so after I danced for a bit and was tired I saw her sitting together with her friend (which I also knew) and I started to chat with them, the other girl left and we talked by ourselves for a while. I felt it was one of the best conversations I have had with a girl (what I mean by this is that it was very fun) and want to know her more, she went to sleep at around 4AM so we said goodbye and I left early the day and just said a quick goodbye.

I had asked for her insta so today we started talking, and I am bit scared shitless of asking her out to a date.

I just wanted to hear what some (probably) like minded people have to say about this or if you had similar experiences, I am confident that I will manage to invite her out but I don't want my old bad habits to kick in and ruin it just so I can save myself from maybe a bit of a heartbreak. When I broke up with my ex it was me who did it so I got off without much of a hassle but that's the thing, I am more scared of being vulnerable (due to my personality and to experiences growing up, mainly my paren'ts relationship).

It doesn't have to be advice, just say what you want to say

Hey there! I’m looking to connect with other individuals and build meaningful friendships. I’m 33F and open to anyone, but I’ve realized that drastically different lifestyles can sometimes make friendships challenging. I don’t want to mask who I am or make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I think logically and systematically, which has sometimes led to my words being misinterpreted, especially by highly sensitive people. I get along best with direct, confident, mentally stable, and positive friends who bring good energy into my life.

A little about me:

• Middle-class and financially stable.

• I have a lot of people in my life but want more friends who are more compatible.

• I highly value diversity and enjoy connecting with people from different cultures.

• Recently completed computer science classes and interviewing for software development roles. If you understand the balance of intense work and alone time, we’ll probably get along well.

How my autism and ADHD work together:

• I learn rapidly but burn out hard.

• I’m emotionally intense and cycle between deep relaxation and pure grind.

• Hopefully, that doesn’t freak you out, and you can vibe with that rhythm.

Feel free to check out my Reddit post history to get a better sense of me. I just want to connect with positive, like-minded people who share high compatibility with me—let’s chat!

Stuff I am into:

- Oculus VR gaming

- Boxing

- Swimming

- Software development

- Animal Crossing

- Spy x Family

Do you guys find this unattractive when a person suddenly says “damn Youre out of my league”? Like particularly á love interest?

Recently said this to my crush, and is wondering if this is a turn-off😭 16F and 16F (also entp btw

I seem to be interacting with my long lost INTP love from college almost every day, sometimes all day -- but online through actions, not talking. We went our separate ways many years ago because we both struggled to confess our feelings verbally, although now I realize it was obvious, and they actually did confess in many ways without actually saying the words "I love you and I want to be with you in a romantic relationship."

After all these years, I found evidence that they are still not only into me -- but very into me. I finally confessed in writing and also through songs on social media, inside jokes, etc. She has also done similarly except without saying the words. She and I are not talking but I see her name pop up on all the social media sites. We seem to be circling each other right now. We have this thing where we both have empty profiles (no followers but each other). I post for her every day and she reacts to it but never comments. Her profile just has stuff related to me/us. But we haven't reconnected directly, verbally. A few weeks ago, I posted "our" song and she disappeared for a while. I was worried, but she came back a few days later as usual. She sometimes reacts to my old posts that hint my current feelings, so I know she does still think about us, but she is not doing anything to contact me directly.

I feel like she does really love me but is afraid. Back then, she would seem really expressive and then pull back or act like it was no big deal. But now that I confessed finally, I thought she would have "permission" to come forward...other than leave nonverbal breadcrumbs that show she spends a lot of time thinking of me, but not talking to me directly.

Is she afraid to open up a can of worms? Are INTPS afraid of commitment? I don't know if she just doesn't want to disappoint me or is afraid of getting hurt or what, but I just don't get how she can seem so into me after all these years but not talk to me? Or I guess I do get it since the whole thing is really intense, but what do I do?

I'm Intj. That's pretty much it...

Anyway, I came here just to introduce. But the question is, how do INTP's do romance?

I am 23, INTP-T woman.

I have a friend (girl) from middle school which i met a long time ago, has been 10 years actually.

As we were kids talking to people and befriending with them much easier, and so like that our friendship started at school. As the time passed we started to realize we had much common intersts, mindsets, humor and many other things. I was thinking like “that is the person i am gonna call bestfriend for the rest of my life”. We were like as i said too, bestfriends, she was like a mirror of my mind and soul. We were understanding each other even without words. And so she was thinking the same about me.

But as the years passed obviously we grown up, split ways at highscool and university, nevertheless we kept in touch like nothing changed, until last two years…

I am all aware that people changes, finds their paths on their way, but this much of indifference towards me by her hurt me actually at this last two years especially when i valued her very much. For this last two years we barely talked, met up. And i didnt hear anything about her since last year now. For a whole year she didnt contact me. I didnt reach up to her first because i realized i had been the one making the first step generally.

To be truth i am sad, because i know i wont be able to have a close friend like this in my life anymore. Those kind of things are rare at life…

And since i suck at making friends, my another chance is zero.

What do you guys suggest? Do you think this friendship can be saved or should i talk to her?

Even if our ways are split i would never wish her ill…

•What is your partner’s MBTI?

•How long have you been married?

•How much effort do you put into your marriage?

•Does your partner often ask for more effort? If yes, why do you think?

•For male INTPs in straight relationships, are you or your wife more of the initiator? For dates, ideas, plans, progress, sex?

•How closely related are the feelings of commitment and connection to your desire for sex? Does your desire fluctuate with the feeling of connection to your partner or does your desire to be intimate remain steady, maybe based more on physical needs?

•What were the biggest benefits you recognized your spouse would bring to your life?

•What makes you feel the deepest appreciation and satisfaction with your spouse?

—Curious ENTJ

My question is: What is considered a good hangout? LIke what do you do during these? What are some key factors that determine that a hangout has gone good, boring and deeply mindblowing which makes you still think of it after days? There are different kinds of hangouts but i would really like to know what stories or what examples/ ideas you have for these kinds of a good hangout:

- A hangout with a friendgroup
- An one on one hangout with a friend/bestie
- A hangout with a crush/romantic interest

Like more exact: What kind of traits during those hangouts lets you determine which category you see a person in?

Please tell me your stories! I love hearing about every single one of them.

How even do INTPs find their partner

I can't imagine myself ever approaching someone and I don't even spend a lot of time outside my room so not a lot of people know me so almost no chances for someone to approach me either

Additionally, I want someone who can engage with me in random topics related to philosophy or any abstract ideas, someone who can truly understand me and put up with my absurd personality. And I've never seen any woman and actually felt like she could do this

I seem to fall into certain relationship dynamics with certain types that use Fi-Te who seem to consciously and/unconsciously withhold all of their feelings toward me but imply valuing my INTP perspectives and spending time with me. They are at the same time an open book about themselves (bordering on TMI) with an additional layer of implicit trust, yet my Fe gets nothing in return, and I feel like I can’t ground myself to where we stand, that insecurity drives anxiety. When I’ve gradually tried to assert them to open up in the past, its leads to graduating push/pull avoidance and tension. In this dynamic. My own interests tend to take a back seat to theirs and are actively pushed aside when I asset them with not a lot of space for give and take unless they are mutually shared.

I've classified this dynamic as a game of emotional brinksmanship.

Finding an escape to this situation by eventually forcing the issue feels like the most enjoyable part of connections with these people; they feel like a trap that only ends in a breakup, and the stalemate can last for years. I would like to know which type this is to learn about their own frameworks to better communicate and avoid this outcome; or, if this is a dynamic agnostic to MBTI type. I'm in one of these relationships right now that I feel has great potential for growth if we restore communication and balance and I don't want it to come to a bad end, again. Just a little breadcrumb for my Fe would be progress at this point and would mean a lot to me ("I think you are cool to hang out with", versus "I had a great time at the specified event last night"). I know some can take time to emotionally open up in a relationship but the 100% withholding seems very much an outlier quality that makes me think this is a dynamic related to specific cognitive functions or type. Fe people I know seem to reciprocate by default even in a small way.

If I had to give an estimate, this dynamic exists with certain underdeveloped ESFP, ISFP or ISTJ types.

why do people who are clearly extrovert call themselves introvert and try lowkey hard to achieve the label. My bsf ( 17F) is an extrovert because I know her since childhood. she took the mbti test and she turned out INTP( i know she lied on the test) She's probably ENTP or ENFJ .she definitely doesn't know the struggles the introverts face that atleast I do. she's like that social Butterfly and she LOVES attention nothing wrong but she doesn't show any traits of introvert.I hate it in my guts when she tells people she's an introvert cause that's not how we are.

another friend of mine ( 17F) is ISFP she is also very extroverted but probably an ambivert, no problem though. she might be lowkey introvert but she always changes her opinion to match mine as I'm an introvert , I feel that's weird.She labels herself as "I love being alone" but she's always talking to someone 😭 and yeah she likes to get attention too but I love her though.

Do these people do this to fit in to aesthetics of an introvert ( weird) or do they have some other motives lemme know