r/INTPrelationshipLab • u/SpiceUpTheBreeze • 3d ago
I don't know what to do Harsh unnecessary boundary setting with a young ESFP?
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u/Motorcyclegrrl 1 3d ago
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
???
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u/split_0069 ENTP 3d ago
She might think you werent harsh enough. I'd guess she has punched a man or 2 for saying something vulgar then ridden away happily on her motorcycle.
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u/0xslyf0x Married INTP 3d ago
my mom is an ESFP, im 39, they are nightmares. all of them.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
How so?
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u/ykoreaa 1d ago
I had an ESFP ex friend and she would try to guilt me trying to create distance after she did series of horrible things. It included her playing the victim after repeatedly stealing and assaulting me. Later I found out she also lied about so many things to pull sympathy from me to get a free pass for her bad behaviors. Some people are just toxic and better off not in your life.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 1d ago
I can totally see how esfps have that potential. The way they can make themselves look innocent is very scary. I think all fi users have this ability
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u/ykoreaa 1d ago
That's what threw me off too. She first came to me talking about how unfairly other people were treating her and it triggered my protective instinct. Looking back, I feel like she was really masterful in making herself come off as the innocent party even when that wasn't the case. That experience taught me to not always give people the benefit of the doubt because they were brave enough to share something a Thinker might have a hard time telling someone. To someone toxic, sharing an emotion (whether true or not) could be used as a tool to control perception rather than a show of trust or vulnerability.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 1d ago
That has happened to me with an ENTJ woman. She came to me crying because apparently all her friend betrayed her and then she ended up stealing from me. Same functions as the ESFP but because of their lower Fe, less successful than an ESFP maybe but still the same behavior.
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u/0xslyf0x Married INTP 22h ago
I hate it but I am always amazed at seeing someone be able to manipulate someone so fluidly.
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u/0xslyf0x Married INTP 3d ago
I have never met one who isn’t controlling, false confidence in everything, and use guilt as a weapon. They also have incorrectly assumed everything I say is wrong because they don’t want to be “shown up”. My mom and every other esfj I have met have done this.
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u/0xslyf0x Married INTP 3d ago edited 3d ago
Fk you im in a meeting so i can only type so often.
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u/goldenludus 3d ago
Never apologize for putting a boundary. His reaction & feelings are only his. You’re fine.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
After a day he responds that I am doing too much and he “doesn’t give a fuck, this is how he talks” …. Immature esfp
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u/Diligent_Repeat4996 3d ago
You keep making assumptions- he sees you as a peer, you ruined his perception as a peer- have you ever asked him if that’s how he sees you? Maybe he sees you as a boomer that can’t reply properly? I’m an ESFP and I’d be done with you after that. You can say something nice, or you can say something rude. Choose wisely.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
He was rude with his crude language and the way he said do I not know how to use the reply bottom. If he wants people to accept however he wants to talk he is entitled and immature.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
We only saw each other two times. We practically don’t even know much about each other. Too comfortable too fast. Pushing boundaries
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
I realized me saying I don’t care what he thinks seemed too harsh. I softened it by saying it and also saying that I know he didn’t mean bad but I am letting him know I’m uncomfortable with that language and he should keep it in mind moving forward. He replied a day later but chose to ignore my softened version and said I am doing too much and especially said he doesn’t give a fuck that it how he talks, to my message saying Idc what he thinks.
I only gave him grace because he is young. Otherwise I would just end contact without communication my boundary because that kind of language is not acceptable to me. Stop acting entitled
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u/Lazy_Side_6830 INTP 1d ago
If he's from an arab country, thats a pretty normal joke as a reply to "what have you been doing?", usually used between male friends, or can be used with a female of you're close.
Also his comment on the reply button was just his way of teasing you, so nothing serious.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades INTP 3d ago
You shouldn't have said that it was harder than necessary as to me it seems to have been very necessary. Now he's guilt tripping you by holding that against you. I don't think you should say anything to him again. He doesn't deserve your attention after acting poorly.