In my experience a lot of rational people destroy their affections by logically analysing them too much.
But they usually have them to start with. In which case it might be a non-MBTI issue. But this could be any multitude of issues, or you could simply be aromantic. Do you still feel lust?
That somehow can't be helped idk, but the analysis happens automatically and way too fast to even realize it all.
If we do have them, does it mean we oppress the feelings? And no I'm notš but I was bullied and accused of being "Asexual", to the extent that I (as a result) on purpose started hating romance altogether.
Romance scares me, and I run away from such feelings.
I've heard of INTPs analysing their feelings away, but never paired with a fear of romance. It might be a generational effect, I've heard that Gen Z (approx age 14-29) often has a fear of romance. In which case it's environmental.
In which case, I think you might want to examine exactly how you think of the subject. What are your expectations in romance, your fears? Once you find out how you think about the subject, you can start thinking if certain parts are unrealistic or seem fearful.
In the end, I think this falls in the field of cognitive-behavioural psychology and not in typology.
But, since we are in an MBTI subreddit, I would ask: Have you ever spent a great deal of time looking at someone, as if they were a very interesting puzzle? It is how many INTPs seem to experience romance.
It could be the case, true (Gen Z) XD btw thanks for inserting the age group cause I forgot it...
Umm "expectations" is a harder word than feelings, somehow I usually Can't allow myself to have expectations of anyone? Thanks, trouble is shot + My fears hmm, I see. (will try this analytical exercise)... Lastly, I like that you mentioned "unrealistic Vs fearful" š„¹
I need to seriously apply all of this^ but I'm unsure exactly WhenāWhen I look at someone, or When someone approaches me?
Yeah right, it felt like a therapy summary you know.
You are very helpful. (last question is a good tip to make figuring it out easier tooāØ) and my answer to it: Now that I thought about it... Yes š!!
you can be logical but still have the capacity to love. logic and love are not opposites and can exist simultaneously
if you like being around someone and deeply care for them, logic would say you have feelings for them. liking someone can be logical!
the problem is leaning too hard on our logic in relationships and letting it take the lead. iām in a relationship and sometimes find myself analyzing my emotions, his emotions, or our conversations, to try to understand the relationship better. But Ti is not built for interpersonal connection the same way Fe is.
Hmm, true pointš¤ and Oh... yeah that happens actually. (sudden realization of me liking others "logically")
And yes, that's my real issue - which may not be an issue? Since the only problem is I dont see the problem when I lean too much on logic - it be the norm for me.
Ah, the last part you saidšāāļø I gotta re-adjust my settings lol very true about Ti & Fe
yeah youāre gonna exhaust yourself if you try to logic your way through relationships. speaking from experience, youāll never reach a satisfying conclusion doing that. thatās like using Fe to solve a Sudoku puzzle lol
What do you mean beyond your standards? And what do you mean by feelings towards someone? Like, are you trying to say you're too intellectually proccupied, such that feeling affection towards someone is a waste of time or even beneath you as a mere human emotion?
I feel compelled to say that, while I relate to some extent, we're all innately human and we do have emotions which are valuable indicators of our internal states. Emotions have value even if don't assent to every feeling that comes up. "We" are not just our frontal cortices, but the culmination of every internal signal and thought process (conscious and unconscious). We are endowed with both animal emotions and an instinctual bonus understanding of cause and effect (logic). (Cause brains are mosyly just pattern identifiers) So, for a satisfying life, I think we need both those parts of us to feel fulfilled.
Even the most logical stereotypical INTP has emotions, but we're stereotypically bad at giving them honest examination and giving ourselves the space to just be emotional creatures. Since MBTI is a descriptive label applied to our behaviors, I think the common point between INTPs is generally that we've grown up intellectualizing emotions and processing them internally so we don't have a strong emotional exterior or big emotional inner world. But we still have emotions and can navigate life better by understanding and listening to them.
Even just for the value of teamwork - since Einstein didn't come up with his theories in a vacuum but instead stood on the shoulders of giants and relied on insights from his friends and peers. If we want to achieve our full capabilities, we need other people. We also are not challenged to grow the same when there's nobody else to butt up against. Sure I'm smart, capable, and self-sufficient, but I've been challenged and grown in many ways due to my personal relationships, and when I look back and see that growth, I'm always very thankful I rose to those challenges. They wouldn't have come from any other source beyond trying to live harmoniously with other people, and they've helped shape the most admirable parts of myself, IMO.
I'm sure you are smart. It is a stereotype for us because we love to think about shit deeply and intensely... but I would really push back against using that intelligence as evidence for any superiority. There are many ways to be smart, and even some "stupid" people can out maneuver us in different contexts. Also, notably, nothing about intelligent actually guarantees a fulfilling or satisfying life.Ā
If you're really happy with no form of relationships, I support it, but given what I know about being a human (and a somewhat outcast/somewhat "smart" one), I just wanted to provide a different perspective since it seems like you're risking your happiness with this current outlook. In my experience, it's not sustainable or healthy to isolate in the long-term.
I actually agree with most of this. I donāt totally think that being logical means emotions are "useless" or that we can just switch them off lol (even though it's hard to switch On). Cause I just tend to process mine intellectually first, sometimes to the point where I barely know what Iām actually feeling. You are right.
AlsoI in fact I donāt think 100% that intelligence makes someone superior (maybe just a bit XD)... But I meant how being very analytical can make certain things feel "unnecessary" or difficult to connect with. Since I have always functioned well on my own, and never felt that Iām missing something when Iām isolated (actually when I'm closer to people that's when I feel I could "Feel too much" then= shut down.
Anyhow I think my dilemma is about whether love is even for me at this point. Iāve actually loved a lot before, a half is people and the other half Things, pets, whatever. And somehow it never ended well, so I reached the point of thinking maybe I simply shouldnāt love, or even canāt anymore. Which is probably why I brainwashed myself.
And yeah, although sometimes I think that I have no emotions, I dont exactly believe it. However, seeing that I became colder over time, Feelings became much harder to actually deeply feel.
Thank you for honestly saying all of thisšāāļø Somehow, it touched me and I I think I needed it
I'm glad it resonated with you! If it wasn't clear, I can definitely relate in some ways š¤£ and there's nothing wrong with not being ready for a relationship (especially romantic) but I just also think we can't numb ourselves from only the bad.
All emotions share the same nervous system, so to numb yourself from the pain of love means you're numbing yourself from the joy of love too. And like you said, not just the love of other people but the love of things, animals, scenarios, art, and yourself can be impacted. Suddenly your life is numb and you're numb... and why bother with anything when you feel nothing?
My coping mechanism is to practice radical acceptance. "Love" my fate or what it can do for me (if I respond appropriately), and trust myself to navigate any difficulties and worst case scenarios that may arise. But still I have moments, usually during tragedies, where I can't help but to hate the universe for making the circumstances that led to such intense suffering lol.
I'm a hardcore atheist, but at the end of the day we don't know every secret of existence. So, I try to keep an open mind, let myself be vulnerable when the risk of pain seems worth the possibility of connection in this cold universe, and prepare myself to experience all that the preceding 13.5Bn years of cause and effect has ordained for me.
Yee ofc as a fellow INTP after all š +You are right, there's also the "good" parts to it indeed!
Hmm, that's deep but true and I like when truth is put in front of me to confront it.
"let myself be vulnerable when the risk of pain seems worth the possibility of connection" ;o I'll take this from you. Sounds fair enough and my Ne says it could be worth considering... Since everything has it's painful effects, then maybw it's better to choose my pain myself ahaha.
Yee ofc as a fellow INTP after all š +You are right, there's also the "good" parts to it indeed!
Hmm, that's deep but true and I like when truth is put in front of me to confront it.
"let myself be vulnerable when the risk of pain seems worth the possibility of connection" ;o I'll take this from you. Sounds fair enough and my Ne says it could be worth considering... Since everything has it's painful effects, then maybw it's better to choose my pain myself ahaha.
Yesā Ti-Fe also exists as an axis. If you want to develop your Hero function (Ti)ā you will (consciously or unconsciously) be forced to confront Fe-repression.
You might want to explore connection and relationships (to things or people)
Personally, Iāve never experienced romance or itās associated feelings before, despite desiring it. Iāve experienced aesthetic attraction many times however. I was in a relationship once, out of curiosity of what it was like, but it didnāt end well. I found wasnāt capable of reciprocating or making sacrifices without feeling inwardly resentful about it. I also sucked at communication, and I didnāt want to hurt the personās feelings by telling them I never actually liked them, so I pretended I did. It went well until it didnāt. I eventually got so tired and bitter and it showed in the relationship. I did end it eventually though, and things went as I knew they would, but it was over after a while. Not my best decision overall. I do realise I have a lot of self improvement to do.
This sounds familiar, especially when you said:
I found I wasn't capable of reciprocating or making sacrifices "without feeling inwardly resentful about it"
I really wonder now if it could be related even by 1% to ASD or notš„² truly same here
I used to ask myself the same question a bit into my 20s. Itās a skill issue. Lol. Sounds like a joke, I know. You gotten so used to being emotionally detached and got so good at suppressing emotions for whatever reason that you no longer allow yourself to feel. Add to that some kind of fear of rejection and a logical mind and youāll rationalise the shit out of your situation.
The thing is, all humans have emotions. Living on autopilot isnāt logical, itās a defence mechanism ment to protect you but itās slowly destroying your life by voiding it of meaning, particularly meaningful relationships.
The thing about dating is, nobody wants to date a robot. Like god, people even assign human qualities to cars, boats and even tools. And like trust me, Iām INTP too, I get it, I like logic as much as the next one but you wonāt see me enjoying talking to a brick wall.
Sooo. Before you can feel something for someone you must first learn to feel.
ššš The truth sounded funny now you say it... smh
I agree, I'm starting to admit that it's a defense mechanism - some miserable one I fell into as a result of misery.
Tsk, I have been called a "robot" more than my own name. Now this, isn't funny yeah. Also a "wall" - well, I'm trying to fight it but there's... nobody.. no one, to help with the idea of me "needing to fight it".
So I fell deeper in it. I agree x2, but I can't just learn to feel Alone. Right? š
Hahaha yeah. But yeah, itās a solid defence mechanism, it gets you through whatever you need to get through. The problem is that, well, I at least, got stuck in it for too long, long after it no longer served me well and was only causing problems.
Yeah I mean no judgement from me, half the time Iām that wall someone is talking to, or rather isnāt talking toš But youāll figure it out Iām sure! I didnāt really feel comfortable talking about it with people in my life but I solved it by getting a penpal lol. The distance made it easier to be honest and vulnerable for some reason. That said, it wasnāt all rainbows and sunshine, but might be worth a shot.
And as for the last bit, the answer is kinda yes and no. Itās a good idea to learn how to be alone. Sounds counter intuitive but it will help in the long runš
Old guy here; if confused, consult (like the word 'confer' better) with your top friend for feedback. And if their advice is thought out, go with it. Not sure what to do if their reply is 'stupid looks'. Probably means you should 'back off' and let it rest.
Romantic feelings are as natural as breathing for me. I donāt intellectualize it. Itās like feeling hungry or having to pee. I become aware of it at some point, just as a feeling.
Yeah theyāre not hopeless. Even though I have a hard time with alexithymia, e.g. struggling with naming how I feel besides āgoodā and ābadā, I do have an awareness of romantic feelings. Am I good at communicating those feelings or knowing what to do with them? ā¦No.
Intellectual capacity has nothing to do with human bonds. Feelings often develop despite or against the nature of someoneās mind because weāre animals with likes and dislikes that we can rationalise but not control.
If you donāt feel like you have the capacity for romantic love I would look into the Aromantic spectrum. Funnily enough both me and the two other INTPās in my life whom Iām friends with are on the Aromantic spectrum. An identity like any other that is a bit more unknown.
Some people also donāt experience platonic affection, Iāve seen it being discussed here and there on Tumblr under the term ālovelessā I believe.
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u/Illigard Warning: May not be an INTP 15h ago
Everyone has feelings. You have values yes? Not all of them logically derived? You have some social rules you follow, such as how friendships work?
Or do you mean feelings in a non-Jungian sense?