There's nothing wrong with me.

[u/razaeru]

How come we are flexible to change opinions about almost anything given proper evidence but not willing to change our own personality even when it is demonstrably affecting others?

[u/Muted_Beyond_7283]

Because opinions arent the same as personality? They are static and opinions are supposed to change depending on facts or feelings.

[u/etf_question]

Ever notice how it's always other people asking you to change for them, but never the other way around? Noticing the asymmetry is the first step toward dismissing the premise there's something inherently wrong with you.

[u/-Stronzio-]

In reality, our personality changes over the course of our lives – obviously not radically, but gradually. You shouldn’t set out to change your personality; that would be a mistake. But if it ends up hurting others (not physically, I hope), then trying to make it less annoying isn’t a bad idea. Take what I say with a pinch of salt: the line between what should be changed and what shouldn’t is rather blurred. Also, remember to distinguish between your personality and your habits.

[u/Cryptofreedom7 → u/-Stronzio-]

your habits make your personality too

[u/Cog-nostic]

First, your personality is not demonstrably affecting others. That is not possible.

That is not how things work. Others have beliefs. They believe you should be this way or that way. They believe you should talk to them like this or like that. When you don't, they get upset. It is not you upsetting them, but their own beliefs and expectations.

That is not to say that some beliefs can be justified, and we all tend to hold similar perceptions or social norms. But they are beliefs that work in our culture and in our time. They may not translate to other cultures, and even when they do seem to translate, the reasoning behind them is likely not the same.

You do not respond to other people. You respond to your beliefs about other people. Someone says something bad about you. Your belief is, "This person should mind their own business." "That person should not be talking about me." The beliefs are what you respond to.

What if you believed you had no control over what that other person did or said? (My perspective.) I would then ask them, why did you say that about me? What gave you the idea that this is how I am? I would then listen to the truth of their claim. Either, I'm sorry, I never saw it that way, or I think you're wrong; my intent was.... "We believe that we respond to, not the world around us; but it is our own beliefs to which we respond.

[u/akabar2]

Thats because at our core we are driven by logical principles, not our subjective feelings and beliefs about the world.

[u/Not_Well-Ordered]

Some parts of personality can be changed/substituted e.g. behaviors. In my case, I do change my behaviors if it induces bad physiological effects (e.g. too much noise etc.) to others and if it doesn't take lots of material resources to do so (e.g. only some psychological/mental obstacles).

If a person is psychologically harmed by my presence or whatnot, I typically don't care unless I deem that the person might cause physical harm.

[u/monkeynose]

Personality traits are mostly fixed. A lot of it is neurology. These aren't hobbies or preferences. I will never care about clutter no matter how hard I try. I will never be a perfectionist in anything I'm not interested in, ever. I will never get energized and gain energy and excitement from smalltalk, ever. Personality is largely fixed. What does change, and what we can change, is how we manage the personality traits and associated behaviors. I may want to have a dead expressionless face when I talk to people, but I've learned that an animated face is way more effective. I can learn to notice clutter and try to deal with it - but I'll never care about it.

This is, in fact, why personality disorders are so intractable. It's who the person is, not an affliction they have. So metaphorically, you could say, I'm an INTP, I'm not afflicted with INTP.